Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What's your view on arguing/disagreeing in front of the kids?

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:54 AM
  • 22 Replies

Just curious what your thoughts are on this...not talking about big fights, but just disagreements and arguments - is it okay for the kids to witness it sometimes or should it wait until they're not around?

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 6:54 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
xnegritalindax
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:28 AM

I believe it's better to to have them in private. If kids are older they might understand but small children have a hard time. They don't understand and it might upset them because they might thinnk it's something big. My daughter at the time was a bout one and my dh and I had a small argument and the baby was arround. She got upset and started screaming and crying. My dh and I learned a big lesson that day. It' harm them regardless of how small the argument is. If they are big you all could sit down and hage a talk and it's ok to disagree at times.

NoraDun
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:37 AM

Hubby and I disagree infront of the kids. I wouldn't hid it. When my Hubby was coming up his parents never argued or disagreed infront of him...so he thought real relationships didnt have that. He didn't know what to do they first time we disagreed...its like he had to learn just because we disagreed didn't mean we were doomed or didn't love eachother. It was almost like false advertising. So yes our children see us argue and appoligize and kiss and make up!

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:34 AM

I think it's okay to have small disagreements and arguments around your kids.  It's healthy for them to see that mommy and daddy are human too, they have feelings and they don't always share the same desires and goals.  And if handled the right way, it also might teach them how to overcome disagreements among their peers, and better ways to handle thier anger and frustration.  The only time I find it wrong is when the disagreement is about punishment, or rewards for the child [mom and dad need to be seen as a united front], and if the argument gets bad enough that you start speaking before you think and saying things that you shouldn't, like name calling and such.

sacdp29
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:52 AM

I think older children (10 yrs. +) can hear their parents disagree.  To me children need to know that life isn't always "perfect".  My parents never fought or argued much in front of me and my sisters.  When I got married, the first fight we had I was devastated but I had to realize, as an adult, that all couples have issues.  

I don't think that issues like money issues, marital problems should be in front of the kids but other stuff is ok.


 

crs2442
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:01 AM

 I hate arguing in front of my kids, especially my DSD. I feel like she goes back to her mom and tells her how DH and I can't even get along. And I want to set a good example for my boys of how to treat your spouse. My DH has never been physical towards me, but he can say horrible things. And I don't want my kids to learn that.

BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:09 AM

I believe it's better to have them in front of the kids.  I don't want DD disillusioned by life thinking everything is roses and wine.  I'd rather she learns to deal with conflict head on and learns to choose her battles. 

Rain2Rinse
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:17 AM

It is always better to disagree in private. My Fiance parents my dd from a previous relationship. I would never even consider undermining his authority in front of her. I don't always agree when he gives her ice cream as a snack before bedtime :) But I would never tell her no after he has told her yes.

It is better for children to view their parents as a united, single parental unit than two individual ones. 

A lot of people will say that it is healthy for children to see that mommy and daddy don't always think the same things etc. While that is true, I believe there is a time and place for everything. I don't think there is ever an excuse for a 4,5,6 year old to see mommy and daddy arguing, even if it is a small inconsequential argument. 

When my 4 year old dd is older, we can have discussions about the intricate workings of human relationships. She isn't ready for that now. 

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jun. 5, 2011 at 12:06 AM
I personally think it's inappropirate
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
toughnsweet
by on Jun. 5, 2011 at 12:08 AM
When we argue, we do it in private. Our children do not need to here their parents arguing. We get heated sometimes, though we always make up, but small children wouldn't understand. And, our children don't need to hear some of the things we argue about, because they are private.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Army_Angel28
by on Jun. 5, 2011 at 12:14 AM

We dont always agree in front of the 3yr old. But his kids are older and live with their mom we dont disagree in front of them

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)