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Sex Battle Creates a Block

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 4:22 PM
  • 6 Replies

Hello wives & mommies

Im in desperate need of sex advice because I have no clue how to deal with this. :(
Before I was pregnant, I had a high sex drive so I could keep up with my boyfriend. After I got pregnant, got married to him, and had my son my sex drive isnt what it was. SO now it seems like he ALWAYS wants it. And i feel bad so even if i dont want to i'll try to please him in some way but if i dont put my 100 into it he gets mad & tells me not to bother. It seems to happen all too often. Example is we will be intimate the night before, he'll wake up and want it again  when Im fine and dont need or want any. I feel our sexual differences put us in unnecessary argument which put us in an awkward space. I dont want it to get to a point were he tries to find it "somewhere else". What should I do?

simple frown

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 4:22 PM
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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 4:49 PM

What works for us during those times (like early morning) when he wants it and I don't is that he masturbates and I let him (sometimes grudgingly) squeeze on my ass or whatever...sometimes leads to something, most times not. Sometimes I let him finger me and end up getting turned on. Lol I guess you're just going to have to find what works for you, but it sounds like you still at least TRY to give him what he needs and he needs to TRY to understand that things change over time, and ESP once you've had kids, etc. GL girl!

by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 4:52 PM

He sounds like an inconsiderate A$$.  Have you talked to him about this?  If so, what did he say? 

Men and women's sexual differences is a matter of biology.  Women are meant to procreate 1x per year.  Men are designed to procreate a thousand times per day.  Therein lies the problem. 

My biggest issue with what you said is that you'll still try to "take care of his needs" and he's a jerk about it.  That's very wrong in my opinion.  If he tries to go and find it somewhere else then that's on him.  You shouldn't have to worry about such things. 

Married to my best friend and mom to 3 amazing girls, 22, 14 & 12

by Melissa on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:07 PM

Procreate 1x a year?!?!? (Ovulate 1x per month..if pregnancy=9 months leaving 3 months of fun time!!)  Wow..umm..**shakes head**  Anywhooooo...

Once you have kids, things do change.  There are things to factor in like your estrogen levels, thyroid levels..etc. Have your doctor runs some labs to make sure those are normal.   I was like that after our second child. It took some time..years.but now that I use DHEA supplements and now we are on the same page.. or I am jumping him! You could also talk to your doctor about using Yohimbe supplements. Both DHEA and Yohimbe are OTC. Just follow the directions exactly! 

Good Luck!!

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:24 PM

When he wants sex and I don't he'll give it up, haha, but I usually do. Anyway, I don't have any advice really, so...BUMP.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:38 PM

 There are many times in the long years of any relationship where sex drives don't match up.  Probably more often it is that the man wants it more then the woman but there are other times where it is the other way around.  The trick to a long and healthy relationship is to help each other through those times when it isn't matching until you get back to a time when it does match again because it will almost always get back to that on its own.  I would say that for this period of time the important thing for you to do is to look at what does work to turn you on right now and concentrate on that.  Many times after having a kid it can be harder to turn a woman on because things down there have changed shape and such.  Look at what does get you in the mood whether it is stuff he does or pampering yourself at a spa and with a nap or what.  Express to him that it is in no way a reflection on him what you are feeling and that these are the things that you think might help you feel in the mood a bit more.  Then talk to him about what would help him during this time so that he isn't feeling neglected.  It may be that all he needs is the reassurance that it isn't him and it will get better or it may be that there is something you could do while you are in the mood that would make the quality better for him so that the quantity isn't needed as much. 

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:47 PM

thank you guys, in response he feels im not attracted to him anymore which isn the case i try to tell him how good he looks or make a sexual gester but because i dont put out the say he thinks im not attracted but good point on focusing wat turns me on n getting my estrogen lvls checked. and yeah i does see asshole-sih of him but i understand were he is coming from

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