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Any Advise?

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:09 AM
  • 12 Replies

My husband and I have been married almost 2 year now, we've been with and known each other for about 3 years now. We have a 15month old and are finally back in our own place, but I'm afraid our marriage may not last.

You see this is the longest relationship for the both of us, and quite frankly I dont know what I'm doing. I have no idea if I'm a good wife, I'm trying my best to be a good mother, and honestly I haven't even been the best person to myself. I just need to know how to make my marriage last. Both of our parents have married for at least 25+ years and both of our families are extremely different. So how we act to situations, how we want to raise our kids, how many kids we want to have are all very very different!  And compromise doesn't always feel like compromise. In fact it feels like he gets what he wants and I have to smile and pretend I dont mind.

Sorry I'm whinning....look I dont know what to do. I have no Idea where to start. And I want to help our marriage before its over, and it has come dangerously close to being over more then once. If anyone has any advise it welcome, wanted and desperately needed.


Thank you all in advance!

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mrsr0125
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 6:18 AM

 On my wedding day in the dressing room at the reception I had a slight freak out when my mom and my "lady helper" the place assigned to me were helping bustle my dress. I threw my hands over my mouth and said, "Oh my gosh! What does a wife do???" And my lady just laughed and said, "Keep doing what you're doing!"

How do you know you are NOT a good wife? NOT a good mom? Does he tell you? I've been married 9 years now and the beginning was not easy. And our parents have been married now for 25 and 39 years. I can tell you that it does get better. We come from almost totally oppisite backgrounds, luckily he likes mine better though! LOL Now we are fine, but it took alot of work. But we have also been throgh, and are going through, alot of stressors.

Marriage is all about 2 different people coming together and making their OWN life. But it does take alot of compromise--that I agree doesn't always feel like compromise--talk and arguing sometimes.

Keep talking, make time for each other. Hang in there! Unless there is abuse or continuous cheating, I really don't think there is any reason for divorce. And 2 years isn't really long enough to know IMO.

Good luck!!

Littlebaer
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 6:31 AM

bump

prettygirl326
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 6:38 AM
Listen to the woman above...she is right. I am married too. Been together a little over two years, married for one, and we have a 2 month old. In the early days and seldomly even now, i have felt the same way you feel. There is a lot of adjustment, forgiveness, and compromise involved in marriage and truly loving each other is what drives you to make it work and stick together as a whole. Sometimes it just comes with the territory to doubt and wonder if it will survive, but it takes two you know and what you are feeling is more common than you think. Talk to your husband more and keep everything open is key for us. When i feel down about our marriage, i talk to him and it is comforting to know that he is there for me and us. Do that. Communicate and ask questions. Also do positive self talk to help with feeling like your need to be more. Trust me, those worries can do more harm than good and really put a damper on the marriage, be careful. Enjoy marriage! It is rare now.
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RutterMama
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 7:16 AM
I have been with my hubby 11 years, married 8. It is still hard! What I have found helpful is #1 don't let divorce be an option. Just don't think about it at all. For richer, or poorer, in sickness and in health, FOR BETTER or FOR WORSE.
Second, buy, read & live by the book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Egridge (sp?).
Third, talk to him! The very best thing you can ever do is be completely open & honest about everything all the time.
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cjsk
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 7:16 AM
Also, keep mind a new baby can really throw a monkey wrench into a marrage, my husband and I have a woderfull relationship, but when our DD came we had some serious issues. It took awhile but our relationship is great again. It took alot of being honest and making sure we were saying things in a way that the other one would understand what we meant.
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DevotedToSix
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 7:47 AM


Marriage is always difficult and complicated, but what make's you strong is the things you go through together as best friends, husband and wife. Always keep communication between each other open, never shut down. Something's maybe hard to say, but set down and talk, never scream and yell; not good for you two or the baby! Try and do little things for each other; like, leave each other lit notes in your car, on a morrow, on the night stand just to say I love you. Buy one rose on the way home from work or when you are at the store ( 1 rose is 2.99 or less). Take time out of your busy life for each other, make a date night; even if it's just watching a movie together after you get the baby down for the night. No wife is perfect nor is any husband, we all make our miss takes. How ever you are perfect for each other. You do not have to come from the same background to love each other. Compromise, use both of your background's to make the situation better not worse. Every marriage is hard, but if you love each other and you are in love with each other; you can get through anything together. Hold your head up, take a deep breath and smile. Things will be ok and or get better, don't give up so soon. Be yourself this is way he loves you!!! Remember, you have to love yourself completely before someone else can.


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dingysfamily
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 8:19 AM

 Great advice below!  I don't know if you believe in  prayer, but that is also a great tool - not just in your marriage, but in your everyday life.  Marriage isn't always easy, but if you love each other and want it to work .. then you have to work at it and like the others have said 'communicate'!  Very important.

Quoting mrsr0125:

 On my wedding day in the dressing room at the reception I had a slight freak out when my mom and my "lady helper" the place assigned to me were helping bustle my dress. I threw my hands over my mouth and said, "Oh my gosh! What does a wife do???" And my lady just laughed and said, "Keep doing what you're doing!"

How do you know you are NOT a good wife? NOT a good mom? Does he tell you? I've been married 9 years now and the beginning was not easy. And our parents have been married now for 25 and 39 years. I can tell you that it does get better. We come from almost totally oppisite backgrounds, luckily he likes mine better though! LOL Now we are fine, but it took alot of work. But we have also been throgh, and are going through, alot of stressors.

Marriage is all about 2 different people coming together and making their OWN life. But it does take alot of compromise--that I agree doesn't always feel like compromise--talk and arguing sometimes.

Keep talking, make time for each other. Hang in there! Unless there is abuse or continuous cheating, I really don't think there is any reason for divorce. And 2 years isn't really long enough to know IMO.

Good luck!!

 

CameronsMommy23
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 8:27 AM
Always tell him how you feel, compromise, don't try to make anything about being right, give AND take! I've been married 3 yrs so it's pretty new for us too. We also just had twins in Oct and that brings a new element to your marriage. It redfines your meaning to each other but in a good way I think! Just never stop trying.
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ebnyflower
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:04 PM

i know I have to keep talking to him and maybe that's my biggest problem! I tend to shut down a lot and go into "I dont need anybody i can do it myself' mode. I'm working on it and I'm working with him, I just hope one of us doesnt give up on the other.

I know our marriage can last, we're both very determined and love each other very much, I just dont know how to make it last.


Thank you ladies for your advise!group hug

katiegirl
by Member on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:09 PM
Bumping. I'm not married so I have no advise.
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