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We've had so many issues..now he is going into deep depression..im using the last of the fight i have in me :(

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:05 AM
  • 7 Replies

 My SO of 8 yrs ( we have always lived seperatley due to financial issues) has gone into a deep depression..

He is a hard worker ...he works for a roofing company , so he is used to being up at 4am ...out the door by 5 am , and walking in the door anywhere between 7pm and 9pm.

In september , he ended up tearing the ligiments in his ankle and has been in an air cast/ walking boot  (so not as mobile as he is used too), and he has been off of work for the past two months because it is taking a long time to heal.

I know that when he is not working ..he tends to get depressed ..it happens every year , but this year is different ...

In October we found out i was pregnant and he was so happy! ( this would have been his first BIOLOGICAL child) ..two weeks after finding out about the baby ...it was diagnosed as an ectopic pregnancy.

He has become very distant , very angry at times (but not violent) ...other time happy as can be , and then the slightest thing can put him in a sad mood for the rest of the day.

He hardly calls me if he is not with me , lately he has been keeping to himself even when he is here ....

Two weeks ago (halloween weekend) , we actually had a conversation about seperation ...he told me that for months he was unsure if he wanted a relationship, he has been unsure of his whole life ....he doesnt know what he wants.

he says that he loves me , and he knows that he doesnt want me out of his life ..but that he doesnt know what he wants.

We agreed on Halloween weekend that he would stay the weekend , so my emotions did not ruin our DD's halloween ....we had gone out on the saturday to a party at a friends house ( no children) ..and we had a great time , the next day he apologized for friday's events....

I figured that it was just something that happend , and that everything was going to be ok.

But i have noticed him getting more distant ..keeping more to himself , he hasnt been showering ....which is really weird for him, because he is a very hygenic man. He only seem's to shower when he is here , because i suggest it. (he is usually only home 3 days the most before coming back)

He does not have a sex drive ...we have had sex only 3 times in the past month...and he is usually a very loving , sexual man ...

He still cuddles with me at night ..and searches under the pillow for my hand on his own.

We had another conversation monday night ..and once again he is telling me that he is unsure of anything in his life ..including this relationship. Again , he tells me that he loves me ...when asked if he is still inlove with me ..his response is "I think so" ..when asked why he comes here ...he says " i come because you want me too ...it makes you happy , so i am happy".

I told him that I am very sure of what i want ...i want him, but for a while i am going to refrain from calling or texting , or asking him to come over ...i want him to make that decision ...when he wants to..i'll always be here.

He told me , that he didnt think that was very fair for me ..and that he wants me to text him , but i dont want to make him feel like i am NEEDING him to be with me or in contact with me all the time ( these are feelings he is having ..which from what ive read , they are normal).

I do have one idea ...

I am going to send him an index card in the mail ..once a day. That have these three things on them ...1) As a person ; than name positives about him 2) As the man i love : than add positives about him as a partner , 3) My special memories: im going to add a memory of him, that has made me smile through out the years.

I am not expecting a response from him with these ...i am doing this to show him all of the good qualities about him , in hope's to help him.

Has anyone gone through depression with their spouse / SO ?

How did you deal with it ?

by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:05 AM
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Replies (1-7):
Countrymom11312
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:15 AM
I think the postcard is a wonderful idea. Seems to me that maybe he is feeling worthless. I'm going to say this and by no means do I mean it this way this is probably just how he's feeling. Can't work so that makes him feel like a bum can't even make a baby right. What's it all worth? Seems maybe he is needing you to need him. That way he feels some worth, some purpose. I have suffered with depression my whole life so please don't take anything I say wrong this is just my opinion and how I would feel in his shoes. This too shall pass the only thing you can do to help someone like that is to be there for them if they WANT to talk. Don't push too hard that scares some of us. Stay positive. Show him the good in him like you mentioned with the cards. That's ALOT to go through especially for someone who has depression issues. It's hard for you as well because you mentioned at least one child and it's hard to know what he's feeling. Whatever the outcome may be be his friend. Be there for him. He will come around. Hugs and best of luck to ya
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witchmomone
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:16 AM

No I have never had to go thru it with my husband but he sure has had to go thru it with me. I am bi-polar with severe depression. He needs to see a doctor asap and get on some medication. Depression is very crippling.

spcjones203
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:18 AM

 Try The Love Dare.

I think you can google it.

It might help.

momof52011
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:19 AM

My husband got made me redundant a number of years ago and he never talked about separation but he barely talked to me. The thing that got him moving again was when he started to feel needed, we started up our own business together and suddenly he came to again, it was like greeting a different man. I'm sorry I can't help more in your situation, would he agree to go to the doctor? Not necessarily for medication but perhaps they could recommend something?

Also if there's anything he can do to feel needed I bet he'd be happy, is there any volunteer work that he could do with his ligament issues?

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i.heart.myboys
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:19 AM
Your SO sounds like my DH sometimes. He thinks that he doesn't 'deserve' us that any time we would leave him. He's very insecure and I'm the first person in his life that wants/needs him. (He has a screwed up family!) I think if you show him you want/need him that it'll make him feel better. I always make chores for my DH for him to do because I 'can't do it' sometimes that helps!
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-mrs.mamma-
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 9:12 AM


Quoting witchmomone:

No I have never had to go thru it with my husband but he sure has had to go thru it with me. I am bi-polar with severe depression. He needs to see a doctor asap and get on some medication. Depression is very crippling.

have to agree with witch!  :)

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EmeraldBirdie
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 9:22 AM

 I can't give you any advice but I can tell you that you seem like a very strong loving woman. I think your post card idea is wonderful & will maybe help him come around. I wish the very best for you two.

*sending positive thoughts your way*

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