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Are married women really not supposed to do this? Edit in Purple

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 I was talking with a few friends of mine about being married. All three of us have been married for a few years now. K has been having issues with her husband and is thinking about leaving. So we asked her what the problem is. She said he wants her to do things sexually that she doesn't think a wife should do. We asked what he wanted and she said things like oral sex, and sexy lingerie. Didn't seem to big of a deal to me. So it got me wondering why would she think this?
What do you ladies think is appropriate for a man and wife to do? Are there certain sexual acts a wife shouldn't do? Why?

Wow! I log off for one night and came back to a million responses! :) I'm going through them now but wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded! I'll try to respond to as many as I can...

by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 10:19 PM
Replies (711-720):
by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 8:40 AM

I don't think my husband and I would have stayed together as long as we have if we didn't try new things. We have been married for almost 2 years but together for 11, so we know where each others boundaries are. But if a wife shouldn't give oral or wear lingerie, then I am not a very good wife. Sounds like they need to be more open with eachother about their sex life (with eachother). I agree that no one should be pressured into something that they are uncomfortable with. No one needs to know what goes on behind closed doors. I think she is being crazy. You can't say you don't like something if you have never tried it. IDK. Maybe I am wrong but I thought that a husband and wife should enjoy having sex with eachother.

by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 9:13 AM
Congrats cause you could ask a question that is answered approxiamately 1000 times;))) It can be said to be the core issue of a happy and healthy marriage. And 100% aggree with you. There are no limits that a woman should obey just because she is married. Everything is possible as far as the couple willingly and comfortably does and as long as neither is forced to do. This kind of staff can make sex life more colorful, and intimate. But when your hubby wants sth. that you don't, trying to find it swhere else cannot be accepted. He should adopt a more patient and sincere approach instead. If he can't persuade you, he should forget about it and think that it isn't as important as his marriage-isn't worth cheating or ending the marriage. Is it??;))
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by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 9:18 AM
I would do anything with my husband sexually if he wanted me too. I trust him and want to please him:)
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by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 9:25 AM

Nothing wrong with spicing up the bedroom. Perhaps if she played a bit she wouldn't want to leave.

by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 9:28 AM

I am so glad you said this! I'm a seminary grad as well, and it almost makes me sad when people are convinced that enjoying sex must equal sin. Song of Solomon - perfect reference. 

Quoting libbynole89:

This is a really great discussion.  I've read almost all the comments and I am going to take a stab at the answers to the main questions I am hearing.  First question was "why would she think this?"  Some of what we think about sex comes just from Church tradition and not from Scripture.  Now, I am a Christian, and am a Seminary graduate, who acutally took a course on Sex Ethics.  So I have read and studied carefully what the Christian Bible has to say about the topic.  My belief is that God made each of us and gave us bodies which would enjoy sex.  The Bible does not say sex in marriage is only for having babies.  The Bible does not prohibit married men and women from enjoying sex.  Go read the Song of Solomon.  That should get anyone in the mood.  So, my answer to why someone would be unsure if oral or lingerie was ok, is because of what her culture has had to say about it.  God also said to not stay out of the bedroom too long, because either spouse might become tempted to wander.  My guidline is Scripture, and this is where we get the ever true piece about no sex outside of marriage.  Between a man and a woman.  God meant for sex to be fun.  A guy named Saint Augustine was a man who, many centuries ago said sex was only for having kids.  People listened to Augustine, and back then they were not reading the Bible, only listening to priests teach them.  Priests were told they could not marry, so they began having inappropriate relationships.  It gets messed up when we forget to read what the Author and Creator has said about what He created. 

Lisa Joanne

"'Sometimes,' said Pooh, 'the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.'" ~ A. A. Milne

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by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 9:42 AM
Your friend sounds like a prude. I thought you were gonna say her husband wanted a threesome. O_o She should be thankful he shows interest in her!
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by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 12:27 PM
Absolutely right!

Quoting 0Kit0:

I agree with you but I think that is something people need to discuss or have some sort of idea about BEFORE they get married. I'm not saying it's a deal breaker, but you know you go into it without some HUGE surprise. One person thinking the sky is the limit and the other thinking they only do what they want, when they want and the other person just has to deal with it.

Sex used to be something you saved until marriage, that would likely make this entire conversation before marriage difficult. But at this day and age where everyone is getting the business before they get down to business, it is almost a gift because it opens the door to communication to see how you can work out the rest of your sexual lives together. It just amazes me how many people don't take advantage of that.

Quoting misslady80013:

Not at all! You should be as open as you feel comfortable with your DH. If she doesn't feel comfortable then that is different. I don't feel there is anything a wife is only suppose to do in the bedroom. Also, if she isn't open to trying new things, he may go else where looking for them. Just something for her to keep in mind.

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by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 12:59 PM
1 mom liked this

In a marriage or any sexual relationship for that matter the partners need to be attuned to eachother and not push one to do what they don't wish  to do.If it's just an issue of being scared of trying something new the experienced partner needs to help the other one get over their fear and take things slowly.Each couple is different and will figure out what works for them.

by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 1:44 PM

do whatever sees comfortable with, as long as it's not breaking marital boundaries. if you want to try sexy stuff then go for it, if she wants to try something kinky, different, etc. Plus, in a marraige you got to spice things up a little just to keep things new... but her hubby should NOT be threatening to leave over that.

by on Mar. 28, 2012 at 2:17 PM

 Maybe they need some marriage counseling to get on the same page...  I don't think not wanting to give oral sex is a reason to leave your husband. You can't tell me they never discusses any of their likes/dislikes in bed before marriage? Or maybe they didn't have sex until marriage, but either way... get on the same page. There are many compromises don't you think? And if she's wanting to leave, my guess is there is more to it than the sex.  Just my two cents. ;)

OH.. just saw that HE wants to leave HER over this... Ok, sorry, then that changes things a bit doesn't it. But again... did he not know that she wasn't going to want to do those things with him pre-married life?? I still say they seriously need to talk and get on the same page. That is a cowardly move to just say I'm going to leave if you don't do AB or C in bed.... Jerk move on anyones part IMO!

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