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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

On Sex, could use some positive encouraging advice here.

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So I'm 25, I will be 26 this May. I have been with hubs since I was 14. I love him to death. I have ALWAYS more than enjoyed sex with him. Well, until "recently" that is.

We got pregnant with our first son last year (December 2009) and towards the end of my pregnancy (We had our son September 2010) I started to become very disinterested in sex. Mainly because of how HUGE I was. My doc assured me that it's common in late pregnancy, not to worry, as soon as my 6 weeks of pp were up, I would be enjoying sex again.

No, not true. I had an episiotomy at my birth. I SWEAR it's not the same. Something is wrong down there. I think the doc might have added one too many stitches? Is that possible? I'm telling you since then it has not felt right, and I have not enjoyed sex at all. 

I again asked my doc about this. He said it's sometimes normal. Sometimes new mothers, especially breast feeding mothers, tend to lack an interest in sex for up to a year after birth. My son is only 6 months old; barely.

I had been on the depo shot until recently when hubs and I decided to TTC for baby number 2. I didn't like the side affects to begin with. Like the massive amount of hair loss. =( In any case, the doc told me that again that could also play into the whole lack of interest in sex. 

I don't know what my deal is. I miss having sex with my hubby. I just feel so tired, so exhausted at the end of the day, or when I finally get some alone time with my hubs that I have no interest in having sex with him. Not to mention it's still pretty painful to have sex with him. 

So do ya'll have any advice? I want to not only have sex with my hubby, but I want to enjoy it again! I miss being so intimate with my hubby, and I'm sure he misses it with me. Well, I know he does, he's always so pawsy.

Oh, the other issue is, he is a booby man. BUT< since I am breast feeding, I'd rather him NOT touch my breasts. A) They hurt, especially when they are filled with milk. B) I am just a little werided out by the fact, that they are currently used to feed our son. C) I've really never been a boob person, really never liked my boobs touched and what not. =(


I don't want my husband to end up finding sex else where, and I don't want to be sexless. How can I make sex happen and better? I'm sure the amount of stress we've had lately hasn't helped either. =(


Thanks for the advice and help. Please, I could use positive encouraging advice. 


                                         

                                  

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers

by on Mar. 30, 2011 at 11:44 PM
Replies (21-22):
domesticrecluse
by on Apr. 1, 2011 at 9:50 PM

I had no desire for sex when my kids were born, and I brestfed them both.  My daughter, in fact, would not stop nursing until she was almost 3! *ouch*  And although DH found it sexy that my boobs were much bigger, I sure in heck didn't feel very sexy...  Not when my boobs leaked at the thought of my kids, I was bleeding down below forever & couldn't pee without stinging, I felt huge, I lacked adequate sleep, etc.

My rugrat is now 6yrs old, and although I enjoyed it prior to pregnancy -- I am still sometimes sensitive when it comes to having my boobs touched a certain way.  Same thing goes for sex, some positions kinda rub me wrong -- not physically, but I mean that it does nothing to turn me on.

Have you tried talking to DH about it, and explaining that it's not him, but that some of the changes your body's gone through lately may be  around to stay, and that you two will have to find new/different ways of becoming intimate..?  If you say it like this, it sounds more fun and he won't take it personally like he's being insulted, which he isn't.

BTW, I took those depo shots for 5yrs and found out you're only supposed to be on it for no more than 2!!  It messes up your bones & makes them frail among other things... I got preggo on pills and ugh, the side effects were worse -- especially the weight gain and making me feel even less desirable & more cranky. LOL  So a few months ago I got an IUD, and although I was cramping bad the first week, OMG I felt so much better than I ever did on any other birth control.

If you're still not feeling up for it/him after your baby turns a year to 18mos old, you might want to speak to a specialist and see if perhaps, pregnancy hormones weren't the only things that got out of whack.  Sometimes the drain on your body (physically/mentally/emotionally) can shut you down or make you feel a bit "off".  Keep a journal, even if it's a simple one-liner per day, and see if you find a pattern as to your moods.  Maybe you'll see when you're more receptive to him or when you're least receptive, and then you'll know that it's probably something cycle-like (hormones, weather, events, etc) that's affecting you more than you thought.

Good luck!



kjoarcik
by on Apr. 1, 2011 at 10:17 PM
I'd be getting a new doctor. He's clearly not listening to you and I know I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
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