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I just can't get over it...i wish I could

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 7:54 PM
  • 12 Replies

I can't get past what my husband's parents were saying about me before we got married in attempt to stop him from marrying me.

He is Asian Indian and as you probably know, Asian parents want their children to marry within their race and culture. Well, my husband decided to do what HE wanted and he married me. I love that man!!!! I am blessed!!

So anyhow, the issue is, I can't get over the things his parents used to say about me. They DID NOT want him to marry me because I am white, overweight and whatever other reasons.

They made several comments like: why do you want to be with someone so fat and that I just want to use him for a human ATM machine. These two stick out in my head because they are the most hurtful. There were many other comments. My husband forwarded me the email they sent to him and it had all these comments in it. I knew they were trying to stop us from marrying and I begged him to show me the email because I wanted to see for myself what they were saying..I guess I wanted to torture myself..

I just cannot look at them and "like" them because of the things they said.  I do respect them because I am not the kind of person to be rude or dispectful, but it is only for my husband. When I think of them, it makes me sick to know that they look at me as fat and basically, a user. They act nice to my face but I know they still talk about me in their language and when I'm not around.

First time mom of a beautiful new baby girl !big smile mini

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 7:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ShannonRoe
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:02 PM
Inlaws suck most of the time, I got lucky and my fil is awesome. But my sil or ex sil ? Not sure which. Lol she's a total bitch,its gotten so bad that my dh told her that she's not welcome at our house
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tth328
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:08 PM
I'm Asian and I know exactly how you feel. My parents said a lot of shit about my husband to stop us from getting married and they still say a lot of crap to this day. It's just that their standards for who they want their kids to marry are so high its actually really unreasonable and stupid. I know it hurts a lot but honestly, you kind of just gotta suck it up. Try not to hang around them so often if you can. My husband know exactly how much my family hates him but he doesn't let it bother him cause he said he married.me, not my family. He is never disrespectful though and he does it for me. Be the better person and don't stoop to their level. Feel better!
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ShannonRoe
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:11 PM
Oh it finally took me standing up for myself and telling her to go to hell for her to leave me alone. She tried calling me a few weeks ago and I ignored her and I think she figured I wasn't messing with her

Quoting ShannonRoe:

Inlaws suck most of the time, I got lucky and my fil is awesome. But my sil or ex sil ? Not sure which. Lol she's a total bitch,its gotten so bad that my dh told her that she's not welcome at our house
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CJF0207
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:03 PM

I TOTALLY understand, I was 16 when my DH and I first started dating he was 19 and in the military. Before they had even met me my DH was home on leave and went over to his fathers house to tell them (father and stepmother) that he wanted them to meet me and all his dad had to say was "Son are you having sex with her cause if you are be careful, she's probably just a 16 year old whore looking to get pregnant so she can get at your military money." It's been almost 3 years now and I'm still uncomfortable around them. The rest of his family I absolutely love and they love me but I wont go see his dad and stepmom unless he is with me, and even then I'm only comfortable with like an hour at a time

mommiecassie
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:06 PM

That's pretty stinky of them to talk about you like that.  I think you're doing the right thing though...kill them with kindness, and prove to them that you love their son.  Good luck, mama! 

BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:11 PM

It took my MIL 9 years of DH and I being married to accept me.  They used to say that I wanted a greencard, I was after his money, I wasn't dark enough (MIL wanted a black grandchild....we weren't even thinking kids back then), threatening to call the cops on me for trespassing (when DH lived with his parents) she was setting him up with other girls after we got married....all sorts of things.  Now she calls me all the time, tells me she loves, me, sends us money and gifts, emails us, etc.  We're not besties by any means and I still have my guard up but I think she's finally accepted me now.  I try not to think about the horrible things she's done to me before because we've cut a clean slate.  I've been talked about and picked on my whole life so I just let it roll off of my back and not let it get to me.  I would confront them with your DH by your side and wipe the slate clean....start anew.

Due9
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:54 PM

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this in the past. It's good that things have gotten better and your MIL seems to really want to show you that she accepts you. I wo't confront them only because they are really kind of, well, weird about talking about things. They are super conservative. I hate that you said that you were always picked on growing up. I hate hearing those stories because I was always a sad child and I know how painful it is to feel lonely, sad, left out. I still feel like that sometimes these days and I'm 31 ! Do you still feel like you're being picked on by others ?

Quoting BonitaM:

It took my MIL 9 years of DH and I being married to accept me.  They used to say that I wanted a greencard, I was after his money, I wasn't dark enough (MIL wanted a black grandchild....we weren't even thinking kids back then), threatening to call the cops on me for trespassing (when DH lived with his parents) she was setting him up with other girls after we got married....all sorts of things.  Now she calls me all the time, tells me she loves, me, sends us money and gifts, emails us, etc.  We're not besties by any means and I still have my guard up but I think she's finally accepted me now.  I try not to think about the horrible things she's done to me before because we've cut a clean slate.  I've been talked about and picked on my whole life so I just let it roll off of my back and not let it get to me.  I would confront them with your DH by your side and wipe the slate clean....start anew.


First time mom of a beautiful new baby girl !big smile mini

BonitaM
by Ruby Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:08 PM

Thank you.  Yeah, it was hard dealing with her back then but I really blame DH for not standing up to me.  It made it so much harder because I had to do it all on my own.  He was too chicken to....but he does now.  I wasn't really a sad child growing up and only felt left out when my sisters wouldn't want to play with me.  We're all close now but even today they are much closer to eachother than they are with me.  I'm really sorry you had to go through that.  I've never felt lonely...I love being a loner.  I feel like my family and close friends pick on me....I know that they are joking but they also don't realize that sometimes it really hurts my feelings.  I feel judged by everyone and therefore never want to leave the house or let anyone too close to me. I'm very guarded because of that.  

Quoting Due9:

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this in the past. It's good that things have gotten better and your MIL seems to really want to show you that she accepts you. I wo't confront them only because they are really kind of, well, weird about talking about things. They are super conservative. I hate that you said that you were always picked on growing up. I hate hearing those stories because I was always a sad child and I know how painful it is to feel lonely, sad, left out. I still feel like that sometimes these days and I'm 31 ! Do you still feel like you're being picked on by others ?

Quoting BonitaM:

It took my MIL 9 years of DH and I being married to accept me.  They used to say that I wanted a greencard, I was after his money, I wasn't dark enough (MIL wanted a black grandchild....we weren't even thinking kids back then), threatening to call the cops on me for trespassing (when DH lived with his parents) she was setting him up with other girls after we got married....all sorts of things.  Now she calls me all the time, tells me she loves, me, sends us money and gifts, emails us, etc.  We're not besties by any means and I still have my guard up but I think she's finally accepted me now.  I try not to think about the horrible things she's done to me before because we've cut a clean slate.  I've been talked about and picked on my whole life so I just let it roll off of my back and not let it get to me.  I would confront them with your DH by your side and wipe the slate clean....start anew.



GotSomeKids
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:12 PM

Instead of wallowing in the negativity of your in-laws (trust me, I know easier said than done), celebrate that your husband loves you and your baby girl.

kissing dad

Due9
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:14 PM

Yes and this is the only thing that matters. Today is struck me harder than most days

Quoting GotSomeKids:

Instead of wallowing in the negativity of your in-laws (trust me, I know easier said than done), celebrate that your husband loves you and your baby girl.

kissing dad


First time mom of a beautiful new baby girl !big smile mini

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