Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

unloved and unappreciated?

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 4:21 AM
  • 22 Replies
Has anyone felt this way? My hubs is out of work right now so 6 weeks after having our son I had to go back to work esp since I have a really good job and we needed the money. Although it was hard that isn't the issue, the issue is I feel like he doesn't appreciate the sacrifice I made. I worked 2 jobs while pregnant to support him through school and when he doesn't find a job after go back to work 6 weeks early and he can't do simple things like help me out here and there and start my car (while he is already outside starting his own car). Has this happened to anyone else? If so what do you do????
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 4:21 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
SavedraC
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 4:36 AM
I have been in a similar situation. I went back to work immediately after having my second and my ex would still gamble 4k+ a mo. He did work though, he just lost it all at the casino. I'm sorry you're going through this. It makes it even harder when you have all the emotions from having the baby. Hope things get better, soon!
SavedraC
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 4:37 AM
Oh and the only thing that I could do was tell him how I felt and hoped that he would make an effort to change...
98765
by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 6:06 AM
2 moms liked this

Pretty sure you are NOT unloved and unappreciated.

My DH lost his job when I was 7 months pg with our second DD. I was about to go out on "maternity leave"  but I only worked PT anyway. I went bak to work PT when she was 3 months--as planned--but he was still out of work. A month later a FT position opened and I took it because he was still out of work.

My parents kind of counseled us through the whole thing because they have been through it a few times, unfortunately. And the very first night my mom explained to me that this is the worst thing and biggest blow to his ego he will ever have to face. Be patient with him,  let him do what he needs to, and be supportive. 

He finally found work after 7 months. In that time I bit my tounge several times but also enjoyed his time home. I did speak up a few times when I felt he was getting lazy looking for work or when he didn't want to finish his MBA which he was in the middle of. (he has since completed it) but basically I was supportive and understanding.

This is what I am telling you. Stop thinking about yourself an start thinking about him. ry to understand from a males point of view how he must be feeling. It's not good. Hang in there. Be grateful that he is the one watching your baby and not daycare or something. Ask just a ew simple things around the house daily. Dont give him a list of things you would do. They cant do all that on a good day! Things will change. But the more supportive you can be the better off you will both be.

Monsita
by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 6:28 AM
I know the feeling...... it is not easy to having to STILL LOVE HIM and think about all the things he could be doing much better...... HOWEVER, this is when though we are not happy about the way they are acting WE NEED TO BE CARING AND NOT HURT THEIR EGO IN THE PROCESS! good luck!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jenn75
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 7:24 AM
I don't understand how you are unloved or unappreciated.
You went to work 6weeks after you had your baby, so do lots of moms. You just were the only one working.
Did you ask him to start the car for you and he refused?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MerinD
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:00 AM
I worked 50-60 hours a week during my pregnancy to save money for 12 weeks of maternity. My husband lost his job a month and a half before I had the baby and decided that he didn't want to find another job until the baby comes. I explained to him that we needed the income but because we had savings he took the time over even though that savings was for my maternity leave (my work does not pay for maternity leave so I had to save). All of my savings went to his time off so even though I was the pregnant one and had the baby he has been off this whole time, and has not made much of an effort to find a job until recently which is 4 months later. And he went and started his car and I did ask him and he sat down and then rolled his eyes and went. It is like that with about so many things. I didn't get my maternity....fine.....but it wouldn't kill him to help me out then.


Quoting jenn75:

I don't understand how you are unloved or unappreciated.
You went to work 6weeks after you had your baby, so do lots of moms. You just were the only one working.
Did you ask him to start the car for you and he refused?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
simplyraising8
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:26 AM
2 moms liked this

3 things come to my mind when reading this:

1) If he is not out looking for a job maybe he is a deadbeat bum that wants the woman to work while he sits home and makes no effort to better him self. (I am not sure this one would be right since he made the effort to go to school. College does take effort)

2)Gary Chapman writes many relationship books and in them he speaks a lot about the Love languages.  

  • Words of affirmation
  • Gifts 
  • Acts of service
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch

Anyways in that book it says that we all have a different language we show love in and feel love in. Maybe yours is acts of service and when he does not do this you feel unloved?  

3) Most real men want to be able to take care of their family. When my husband came back from Iraq with an injury and was medically separated from the military he was devastated to not be able to work and provide for us. This takes a toll on a mans self esteem having to depend on his wife to provide when he is unable. I do not even work to provide for us he is still receiving money from his military career and yet he still wishes he could be working to care for us.



That's my opinion and thoughts on it. Maybe rolling his eyes was because he forgot and had to get back up again? I agree with whoever said talk to him and let him know how you feel. (Nicely)



xo.MommyW.xo
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:27 AM
He would be picking his shit off the lawn
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
simplyraising8
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:34 AM


Quoting xo.MommyW.xo:

He would be picking his shit off the lawn

If it is the number 1 in my post and he is just a deadbeat then I am all for this one!

dingysfamily
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:54 AM

Yeah, I sorta felt that way in my first marriage ... although he did work and I did get to stay home when we had our son. He just wasn't very helpful around the house for the most part, but he did enjoy spending time with our son & helping with him some.  As for appreciating me, not so much and letting me know he loved me ... again, not so much. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)