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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How to get his attention?

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2011 at 12:39 AM
  • 33 Replies

 My husband works crazy hours because he is in the Navy so I can understand his work hours but after work he ALWAYS goes to the gym for 2 hours so he doesnt get home until like 7/8pm , meaning he eats dinner, showers and relaxes (watches tv). I do not get any time with him and when the weekend come he doesnt want to do anything because he's tired from his week and or he will go to play Basketball with his friends. I feel like he doesnt want to do anything with me and or our son.I've told him on numerous occasions to make up a whole day just for us because we have a sitter or that we should do things as a family and it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I dont know what to do anymore. He says that I stress myself out because I make things out to be more than they really are, but is it really a lot to ask him to want to spend time with me being that I barely see him throughout the week? I feel like the marriage is getting old too fast and I dont like it at all. I want to do what I can to make it work but I am running out of ideas.

by on Feb. 21, 2011 at 12:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SareyF
by Sarah on Feb. 21, 2011 at 1:02 AM
I used to have this problem with my dh a lot. I think many men readily rake on the role of provider...they think ' I put a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, pay the bills, job done!' They sometimes dont realize how important spending time together is. I would just try calmly talking with him, maybe say "remember when we [insert activity here]? That was so much fun! Why dont we do that this Saturday?!"
Stress that you know he works hard and deserves down time but that you and your family really miss and enjoy his company.
Once I started planning more outings (without going overboard, reading his cues, considering his needs also) and he saw how happy his girls were and how much fun he had, he started stocking around more, engaging us, and coming up with his own ideas for what we should do. This weekend we are going to the high desert museum--his idea!
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SareyF
by Sarah on Feb. 21, 2011 at 1:05 AM
*rake = take
Stocking = sticking
Sorry for typos, I'm mobile
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momof3angela
by on Feb. 22, 2011 at 10:41 AM

I would say maybe you can do little things to bring back an awareness or spark for him.....write little love notes and put them in places he'll find them......smile at him a lot...even when you want to cry......give him good feelings from you when he is around.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised how he will see and acknowledge these acts of love from you.

newmommyas1107
by on Feb. 22, 2011 at 10:48 AM

 Sit down and tell him how you feel.

MommyForLife22
by on Feb. 22, 2011 at 10:53 AM

Yea military life is hard.  my hubby in army and i know exactly how u feel.  my hubby tells me he doesnt even realize that he kinda is ignoring me!!! lol he just thinks hes relaxing after work.  maybe just try talking again??? tell him its really hurting u

mommyof1ltlgirl
by on Feb. 22, 2011 at 10:55 AM

No it's not  a lot to ask for that..He should want to do that already..My bf works five days a week and he has to get up at 3:20 in the morning Monday-Friday..He drives an hr to wrk andan hr back..He gets a shower and then we do things together..You have every right to ask him to spend time w/ you and your son..I was gonna suggest tlking to but you already said tht tht doesn't wrk..Is there a Naval counselor tht you cld tlk to?? I hope things get better mommy

imamami05
by on Feb. 22, 2011 at 10:56 AM
I feel the same. My hubby plays cards every. Time he gets free time. Like if he has a few hours hell go play magic the gathering with friends....makes me feel like he don't want to spend time with our family. Like magic is more important. And I'm the one who stays at home all the time with the kids so its not like he's always home.......
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ChaoticSoul
by on Feb. 22, 2011 at 11:12 AM

 maybe you should try planning a surprise day? Such as wake him with a little happy time (sex), then make him breakfast in bed, then be like hunny get dressed I have a whole day of fun planned for us. Then do stuff ya'll used to enjoy doing. Maybe if you make it about him he will be more interested. Guys like things to be about them. the sex and breakfast is to butter him up. the activities planned can be something to include your son or not. Sometimes it is better if dh DOESNT have a say. good luck & let us know if any of our advice worked! fingers crossed

busymom212
by on Feb. 22, 2011 at 11:15 AM

I am not of much help, cause I feel your pain sooooo much. I wish you all the best. For myself I know I am going to have to sit and talk to him, but I want the right spirit behind it. So I am seaking and asking the Lord for direction. In all of this..group hug

MomToovey
by Marianne on Feb. 22, 2011 at 11:28 AM

 I completely agree with this. I would add that expressing your appreciation for what he DOES do (putting a roof over your head, food on the table, etc) will also help him realize that he is appreciated. It's possible he feels a little taken advantage of too. Let him know you really do appreciate what he does, and also work on ways (that this poster mentioned) to get him excited about spending time with you again!

Quoting SareyF:

I used to have this problem with my dh a lot. I think many men readily rake on the role of provider...they think ' I put a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, pay the bills, job done!' They sometimes dont realize how important spending time together is. I would just try calmly talking with him, maybe say "remember when we [insert activity here]? That was so much fun! Why dont we do that this Saturday?!"
Stress that you know he works hard and deserves down time but that you and your family really miss and enjoy his company.
Once I started planning more outings (without going overboard, reading his cues, considering his needs also) and he saw how happy his girls were and how much fun he had, he started stocking around more, engaging us, and coming up with his own ideas for what we should do. This weekend we are going to the high desert museum--his idea!

 

 



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