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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How do you think society views marriage today verse 20 years ago?

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2012 at 4:20 PM
  • 5 Replies

I am new here, and I am wondering especially for those who have been married over 10 years how do you feel society looks at marriage. My husband and I have been married over 20 years, we have 5 kids (3 adopted, 2 natural). When we got married we were seen as one person in most areas. We could both call on the utilities, I could use a card with his name on it as long as our last names matched (but so could teens, my parents gave my younger brother their credit card when he went to LA with school for things he needed). I grew up basic middle class, do did Dh. Yesterday I was at the store and had the debit card with his name on it, it was declined. My husband works over 80 hours a week on the low end, its been like this forever. I was just told by my bank that I cannot call on his debit card, and they view us as seperate completely. I was always taught that when you are married you are equal in everything. Everything is ours, and I know today the country views this differently. I just dont understand why? I asked if I could have my husband who asked me to call in the first place call and say they could talk to me and the guy told me no. That we were seperate. Now back in 1994 when we decided to add a savings account onto our checking I went into the bank, and filled out the paperwork, they put Dhs SS# down because it was the one on our checking, and nobody said anything. I signed my name on the paper and it was done. I know there is alot of idenitiy fruad out there, but I was just calling to see why the card didnt work, and was told they cant even tell me if when Dh goes to buy dinner tonight if it will work. A simple yes it will work, or no that card has been blocked.

Then I was also told basically that if Dh was to get robbed and was unconcious I couldnt cancel his card even then.

So my question is what is marriage to you when it comes to being equal. My feeling is my husband and I share a bank account, therefore I should be able to get any information about it at any time. If a couple doesnt like that they seperate banks accounts make sense.

by on Feb. 6, 2012 at 4:20 PM
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Replies (1-5):
BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2012 at 4:47 PM

I agree....nothing pisses me off more than "confidentiality" when it comes to DH.  He doesn't care if I know and I don't care if he knows not just financial but everything about each other so why should some stranger tell me that I can't know my husband's business.  I'm sorry the bank was difficult with you.....that would have been enough to make me cancel my account there.

Playitagain
by on Feb. 6, 2012 at 4:53 PM


Quoting BonitaM:

I agree....nothing pisses me off more than "confidentiality" when it comes to DH.  He doesn't care if I know and I don't care if he knows not just financial but everything about each other so why should some stranger tell me that I can't know my husband's business.  I'm sorry the bank was difficult with you.....that would have been enough to make me cancel my account there.


I hate the confidentiality idea, so does my husband. You should've heard him when I called him to let him know I couldn't find out anything about his card. I remember being in labor with our youngest a couple years ago and the Resident Doctor asked my husband to leave the room so she could ask me some personal questions, I told him to stay, and she acted like I was crazy. I told her if there is something he doesnt know then I would be shocked. She asked me things like my blood type, the last time I gave birth, the last time I had sex, if I was on any medications, things my husband easily could have answered for me.

BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2012 at 5:04 PM


Quoting Playitagain:


Quoting BonitaM:

I agree....nothing pisses me off more than "confidentiality" when it comes to DH.  He doesn't care if I know and I don't care if he knows not just financial but everything about each other so why should some stranger tell me that I can't know my husband's business.  I'm sorry the bank was difficult with you.....that would have been enough to make me cancel my account there.


I hate the confidentiality idea, so does my husband. You should've heard him when I called him to let him know I couldn't find out anything about his card. I remember being in labor with our youngest a couple years ago and the Resident Doctor asked my husband to leave the room so she could ask me some personal questions, I told him to stay, and she acted like I was crazy. I told her if there is something he doesnt know then I would be shocked. She asked me things like my blood type, the last time I gave birth, the last time I had sex, if I was on any medications, things my husband easily could have answered for me.

That's just ridiculous.  I believe once your married privacy is void. 

Dee24997
by Bronze Member on Feb. 6, 2012 at 6:12 PM
This has happened to me too with a joint acct because I used his banking card and not mine. Woopity damn do! It was a joint acct and I still got grief about it. I was fuming. So I totally understand and agree with you. Marriage means a little bit of nothing to those people in todays society.
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brkr082005
by on Feb. 6, 2012 at 7:18 PM
Would your frustration also be on the HIPPA medical law? Where if you called to get info about or for your spouse, it would be denied? I work in the medical field and always tell married couples to be sure to add their spouses name so we have the ok to disclose info. =)
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