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stuck...need some advice on my marriage PLS

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:40 PM
  • 5 Replies

Hello,

a little background on me and my husband. we got together n nov. 09. got married june 2011. we both have been married befor and both ended in bad divorces. he has 2 sons and i have 2 sons. so all 6 of us live together. we both have full costody of our sons. i work as a caregiver for about 3 yrs now. my husband doesnt work. he applyed for ssi almost 2 yrs ago due to his epelepsy (sp) he has had it since he was 3. he has never had a job since iv known him. he says he use to work and go to school when he was married to his 1st wife. but due  his seizers and all the drama with the divorce he lost all that and had to be full time dad. his x wife just left them one day. (long story lol) and my last marriage ended just due to me not loving him anymore and him not doing anything at home. except work. really nothing i would have to ask or beg to get him to watch our boys or even take out the trash lol. so basically my new husband and i went threw bad marriages and we also learned from them. so since we both are married now we have much love and happyness together and we arent repeating some of our last misstakes with our xs. this marriage to both of us means the world and we both said we dont want to end it. its tell death do us part. ok so here goes my advice

how do we stop the little arguements. seems like we have had alot the last 3 wks. and im so tired of it i think we both are. now the one thing my husband and i are good at is. we talk everything out. so now this is why its good for us but yet bad lol. let me explain. we had a disagreement over his little guy. he is in kinder. well has hasent been doing anything in class and the teacher is annoyed lol. so we disagreed over how to help him. my husband is stern and a firm beliver in spaning. where as to iam mellow and not  to hard on displine. the means thing i do it take a toy away lol. sp we disagreded over that. well that night we talk and said our sorrys and we where happy again. well 2 days later we disagreed over chores i asked for help and my husband just did a few things but i did like 85% and he did 15% the next day. and that was another disagreement. and like always we patched things up. now im like that we talk but i feel all talked out. now dont get me wrong im not perfect and neither is he but im trying. i just want it to end no more disagreing over stupid stuff at least not for a while. its just been getting to me alot and starting to depress me. so any advice what can i do or what do u do i could try...im stumped  thank you all for your help i could use it

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:40 PM
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Replies (1-5):
MissMandaP
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 9:58 PM
what i do with my husband is if i start to get angry, i wait to talk to him about it so we aren't arguing and making a huge fight over something so dumb. I'll wait for a while, walk away, take a bath. Something to help me chill. Then we talk it through and not argue.
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ShannaBee
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:02 PM
First thing is to pick your battles. Learn to let some things go. Next, discuss child rearing such as discipline and activities and get on the same page. Create house rules every child is expected to respect and follow. Then sit down and create a monthly budget and delegate where money goes and what blls are due when.
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Lauren5280
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:06 PM

This is some very sound advice!  When expectations are laid out on the table then there's no room for disagreement :)  Well as long as both people are working on meeting the expectations. 

Quoting ShannaBee:

First thing is to pick your battles. Learn to let some things go. Next, discuss child rearing such as discipline and activities and get on the same page. Create house rules every child is expected to respect and follow. Then sit down and create a monthly budget and delegate where money goes and what blls are due when.


Married to my best friend and mom to 3 amazing girls, 22, 14 & 12


quartzhillmommi
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2011 at 2:14 PM

thanks for your advice ladys. today is a good day so far us no arguments yets lol. so wish me luck haha. well we are off to go have breakfast then pick up my 2 sons from there dad. hope u all have a nice day too


Krysden
by Platinum Member on Dec. 4, 2011 at 3:14 PM

I agree with the "pick your battles" advice and setting clear rules/boundries.   Also, I think when it comes to things like discipline, it's important to remember that different kids respond to different things but they all have a currency.  If you can find what currency works for each individual child (reading time, toys, computer time) it's easier to make things work in a positive way. 

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