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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Should i be upset? or is it horomones?

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2011 at 8:08 PM
  • 4 Replies
My husband left while I was asleep. I knew he was going, and I'm told he told me bye, but I don't remember...anyway, he left 6hours ago with his friend to some group thing for their poker tournament.. I text him about an hour after he left and asked where he was, he said he was at the tournament, just arriving. I just called him and he is at his friends house because apparently this tournament was on Thursdays, not today. So he's been gone for 6 hours when I thought he was at one place, and he has been at another all day. He never told me, probably never would have if I hadn't called him. The biggest dilemma I find is when his friend came to get him, he had his 1 year old son. I don't think kids can go to these things. I don't think he ever intended on going anywhere but to the friends house, and didn't want to tell me because I don't like the guy and he was afraid I woudnt want him to go... what do I do? Should I avoid the argument and assume it was innocent? Or do I ask him and end up arguing all night? Or just pretend nothing happened and play nice?

My son is 5 weeks old, I think I may have PPD, that's why I'm asking, I apparently don't always think things through or logically. I need help.
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by on Mar. 18, 2011 at 8:08 PM
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by on Mar. 18, 2011 at 8:25 PM

everyone has different things that make them upset. i mean it is kind of a small thing compared to him lying and say.. going out with a female instead the a guy friend.


so i think yeah, it could be worse... BUT you were still lied to and i wouldnt take that too lightly. its like sneaky because he planned for it to happen. and im the same way as you.. i FLIP before i think... im very emotional, always have been :)

my advice? if you could, talk to him nicely about why you were hurt...or what bothered you about him being sneaky...(I.E WHAT ELSE ARE YOU BEING SNEAKY ABOUT?...kwim?)

so, good luck, and if you see him getting defensive right away then theres no point in arguing any further bc you know he knows what he did was wrong and is trying to cover it by defending his actions lol

tell him how you feel and leave it at that. if it happens again then you know he has no respect for your feelings... i have been there before .. lol.. i have experienced this many times :)

by on Mar. 18, 2011 at 8:29 PM

i would prob be upset that he lied. But im an emotional person to, plus im 7 months pregnant, so lol im prob not giving the best asnwer

by on Mar. 18, 2011 at 8:35 PM

I say let it lay for the night.  Get your thoughts together, write things down.  Try to avoid the argument by using terms like "I feel that the way things went down was dishonest" this way you aren't blaming/attacking him directly.  Say something like "next time you make plans to go some where and the location changes please have the decency to call me and let me know what is going on".  He needs to respect that fact that the two of you have a 5 month old and you are still dealing with all of that.  If he starts to attack you then you need to remind him that you weren't attacking him, that you were just letting him know how you felt about the situation and how it went down and that if he wants your respect and honesty then he has to give his in equal measure.  Marriage is a two way street and you both have to give 100% other wise it doesn't work. 

by on Mar. 19, 2011 at 6:59 PM
Thanks guys, I let it sit overnight and told him this morning just to let me know next time if plans change so I don't feel lied to. He assures me he will so we will see. And yeah having a 5 week old I am still pretty emotional and edgy, I'm trying really hard to keep my emotions in check to avoid further relationship problems between us, we had a lot while I was pregnant and I don't wanna fight so much anymore, I'm tired of it. However, not being pregnant I now see a few things that I could do differently so I'm trying. And I hope he sees that. Thank you again!
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