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Libido and love

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:03 AM
  • 1 Replies

 Ok ladies, I have an issue I am hoping someone can shed some light on. I am almost 7 years older than my husband. I had a child young and was raised religously.  He was raised by divorced parents, one a basket case, one a marine. He was left to his own devices mostly, I was babied. I was drawn to him like a drug and have never been able to let go of him no matter how much crap we have been thru. I came to the relationship with a child, whom he did the best he could to raise with me. We also had 2 together.

 So, he seemed the perfect match in at least one area, sex. So wonderful, for so long. Both of us with a high drive. About x amount of years into the marriage he expressed an interest in exploring sex. I was terrified. He says he took baby steps with me cuz I was so niave and he loves me. I was so mad if I found a porn I used to throw them out. So, afraid I would lose him, we began doing things that to my surprise a lot of married people choose to explore together. He was super attractive when he was younger (I'm not too bad either!) and women were always looking at him and smiling. I am so glad he said he never wanted to cheat on me and loved me always, he wanted to do things together.

 We did crazy things, but I always freaked out afterwards, feeling like such a bad person, nervous, worried about why he would want to do these things, I always thought he was enough and I was so in love. It caused a lot of problems, despite that I did have fun during ( alcolhol helped). So, the last few years we have barely done anything of the kind. I am done with what I would term a stage since I didn't get to go experiement at a young age like so many people get to, and I am fine with that, I have no interest what so ever in going there again.

 I know this is terribly long winde, I really need to talk to someone!! Anyhoo.... he understands I don't want to do things wild like before. However, my libido is way way down, I am not the same. I'm not going to do hrt at age 43, I worked with them and know it is controversial as to the effects down the road. How do I bring myself to fake it?? for his sake, to show him what is important to him is to me cuz I love him. He says he doesn't want to be married to a nun. He is only asking for freaky sex occassionally. Sounds reasonable. But porn is disgusting to me, if I sit in a strip club for 5 minutes I have a nasty look on my face cuz I'm freaking out inside I feel so full of anxiety I want to run out, he still has a high sex drive and I just don't know how to handle this. My marraige is strained badly. I don't want him to give up on me, he does have needs, he wants me to be a "normal person" and enjoy it and not worry about what "mommy and daddy told me".

 Am I stuck in a developmental stage that most people normally outgrow when they are young? Is there an aide I can use to calm myself or even become excited for the eveing? Oh, please help,ladies! thankyou so much.

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:03 AM
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Jerzymom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:19 AM

Wow!   All I can say is if your husband loves you and he says he understands, then he should respect that and not pressure you about it.  It is only natural that a woman's libido decreases as we get older. You should not be pressured to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.  Just like you say you want to do things to please him because you love him, he should do the same. You need to come to a mutual agreement.  Have you ever thought of going to a sex therapist?  Hope things work out for you.

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