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Well my Satuday went to crap

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:14 PM
  • 13 Replies

 We where planning on putting up the tree and lights and decorating today, had it planned since last week. DH informed me thurs night that he was going riding with his buddies on sat, i wanted to say what the hell, i thought we were decorating, but i just said ok have fun, whatever im not going to fight about it. So i asked him to get out a few bins and ill just start decorating while hes gone, then he says that the house needs to get a deep clean before i should decorate, now the whole thing is getting to me. He knows i wanted to do this, and that its important to me, and found something more important to him, so thats what hes doing. I was obviously upset, so he says, well wait till i get home and ill help clean and decorate, nice in theory, but he wont be home untill at least 2 or 3 this afternoon, hell shower, eat, nap, then it will be time for dinner and bed, i know the routine. On top of it ive got a 3 day migrane, my son is miserably teething, and i was hoping he would see this and offer to stay home and give me a break, but i know better. He works all week, so the weekends are his days off to do what he wants, and i get to work 24/7/365 with no days off or time off at all. I just want to be gone when he gets home and not deal with it. I want to take time to do something for me, but everytime i try, he says ok, then when it comes time, it somehow gets put at the bottom of the list. Dam, sorry for the vent, i dont have anyone else to tell. I hope your days are going better than mine!

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tat2ma0825
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:17 PM

When he gets home just walk out of the house and leave.  Go get coffee, go to a bookstore, manicure...just go out!

ctfirsttimemom
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:17 PM

When he comes home just hand him the baby and take off on your own for a couple hours.  Leave him a list of things to try to get done.  I don't understand husbands that don't help!

Lauren5280
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:20 PM

It sounds like the two of you need to work on your communication skills.  You say you're hoping he'll see what you need and just offer to do it.  This is not going to work!  A gentle reminder would have been the way to go when he mentioned going riding.  A compromise of a shorter ride in exchange for helping get the house decorated. 

If you don't communicate your needs then you can't be upset when he doesn't meet them. 

I'm sorry you're not feeling well.  Try to enjoy the decorating process.  It can be quite enjoyable.

Married to my best friend and mom to 3 amazing girls, 22, 14 & 12


olliesmommy2
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:21 PM

 I know i cant expect him to know something if i dont tell him, but he knows whats going on, and has made his decision. I guess i feel if i said "hey, i really need you to stay home and help", it would either turn into an argument( we dont get in big fights) and he would go anyway, or he would stay and resent me for having to stay home. I guess i just know that if it was the other way around, theres no way id go and leave my DH like hes done. Its just sad that its an unrealistic expectation to think others will step outside themselves and see that other poeple are here too. I guess im just pouting now. Thanks.

Quoting Lauren5280:

It sounds like the two of you need to work on your communication skills.  You say you're hoping he'll see what you need and just offer to do it.  This is not going to work!  A gentle reminder would have been the way to go when he mentioned going riding.  A compromise of a shorter ride in exchange for helping get the house decorated. 

If you don't communicate your needs then you can't be upset when he doesn't meet them. 

I'm sorry you're not feeling well.  Try to enjoy the decorating process.  It can be quite enjoyable.

 

busymominmo
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:37 PM

Sorry momma! My dh has been gone most of the day hunting! Most of the time I don't mind but today it would have been nice to do something as a family instead I'm sitting here all alone. Now I guess I'm pouting!

countrygirlkat
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:54 PM

 I have found that there are certain things that are more important to one spouse then another and it can be tough when you are the one who feels so strongly about them and the other just doesn't seem to care.  My DH isn't big on decorating for Christmas either.  For the first however many years of our marriage(especially after we had kids) this sort of thing was an arguement between us as well.  I felt decorating should be a big fun family event and he really hated to do it.  I felt he was ruining the memory of it all for our kids, etc.  I came to realize over time though that we didn't have to feel the same about everything.  To me decorating for Christmas is still so fun and to him it is a chore.  On his days off after working so hard all week I don't want him to have to feel like he has to do this major chore.  We worked out a compromise where he helps me bring in the bins and then the kids and I have a great time decorating while he watches football on a Sunday.  He is still able to see the joy on the kids' faces as the enjoy decorating, he is there if I really need help, we all get to be there as a family, and he isn't forced to do something that is simply a big chore to him but he gets to relax. 

xo.MommyW.xo
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:55 PM
Tell him to clean it,shit.
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ShannaBee
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:02 PM
He does this because you enable him to. He knows he can skimp out on plans because you won't speak up. I would tell him you would like time with him over his buddies. wife and kids come first.
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2rays0fsun
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:42 PM

IDK u told him "ok have fun" so I don't think u should turn around and be angry with him. If it wasn't ok for him to go, you could have said so ... in your place really I'd be annoyed too. But you have to let (small) stuff go. If I really liked to decorate & he stood me up so to speak, I would say heck with it, and go to work on the tree myself. Forget the deep clean lol he can do that if he's so worried bout it. Break out the cocoa, motrin for migraine, put on some holiday music even, just go for it

slm047
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:57 PM

You two are not communicating the best.. by not speaking up when he made other plans, you probably made him feel like that is okay. And as far as being tired or having a headache, you need to communicate that to him, along with your needs. Even though to us women it seems as if guys should automatically know certain things, they really are a lot more simple and won't think 2 shits about it.

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