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It's official... Got results & I'm a stepmom!

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:54 PM
  • 35 Replies

Yep that's right... the affair he had resulted in baby #5 for him...well 6 since he considers my oldest his  son too. So... I'm a stepmom!That's right isn't it?

I'm heart broken, angry, frustrated, confused, disappointed...every single emotion has run though my body since I found out 2 hours ago!

He told me that he knew a few weeks ago... so every time I asked if he had heard anything & he said not yet he lied to me. He told me he didn't know how to tell me. And his mom knew (because she was there with him when he opened the results instead of me like I asked him to do)! So 2 weeks ago when I took my kids over there & she asked if there was any news yet she knew!!! And I told him I thought his sister knew something because she told me she had this really strong feeling that he has known for awhile. Which means either their mom told her or hinted around that the results came in.

I told him that if he wants to make us work he has got to be honest with me & hiding things from me or doing things behind my back because he doesn't want to hurt me is the same as lying to me.

I found out from a friend that she (babymamma) has been posting on her FB wall things like "Chillin with the BD. He's mad cuz I'm on here" or "Waiting on my baby daddy to come over" or "It's sad that my baby doesn't know his other grandma" & her friends are saying my MIL is a racist B****! And that she can't handle the puertarican in her (in the BM)!!!! And the comments about him being/going over are posted at 2/3AM!!! So, after he gets off work (he's a manager at a fast food restraunt & when he closes he will go visit the baby... so he says).

I told him I don't want him going over there that late...there is no reason for it. He just said "okay". He also said his mom thinks he shouldn't tell the kids & said I don't want them to know! And not just because I want nothing to do with the baby. My mother has several health issues right now & my dad came close to having a heart attack this summer... my kids would blab & I'm afraid something will happen to my parents. Plus, my mother already hates him & this would just add fuel to her fire!

I told him I want nothing to do with the baby which I understand that it makes it difficult since I don't want him to be around her. He tells me that he loves me & wants to make us work. I told him I am tired of being the only one who gives everything & never gets anything out of it. That it feels like nothing has changed between us other than the fact that he tells me he loves me. I also told him there have been many times that I just wanted to walk away from the marriage & be done with it. That I was tired of being walked on. All he could say is "I'm trying" & I said it doesn't seem like it.

So... there we go...

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mama2ETA
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:59 PM

Oh man, Im sorry. I hope everything works out great for YOU and your kids! 

Mrs.Worthen71
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:59 PM

i would walk. thats ridiculous, he obviously isnt taking you seriously.. what a jerk off

conniejo75
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 12:01 AM
I don't know ur situation, but it sounds very familiar to one a friend of mine went through the guy has a kid by someone other than his wife and she stayed... But he has continued to cheat w/ BM and others too. She knows yet wants to believe he has changed even though there are blaring red flags.
If he is going there @ 2/3 in the morning, he is still involved with her... Sorry but that's how I see it. The fact he's been lying to you is another red flag too. I would get into marriage counseling, set up daytime visits preferably with a friend/ family member so he isn't alone with her.
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tinkerbe1187
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 12:01 AM
Oh wow I'm sorry sweetie.
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Benswifey10710
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 12:02 AM


Quoting Mrs.Worthen71:

i would walk. thats ridiculous, he obviously isnt taking you seriously.. what a jerk off

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MamaMendoza2631
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 12:04 AM

Oh I'm sorry ((((hugs)))). I can't imagine what you're going through. Your right, there isn't a reason to go over the "baby mamas" house that late at night to see the baby he can visit the baby at a reasonable time during the DAY.

Are you willing to work things out with him, like counseling? Or you haven't decided what to do?

HopefulMommy89
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 12:05 AM
(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry mama. You (and your kids!) deserve so much better than that. And I hate to say it, but once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't think he'll change. You need to do what's best for you and your kiddos, regardless of what he claims he wants. If he didn't want to deal with consequences, he shouldn't have been screwing around, but he also should have had your family in mind. I'm so sorry that you are getting hurt in the process.
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snakesNsnails
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 12:25 AM

oh my goodness..i hate to say this because it seems so harsh, but im 99.9 % sure that he is still in a relationship with BM.  when i got pregnant with mine and my dh's first baby i was BM. he was a player. he was telling other women that we weren't in a relationship. he was a huge ass jerk.  it took ALOT for him to get to the man that he is today.  you have decisions to make.  and although my situation was much different that yours,  the eye opener for my dh, before we were married was to take my house key off of his key ring and tell him that he was no longer welcome in my home. whatever you decide, i wish you the best of luck and i hope that all turns out for the best.  ((((((hugs)))))

xploziv1
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 3:05 AM

I agree with the others - there's something dodgy still going on if he is going over there at that hour.  And the fact that he kept the results from you for several weeks, when others knew? That's unacceptable.

If he is really "trying" then he will stop the lying, and he will stop going over there without your knowledge - particularly at weird times in the night.  You both need some sort of counselling to work through all this and really determine how serious he is about making this situation work.  There needs to be strict guidelines in place if you can ever expect to learn to trust him again.  I know that you don't want anything to do with BM and the baby, but remember that the baby is the innocent party in all of this.  Is there any way that he could organise to pick the baby up and take the child away to spend time with him, rather than at the BM's house?  The less he has to do with the BM, the better.

_Mrs.H_
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 5:39 AM

 Oh my.  I am very sorry about this whole thing.

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