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Have you ever come close to having an affair, or had bad conversations with someone?

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:46 PM
  • 35 Replies

In our circle of friends, mainly our bar hopping friends, there's a guy that I have known. He is engaged and has a son from his previous marriage. I am married (for 11 years) and we have three kids. Recently we all went out except his fiance wasn't there. There's always been chemistry between him and I but neither of us has ever acknowledged it until that night. We didn't do anything physically, but have been texting back and forth since then. We've texted before but never quite like this. I know it is a very slippery slope.

Anyone ever been in a situation similar before?

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:46 PM
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by Member on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:48 PM
I steer clear of relationships/friendships like that.

There is a difference between harmless flirting and on the road to emotional affair. Tread carefully.
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by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:51 PM
Yes I have. I feel awful to this day. Its been over a year since then and my wonderful husband showed ne the grace of God and forgave me. Its been tough gaining his trust back but I'm so glad he did! We are so happy now and I love him so very much!
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by Platinum Member on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:52 PM

This can be a very slippery slope and a bad one to fall down lol.  My relationships are very different.  I trust my partners and they trust me, that being said i do flirt with guys and dance with other guys when i go to the bar (whether my guys are with me or not) and they don't care as i am not going to "go all the way" so to speak.  I have male friends that i text all the time that are just that friends.  My guys know i talk to them daily, that i flirt and that we hang out sometimes and everyone one knows it is just friendship.

Emotional involvement (friendship or more) can be very addicting.  It fills a need of "new relationship energy" even if it isn't a relationship....confusing i know. But basically it gives you that feeling of being in a new relationship all over again...the "Oh, he is calling me" or "wonder what that look meant.." so on and so on.  It is very easy to get caught up and enjoy that and that is what can make this dangerous.

Can you do these things with your husband knowing you do them?  Would you have any qualms about going "look what mr. x sent me" in regards to a text or picture he sends? Can you look at him as a friend that is just a blast to hang around and know that even if you flirt that is all it is?  If your answer is Yes to these then i think more power to you.  IF your answer is No to these then i would be very very careful.

Just my thoughts!


by Ruby Member on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:05 AM

I have.  A couple years ago I met this guy online while playing a game and we started chatting.  I let him know right away that I was married and only interested in friendship but after a few weeks we both started having feelings for each other.  I let DH know what was going on and I reminded the other guy that I was still inlove with DH even though I did have feelings for him.  Eventually all three of us decided it was best just to end contact since we couldn't be just friends.  I think Anryan hit the nail on the head when she said, "It fills a need of "new relationship energy" even if it isn't a relationship."  Even though I had feelings for him at the time, thinking about it, I quickly realised they were only short term.  With my husband it's definitely long term.  He was upset with me but he also understood and was happy I didn't try to hide anything from him. 

by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:07 AM

 Never had anything go like that, but did sort of have a mutual crush on someone.  It was hard to not let it go anywhere.  I avoided any friendship with him because I knew how I was feeling, and how he was acting was just bad news. 

What I would do is ask yourself why you like him?  I know in my case it was just that I really liked the attention that I was getting from him since at the time I felt like I wasnt getting it from my husband.  It was so flattering and felt so good.  This isnt going to just hurt your husband, but it will hurt you, his family, and most importantly your kids.  You have to cut it off completely, it will be hard, you will want to talk to him.  But just tell him you dont find whats going on appropriate, and you dont want to talk to him anymore.  When you see him when your out, avoid any close contact, and do not be alone together.  When you want to talk to him, or tell him something, tell it to your husband instead, or do something for him, like cook him something special.  Or if he isnt around you could text him instead. End it now before it gets more difficult.  You owe it to everyone involved to do the right thing, and I promise you will feel better about yourself for doing the right thing. 

by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:09 AM

nope i wouldn't risk my marriage for an ego boost.

by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:10 AM
No, I have never even crossed that line. What you have with your husband now is what you will have eleven years from now with anyone new you will meet. Be careful, be very careful, you are treading on very thin, and I mean "thin" ice.................
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by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:33 AM
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by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:35 AM

yes and it can be dangerous.

by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:57 AM

It's not so much as an ego boost, and I don't have emotional feelings for this guy - as in, I'm not falling in love or want a "connection" with him - it's nothing emotional, purely physical. It's not so much that I seek out attention - my DH gives me plenty - but I just want really hot sex. And the "newness" = "hotness". I know this sounds really bad, and please try not to bash me, but he makes me want to have hot, steamy sex. And this is going to sound really bad, but my husband has gained weight over the years - he's not huge, but he has gained quite a bit of weight and that has dampened our sex life. He can't get on top anymore. This guy flirts with me - he actually is a big flirt with lots of girls - but I think it's the combination of the potential for really hot sex and the "newness". I love my husband with all my heart. But he is not providing in the sex department - though he gives really awesome oral sex - but the imaginations that run through my head of how good it could be with this guy...

I'm so bad, and I know it's wrong. Our text messages the past few days have been wayyyy inappropriate. He was actually willing to meet me somewhere. I think he was half kidding. My husband knows I have a crush on him, and we have flirted in front of him. My husband is pretty open - he thinks flirting is harmless. I think if I came home and said "we did it", he probably wouldn't like that but he told this guy, "flirt all you want, but I get to take her home and fu&k her".


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