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Last time my mom visited it was the ultimate disaster, she is visiting again HELP!!

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:31 PM
  • 11 Replies

Here is the shortest backgound I can give:

SO & I were engaged and I was pregnant with DD we also had SD13(full time) and SS8(EOW).

We had our issues but we never got to work on them because all the energy was spent on SD being crazy. things built up and I had a rough pregnancy once during the pregnancy I moved out for about a week and stayed with my dad. I moved back under the condition that things would change. things got a little better then went back to normal.

my mom came for 2 weeks when I had baby. There was already tension in the house and my mom "poured fuel on the fire" I was stressed because it was my first baby. 

SO & I got into a huge fight and I left with my mom and the baby(13days old) (moved to her house 12 hrs away).

 We lived at my moms house untill december of last year. So & I got back together and we now live together but SD now 15 lives between her friends house and moms house.(long story) SS 10now comes EOW still.

DD will be 2 may 1st, she has adjusted VERY WELL to living with daddy & mommy together. She is having less behavior "issues" and I feel is getting a better start in life by having her mom and dad working together.

 

When I moved with my mom she told me that she would "kill me" if I ever got back with him. So when I left her house I told her The baby & I would be living at my friends house, I gave her my friends address and everything.  I never told her I was moving right in with SO.

She called yesterday and told me that her "bf" is going to fly her in his small plane to come see DD & me.  She didnt give me a chance to say no or it is not a good time.

I want my daughter to see her but I dont want to see her and I am not really ready to tell her that i moved back in with him.

Any suggestions on how to make it work or how to artfully tell her?

My So is feeling very bad about it because he knows she pretty much hates him, his parents dies when he was 14 and he really does want my mom to at least like him. The thing is I know my mom she will never like him, she just wont. the only thing he is going to get from her is her fake nice when she is there and the decency to not talk badly about him to his face or myself.

Sorry this is so long but i really need some support here please.

 

 

 

 

 muffinI like cupcakes and muffins :)

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ShannaBee
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:35 PM

Set boundaries with your mom. If she cannot play nice and respect you and your decision along with your SO, then she should just stay away for awhile until she can. That may seem harsh but you cannot allow toxic people in your life especially when you are under stress such as working things out and being a first time mom.

RutterMama
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:56 PM

Wow hun, I'm so sorry! Did she seriously say she would KILL YOU??? #1 - that is a felony!

I would set boundaries also with her. Tell her that it is YOUR life and YOUR child... she can choose to be part of it and love you all or choose to not be part of it at all. Period. End of story. If things escilate, call the police and have her removed.

QueenB36
by on Mar. 4, 2011 at 2:38 PM

Bump

CameronsMommy23
by on Mar. 4, 2011 at 3:12 PM
I agree with the others, set boundaries immediately!! If she can't let you live your life then send her on her way. Good luck!!
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Lavanda
by on Mar. 4, 2011 at 3:14 PM
You're an adult and can make your own decisions about what's best for your family. While your mom is entitled to her opinion the decisions are ultimately yours and you need to make that clear to her.
QueenB36
by on Mar. 4, 2011 at 4:30 PM

how do I go about talking to her, honestly im a little afraid of her. I have this deep rooted fear that she wants to take my child away from me. I dont know why and maybe its irrational but thats my fear. Im afraid if she has any "dirt" on me or us that she will call to have my baby taken so she can have her. My mother is like 4 diffrent people and you never know which one you will get.

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Mar. 4, 2011 at 4:56 PM

Tell her straight up that you are together with him again, that you live together and you're happy.  She is welcome to come stay for a short visit but the minute she starts getting out of line, ask her to leave!  Put your foot down or the situation you're in is never going to change.  Believe me.  And she cannot take your baby away from you.  She'd have to go to court and have tangible evidence that you aren't a fit mother!

QueenB36
by on Mar. 4, 2011 at 6:18 PM

thank you for the support, I have had people controlling my life for so long its hard to do these things. I am finally at a point where i feel like i have the control and the only hard part now is putting my foot down and telling her whats up.

CameronsMommy23
by on Mar. 4, 2011 at 7:33 PM
Maybe you can call and tell her before she gets there. By the time she arrives she will have had time to calm down if it makes her upset.
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FruitCandy
by on Mar. 5, 2011 at 4:27 PM

You do need to set boundaries with your mom. You are not only an adult, but a mother yourself now. Don't be scared of her. She can't take your baby away the way she maybe could take your toys away. She needs proof of abuse, which she could never find, because you are a good mom. She can't ground you or make you stand in the corner. I would call her now and tell her. 

By the way, teenagers's brain patterns are found to be the same as scizopheniacs... It's not really your SD's fault, it's just that around that time everyone goes a little crazy. It is already a difficult time for her, and it was probably more difficult dealing with you showing up and the new sister coming. Not much you can do, but I wouldn't take it personally.

 

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