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this past year, and beating myself up (kinda long)

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:43 PM
  • 9 Replies
about a year ago my husband and i started having problems in our marriage. we fought all the time and it just got really bad. well january 21st i kicked him out of our apartment because our fight actually got physical. that night i called my mom at about 11:00 and she came and picked up my son and i. the next day i had a dr's app and couldnt take me son to it so my father in law watched him for me. while i was there i decided that i wanted to go back home and make my husband leave. that caused another argument, but its easier to pack for one person who didnt have much here anyway than it is to pack for two (when we moved into our one bed one bath i was basically the one that furnished it). a few days later i started talking with a neigbor and we were flirting back and forth. he was being really nice and making me feel better about things. a few days later my husband and his dad came over and so did my mom. i wanted to talk to eric (husband) alone for a few minutes but that didnt work, his dad came out and just made things worse. eric started to walk away and i yelled at him, "i want a fucking divorce" and he said he did too. the next week i was supposed to go get the papers filled to file... something happend to where i wasnt able to. it just kept getting postponed over and over. in febuary i started sleeping with the neighbor, that only lasted not even a month. then around june sometime i called eric regarding our son, and we decided that we wanted to talk without anyone else there, and we did. during that time we did really good and i told him that i missed him and he told me that he missed me too and towards the end of the night i told him about febuary, cuz i wanted to be honest with him if we were gonna try and start over, he was quiet for a long time, and the silence was killing me. finally he asked how many times it happened, i told him 3 times which is true. then he asked if we used protection which we did. and he got quiet again.... about ten minutes later he said.... (cont in replies)
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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:43 PM
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Replies (1-9):
tiger_tatted1
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:47 PM
??lol
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momma4AJ
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:52 PM
CONTINUED..... ok. i'm proud that you were honest with me about that, and because of that i wont bring it up again. and he has kept his word about that. we both were seeing therapists, he for anger managment and me for comunication. well on august 28 th we celebrated 2 years of marriage, and i couldnt be happier. i just cant seem to stop kicking myself for what i did in febuary. please dont bash me for getting back with eric, just please try and help me...
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momma4AJ
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 12:01 AM
i just need some advise... please...
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Cresha63
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 12:04 AM
It sounds like he has forgiven you but you haven't forgiven yourself for what happened. I have been in your shoes b4, it feels horrible! Once you forgive yourself, you will be even happier than you are now. But if u can't/won't forgive yourself, then things can get ugly real fast bc it will become a wedge between u and ur DH. Idk if your religious or not, but prayer helped me tremendously! I'm curious though, if ur hubby hasn't brought it up why are u holding on to it? Is there something that happened that u didn't tell him about and are feeling guilty about it? I don't mean to be rude and I'm not trying to accuse u of anything either. Hope things get better for u! (((Hugs)))
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momma4AJ
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 12:09 AM
i'm not tradtionally religious. i just wish i could let go and forgive myself for it, but i just dont know how...
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mrsdukes2008
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 12:40 AM

 It takes a while to begin to forgive yourself for it...Ive been there and its not fun. Just start to believe again in your relationship, the fact that hes still there shows that he loves you and forgives you. My husband and I have been married for 3 years, but together 11 in January, and it was a very difficult and crazy 11 years, but we're happier now than we ever have been.

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MOM3026
by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 9:27 AM

Just know that you made a mistake. Just remember that during that time, you guys were having problems. No not excusable but it allows you to forgive yourself. He forgave you for it, he understood and understands it was during a time that both of you weren't technically together. You both planning on divorce. The upside is that you both forgave each other for the mistakes that have happened. That is a great thing. A way that may help, think positive. Think that he forgave you, you both have moved forward in the relationship, and both have decided that you were going to make this work. Just keep reminding yourself of these things and maybe it will get easier.

jazmya_mom
by on Dec. 8, 2011 at 9:55 AM
If he has the ability to forgive you then you need to find the ability to forgive yourself.
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adavuruku
by on Dec. 14, 2011 at 6:47 AM
Just pray and ask God for help
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