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Need advice... Been married a month... ready for a divorce

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:13 PM
  • 18 Replies

I have been married for a month and i am really thinking a bout a divorce...  He is a great guy but there are just some things that he does that drives me up the wall... like how he can just go a blow a pay check in a day when he and i both know that we have bills to pay as well as a total of 4 mouths to feed... and how it almost kills him to pick up anything around the house or was a freaking dish... I work 2 jobs and i am looking to go back to school I have 2 kids that are not his but he is more of a dad than their dad is... and then the dog is about to have puppies... he get home from work and goes to take a nap... then on the one day i have off a week i want to sleep in just a little bit not to late but till like 10 or so and he gets all kinds of pissed cause i am not up to help him with the kids... I know that it is kind of sad when all of my friends can see me with some one else and dont like the man that i married... even my friend who were at my wedding dont like him... and what really pissed me off is when I get a day off from both jobs he would rather go hang out and hunt or fish with his friends  than spend any time with me... the when i say something to him about it he says well you can hang out with their wives... I dont want to hang with the wives i want to hang with the man that i married... then if i go hang out with my friends... he gets pissed cause i am not home...


I am at my wits end... he didnt used to be like this... I dont know what has changes, but i dont like it and he is not the man that i married

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
holyhanna
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:17 PM

was he like this before??? i would try counseling before divorce good luckhugging

pixidst73
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:22 PM

 My DH was like that too. Next Tuesday we will be married 20 years. It was hard in the beginning, but I refuse to be a statistic. If you nit pick over every little thing he does, you will go crazy. Pick your battles!!!

stephy459
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:23 PM
O man I uve gott be married to my dh he isn't wrking I wrk two jobs plus do most of the housework take care of boths kids and the dogs hun I would love to here the advice these ladies give u
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_Mrs.H_
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:31 PM

 I would check into counseling. 

Mrs.wilcox01
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:35 PM

bump.sorry i have no advice

 

AlannaMaria
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:52 PM
i would have a serious talk with him and maybe try counseling? good luck mama and i hope things get better..((hugs))
busy_mama27
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:28 PM

Counseling is a good idea.

This is my very best advice.  You both need to think about (separtely) what marriage is suppose to be like for you.  What kind of marriage do you want?  What does it include?  What is acceptable and what isnt?  People never discuss this... but how can anyone have a good marriage when neither one knows what the other persons expectations are.  This is the first thing you need to do.  Figure our what you NEED, what you just WANT, and what is IDEAL.  You both have to be happy for it to work.  You wont get it overnight but if hes willing to hear you and be what you need and you are willing to let go of unrealistic expectations then it can work. 

Me and my husband went through a similar sleight of issues after we got married.  It took us about 6 months to get on the same page but we BOTH put in the effort .. which is needed for it to work.  Its hard.

Im really sorry that you guys are struggling.  Financial conflicts and unfair splitting of obligations are the bulk of what makes marriages fail.  You need to find a way to work through them.  For some people counseling is best because emotions flare.

 

Goodluck!  Hang in there. 

orangeillusion
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:30 PM
HI would ask him to schedule time in the next week to have a serious talk. Have him schedule it so you know its a good time for him. Be sure to tell him if he doesn't then you will. If a convo doesn't bring about changes then try counseling. Be sure to not accuse (you always/never, I always/never) him and stay calm. If you want your marriage to last get rid of the 'D' word.
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busy_mama27
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:31 PM

Also note.. every person is different.  Many women take up the lead role around the house... doing most or all of the housework, doing most or all of the kids stuff, etc.  You need to find out where your personal boundaries are. 

Personally... I know I would never be ok with that.  I would grow to resent him then where would our marriage and family be?  In the pooper... thats where!  He and I have expectations of eachother.  But we make them known.  And if either person thinks an expectation is unfair... we discuss it respectfully. 

 

hugs

mommy0708toJC
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 1:33 PM

how long did you date for? I agree counseling is best but if he won't go try just talking. Any family around to help? I mean I'm sure it would be nice to just go out and have a nice dinner with him and NO kids,Lol. I got 2 monsters and its hard just getting any time with my SO. good luck and Hugs!

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