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How do you get it back? (Sorry, pretty long)

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Ok, I'm new & this is my first post, but I'm really needing some advice.  When my husband & I were together (before marriage & kids), I loved sex, felt comfy in my own body, found time for myself, loved dressing up & feeling sexy.  Now, I have 2 kids full-time plus a step-daughter, oh, probably 80% of the time.  Everybody is very young - 15 months, 5, and 9.  After our first was born, I went back to work.  After the second, I quit my job since childcare was so expensive.  I adore my kids, don't get me wrong, and I love being "Mama".  But I have found that I have become a hermit that is growing resentful & feeling she has sacrificed her entire life & personality to become caretaker to her family.

The biggest problem I'm having is that my husband loves sex - & wants it all the time.  He wants the girl he fell in love with - the one that had lots of sexy lingerie, super high-heels, nice clothes/hair/make-up, toys, & liked to "play".  I want that girl, too.  However, I have no idea where she is under all the cookie smush, kid snot, pony-tail/baseball hat, exhaustion, shredded get the picture.

So, how do you get that back?  I used to be really open & relaxed & had fun.  Lately, I've found myself to be depressed & too serious & really uncomfortable with my body & sexuality.  Yes, I have talked to my doctor & am taking anti-depressants (low dosage).  Yes, I understand that anti-depressants can effect libido.  But this seems to be a psychological issue, and I don't have the funds to see a therapist at the moment.

My husband tells me over & over that he loves me & doesn't want anybody else, but I have this deep-seated fear that he's going to decide he needs that other girl I used to be & will leave, or worse supplement, if you get my drift.

I don't like the person I am now.  I love my kids.  I like being a mom.  But I don't like this person I have become in the past few months, and I don't know how to get back to who I was.  How do you do it?  How do you reconcile that "Madonna/Whore" thing?  I feel like I've sucked up my mom's "your a mother, you can't have fun & be wild & crazy anymore" philosophy.

How do we balance all this?  How do I balance "Playful Adult" with "Responsible Mommy"?  Any advice?


by on Dec. 22, 2011 at 12:08 AM
Replies (21-22):
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2012 at 4:17 PM

from your default pic I can say you ARE sexxy mama, I know its hard to feel it... trust me I totally understand... but You are really beautiful... hang in there... and follow what PPs said...

by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 5:13 PM
I didnt read through the replies..but it sounds pretty normal for what all you are dealing with.
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