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He is "burnt out" HELP

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:03 AM
  • 11 Replies

SO and I have been together for 4 years and our expecting a baby girl in May. I have a son already from a previous relationship. Well lately things have been rocky. I have tried talking to him and he just says he is tired or he ignores me. I have spiced up our sex life and we have been having sex more. After we were intimate last night, I told him I loved him and tried to cuddle. He turns away from me and then goes on about how he feels burnt out, from everything. I told him okay if he feels that way then maybe we should really have a talk about our relationship.

This morning I just felt so depressed about it. As he was getting ready for work I felt like I was just living in hell. Going through the motions of the morning. Getting him his lunch trying to act like we are fine. But I can't do it! I can not pretend like we are going to be okay and we will live happily ever after. We recently moved in together I should add, and since then it seems he is more distnant. I just don't know what to do. I suggest therapy, or working on our problems but then he says it shouldnt be considered work. I am lost I need advice. I really love him and I want us to raise our children together. Anyone?

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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
heartnhidin
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:53 AM

bump

OliviaW.
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:56 AM
Moving in with someone is a big deal. Most people take some time to adjust to that cause they're so use to coming and going as they please plus having alone time. Maybe try to give him a little space.
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fgeith05
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this
Every relationship needs worked on from time to time. Its not going to be good all the time. I have been married for 6 years and been with him for 10 years. We have gone thru our rough patches but we have talked thru it. U need to communicate in order to figure out what it is u want. Good luck!
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KLPeters
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:47 AM
3 moms liked this

He may be feeling overwhelmed by all the changes going on in the relationship. Instead of just having to worry about himself, he now has a family to care for, a big responsibility for anyone to take on. 

Is he worried about the finances? Is he feeling trapped or tied down? Is there something going on at work or with his friends or family that's bumming him out? How can you know unless he tells you! It's not all about being strong and silent, "bearing the burden", it's about being each others' friend and confidante. It's a mutual exchange of give and take.

I know it's hard getting a man to talk about his "feelings" because so many of them see this as a weakness on their part, but he needs to understand that what he thinks and feels effects you as much as it does him. You guys are in this together, and you need to be able to come to one another when something is wrong.

heartnhidin
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:52 PM

Thank you, what you said is really helpful. I think he is in "shock" sort of speak. Yes, he has told me he is scared and I have tried to talk about it. He just isn't telling me what he is scared of. I know he stresses about finances a lot I can tell.

Quoting KLPeters:

He may be feeling overwhelmed by all the changes going on in the relationship. Instead of just having to worry about himself, he now has a family to care for, a big responsibility for anyone to take on. 

Is he worried about the finances? Is he feeling trapped or tied down? Is there something going on at work or with his friends or family that's bumming him out? How can you know unless he tells you! It's not all about being strong and silent, "bearing the burden", it's about being each others' friend and confidante. It's a mutual exchange of give and take.

I know it's hard getting a man to talk about his "feelings" because so many of them see this as a weakness on their part, but he needs to understand that what he thinks and feels effects you as much as it does him. You guys are in this together, and you need to be able to come to one another when something is wrong.


big_sexy_girl
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:43 AM
1 mom liked this

I got married about a year ago and have a daughter from a previous relationship.  I can tell you from my experience, that it is a HUGE adjustment for a man to move in with a woman...a woman with a child...we've had some really tough times adjusting, but we had to learn to come to each other and talk openly and sometimes we just need to leave each other alone for a bit.  I would just make it known to him that if he needs to talk, that you want to listen, but don't badger him about it.

allornone
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:49 AM
1 mom liked this
He may fear being a dad and failing the baby or you. My dh feared our dd would not like or love him. It was really rough for us. After she was born he said he never knew what love was.

It's something new and its a change.. Best of luck
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RyansMommie07
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 7:55 AM

theres alot of changes going on right now, and its ok for him to be scared. you guys just moved in together, he gained a family and your expecting soon which is always a scary thing, with all the changes that come along. do you have any friends you can talk to, or does he? sometimes a little vent session with a 3rd party helps, and you will see that everyone goes through this. good luck momma!

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Ryan and Troy are hoping for a sister!  Think Pink!!! 

chelsieb84
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 8:32 AM

Couldn't of said it better myself.  

Quoting KLPeters:

He may be feeling overwhelmed by all the changes going on in the relationship. Instead of just having to worry about himself, he now has a family to care for, a big responsibility for anyone to take on. 

Is he worried about the finances? Is he feeling trapped or tied down? Is there something going on at work or with his friends or family that's bumming him out? How can you know unless he tells you! It's not all about being strong and silent, "bearing the burden", it's about being each others' friend and confidante. It's a mutual exchange of give and take.

I know it's hard getting a man to talk about his "feelings" because so many of them see this as a weakness on their part, but he needs to understand that what he thinks and feels effects you as much as it does him. You guys are in this together, and you need to be able to come to one another when something is wrong.


heartnhidin
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 9:07 AM

I am only 22 so a lot of our friends are off in college and doing "young" people things sort of speak.

Quoting RyansMommie07:

theres alot of changes going on right now, and its ok for him to be scared. you guys just moved in together, he gained a family and your expecting soon which is always a scary thing, with all the changes that come along. do you have any friends you can talk to, or does he? sometimes a little vent session with a 3rd party helps, and you will see that everyone goes through this. good luck momma!


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