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Made a Fool.....

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:39 PM
  • 18 Replies

I am in a dillema.....I mean I know what I should do, but it's not that easy.  I am by no means innocent in my relationship of 15 years......no sexual cheating, but kissed a man, who was not my partner and have been regretful and remorseful ever since....  now to get more to the point,  I have been with the same man for 15 years, and we have 2 beautiful kids.  I will just cut to the chase, he is having an "emotional" affair.  I've known about this for about a year, he met her at his place of employment in 2010, and at first she had a boyfriend and it seemed like it was just friendly between them.  Since then she and her beau broke up, and I thought nothing of it, but then the texting started......at first it was during normal waking hours, then it got to be at all hours of the night and day and sometimes phone calls exchanged.  I did manage to see some of the texts in the beginning and they read, "oh, I miss you" and "you make me happy" and a couple even said "thanks for lastnight"  and "I had a great time with you"......that was a clear warning that something was up.  Now here it is at the end of 2011 and since this started, she has moved and changed her number.  I thought, GREAT! SHE'S GONE!  BUT,  I WAS DEAD WRONG AND THE BS HAS STARTED ALL OVER AGAIN.  She only moved up north and he told me she moved out of the state......LIE!  He has her new number listed under someone elses name in the phone contacts and still lies about all of this.......I have confronted him on a few occasions and it's always the same answer......"She's nothing to me, we are JUST friends!".....".I can't control her texting me to say, "Hi, how's it going?".  And "you are just being crazy, it's nothing!" and  "I SWEAR ON THE LIVES OUR KIDS!!!!"  Which I also find disturbing!  I have done things in the past to jeapordize our marriage- so I AM NO BY NO MEANS A SAINT EITHER AND HAVE ADMITTED TO MY WRONG DOING, and he knows about me kissing another man,  that is the only physical contact I have had with any other man since I have been with him,  financial crap and the like, but am in the process of getting our lives back on track and now I am dealing with and staying in our marriage.....I have been advised that I should just leave, but that is easier said than done.....I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, and wondering if there are other wives out there who have had to deal with this and what they did to resolve the issue......

Stacey LG N.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
biancalina20
by Bianca Lina on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Well, its not an easy thing and hes clearly going over the line. You should do what your heart tells you even though its hard... You should be happy....Hugs.
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staceylgnunn
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:01 AM

Thank you Biancalina20 for the kind words and you are right I should be happy, and I am because I have my kids.....I have some desicions to ponder on and choices to make, it's not easy and I will come out a winner......I think, I just do not like the feeling of insecurity.....

RutterMama
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:07 AM
2 moms liked this
I'm so sorry. Do you attend a church? Often they offer free counseling.
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Mom2CodyNCJ
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this
U know what u need to do now u have.to decide.if its what u will do. So sorry
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staceylgnunn
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:12 AM

Thank you ladies.....I DO SO MUCH APPRECIATE ANY AND ALL ADVICE!  THANK YOU

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:19 AM
2 moms liked this

One of the things I learned about marriage is that when you're having troubles, it can be saved if BOTH parties are willing to save it.  If you're the only one doing the rescuing of the relationship, and he's fighting you on it, then you would have better luck beating your head against a brick wall.  If he's not willing to stand with you and fight for your vows, then there's really no point is there?

I'm sorry you're going through this.  Sounds like he's all mixed up in the head, which is not an excuse by any means.  We all make mistakes and I'm glad that you've owned up to yours.  I wish you luck honey.  [hugs]

CameronsMommy23
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:28 AM
1 mom liked this
This exactly! *hugs*

Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

One of the things I learned about marriage is that when you're having troubles, it can be saved if BOTH parties are willing to save it.  If you're the only one doing the rescuing of the relationship, and he's fighting you on it, then you would have better luck beating your head against a brick wall.  If he's not willing to stand with you and fight for your vows, then there's really no point is there?


I'm sorry you're going through this.  Sounds like he's all mixed up in the head, which is not an excuse by any means.  We all make mistakes and I'm glad that you've owned up to yours.  I wish you luck honey.  [hugs]

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babybuddafly
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 5:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Have you talked to her? I know it sounds crazy but obviously you two are the married ones and I'm guessing she's single? Either way by the texts that you have seen which by the way are completely wrong and since your husband is claiming they are only "friends" and you know her # just call her and tell her how inappropriate you find the texts shes sending to your husband considering they are only friends. Ask her to leave him alone because this is causing friction between the two of you. Hopefully she will respect that and if they keep talking inappropriately then there really isn't much left to do but either keep putting up with it or sadly leaving. I know it's never easy leaving but its a choice you need to make from the bottom of your heart and give yourself what you deserve. You don't want to be w someone that doesnt give you the respect and doesnt make you happy and 5 years later or x amount realize you should have left a while ago and all you did was lose valuable precious time that we only have once. Wish you the best of luck!
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batsbelfry
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 5:42 PM
3 moms liked this

If nothing is going on then why lie about where she moved and put her name under different name on his phone. People who have nothing to hide don't hide anything.  I can't say whether you should leave but changes do need to be made.  Talk to him about respecting how you feel about the innappropriateness of her texts.  How would he feel if a gentlemen from your workplace texted you at all hours of the night?  Perhaps a different perspective would help him understand.  Good Luck!

nowaygourmet
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 5:54 PM
1 mom liked this
ive been married 16 yrs but have never been thru the things ur dealing with. if it ere me the 1st thing i would ask myself is if i was still in love with him. if i was then i would fight for what was mine. if not then theres isnt anything to fight for but we would part as friends.
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