Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Thinking about divorce....UPDATED

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:50 PM
  • 21 Replies

I know marriage isn't easy but I think I'm going to file for divorce on Monday. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and we have a 6 month old son together. Shortly after getting married he changed, before we got married he was so caring and loving but all that has change. He never touches me anymore, not even for a kiss or a hug. I think that started after I caught him cheating when I was 6 months pregnant. I believe he still may be cheating, like today he was suppose to get off work at 1pm and he still isn't home and not picking up his phone. I called his work to see if he was still there and the manager said he left at 1. I asked him if he isn't happy with me anymore and all he says is "I'm just going through something." I've tried for the sake of our son but I feel like I am drowning in this relationship and I want my son to see his mother as a strong woman and I don't think I am that if I stay in this marriage. We've been in marriage counsling for 5 months and still nothing has change. I could really use some advice.

***UPDATE*** Ok so I spoke with my husband about the divorce on Saturday night and he said what he always say about how he loves and cares for me. He claims he isn't having an affair. Begged me not to leave and to continue to try and work things out for our son sake. Here what really kills me. Sunday I was doing laundry and shorting out the dry cleaning. Well in a pair of his work pants I found a phone number and address. So I googled it and it was the phone number and address to a divorce lawyer. Went through his phone and he called the number on Thursday. When I confronted him he claims he was just doing "research" incase I actually  decided to follow through with getting a divorce and says he doesn't want a divorce and that he loves me. Do I believe him and keep working at this marriage or do I leave his sorry butt? I can sort of understand him looking into a lawyer since I did tell him a was considering a divorce but how is working on it if he looking for a divorce attorney?


by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:50 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MNLETLE
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:51 PM
No advice but good luck!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sandra1023
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:59 PM

Good luck.  Maybe you could file for a separation and you could both try some counseling while you're apart?  Either way, I hope everything works out for you.

mom_on_strike
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:04 PM

I think the separation is a good idea..if you still love him and want things to work out maybe just go with the separation first..then you will know if you two are meant to be or if it is better for all of you to get divorced. my only advice is to try and keep everything civil..it will make things with your son easier if his mom and dad can get along for his sake...def. try separation before divorce...good luck with everything and I hope things turn out good for you

Quoting sandra1023:

Good luck.  Maybe you could file for a separation and you could both try some counseling while you're apart?  Either way, I hope everything works out for you.


llaven
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:14 PM
We tried separating 2 months ago. I was gone for a month, but came back because he begged me to because he missed and loved me. Things were better for a few days but then the same things started happening again. He does that all the time I complain about his behavior, he'll change for a few days but he always goes back to his past behaviors.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
biancalina20
by Bianca Lina on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:16 PM
I'm sorry hun. I don't have really any advice but want to wish you luck in whatever u decided.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mrs_smiph
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:38 PM

I hope you two can work things out.  Why jump straight to divorce?  Why not just separate for a while to see where things go?  I also believe that a certain book may help your relatiosnhip.  It's called "Love and Respect" by Eggerichs.  He is a Christian minister and teaches that a marital relationships can easily spin out of control.  He also teaches that the way to control these out-of-control periods, men need to show their unconditional love for their wife and women need to show unconditional respect for their husband.  He touches on scripture from the Bible which show that men inherently need respect in life and women inherently need love in their life.  He suggests that women make a list of what she respects about her man and then share the list with him.  I have done this in my marriage and continue to show respect and remind my man about the things I respect about him.  It instantly softened him and he showed more affection toward me.  It's easy and it really works.  Marriage is hard and both have to be involved for success.  In sharing your list of things you respect about him, you pretty much persuade him (subconsciously) to be involved in the success of your relationship.  The way Eggrichs describes it, the love/respect cycle is more desireable than the out-of-control cycle.  You show respect and he shows love, therefore you show more respect because of his love and on and on.  I hope everything works out.  PM me if you would like. 

123Kathy
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 3:16 PM

I guess when people say it is hard work being married! They were not joking. Being married for long time now. Some days are better than others. Cheating husband be really hard to deal with. If he is not cheating, I wonder if you can think to spark back in your heart? Today my husband and me are going on picnic. Something we use enjoy to do before we got married. Our son is going graduate from High School tonight. Super Excited :) I just know what I was told. Between me and you, it is hard. Definitely my husband is really different after we was married too.

                  Kathy

SlightlyPerfect
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 3:22 PM

Sounds like he's not ready to man up and be a dad.

I'm so sorry.

RockstarsMoM08
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 4:27 PM
Gl *bump*
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jun. 5, 2011 at 12:00 AM


Quoting biancalina20:

I'm sorry hun. I don't have really any advice but want to wish you luck in whatever u decided.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)