Before I took my Ss's to karate last night I asked Dh to watch the potatoes so the water didn't boil over. I come home and they're off the burner and I asked if he checked them or Sd, he said Sd did. I got irritated because I asked him to do it, not to be a bitch but cause he's been on his computer constantly and I just wanted him to do Something.
I leave him alone for a while and ask him later what's going on. He says he's tired of my shit and I'm always mad when I come home. For a while I was, his 3 kids moved in with us full time and I was trying to adjust and it seemed like every time I left and came back the house was a war zone, but I've been working on it. I told him it wasn't about Sd it was more that I asked him to do something to get off the computer for just a Few Minutes and he wouldn't. He told me even though I'm his wife I needed to mind my own business and stay out of his. That pretty much ended the conversation cause it hurt my feelings and we haven't talked since.
Any advice ladies? We've had a hell of a couple months, and I've tried to be supportive but I can only take so much.
Quoting i.heart.myboys:
I think he's having a hard time adjusting as well. I think you both need to talk it over with adults and perhaps come up with some routine!
That's a tough one. Honestly, my first thought when reading it was that you are treating him like one of the kids. ( I understand that it's hard not to when you feel like he's acting like one) Mainly it was this part that made me feel that way: "it was more that I asked him to do something to get off the computer for just a Few Minutes and he wouldn't" Don't get me wrong, on one hand I can totally see being annoyed about the computer all the time. But at the same time, he is an adult. If I had to guess, I'd say what he heard when you asked him to do that one thing was "it's important for the potatoes not to boil over" He might not have picked up on the fact that it was important to you that HE be the one to do it.
It sounds like the whole house is probably under quite a bit of stress at the moment. And he may also be just a little worried about his upcoming surgery. My only advice is what was already said... talk to him. Have a discussion like two adults. Let him know why you are concerned... what you worried about, what you are afraid of. Men can be clueless sometimes. Good Luck.
I love the man to death and I've probably done a little too much. I do the majority of cleaning, taking the kids places. A lot of stuff and I guess I'm also just needing to hear a thanks. Eh sounds like my own pity party. Thanks for the advice!
Quoting Krysden:That's a tough one. Honestly, my first thought when reading it was that you are treating him like one of the kids. ( I understand that it's hard not to when you feel like he's acting like one) Mainly it was this part that made me feel that way: "it was more that I asked him to do something to get off the computer for just a Few Minutes and he wouldn't" Don't get me wrong, on one hand I can totally see being annoyed about the computer all the time. But at the same time, he is an adult. If I had to guess, I'd say what he heard when you asked him to do that one thing was "it's important for the potatoes not to boil over" He might not have picked up on the fact that it was important to you that HE be the one to do it.
It sounds like the whole house is probably under quite a bit of stress at the moment. And he may also be just a little worried about his upcoming surgery. My only advice is what was already said... talk to him. Have a discussion like two adults. Let him know why you are concerned... what you worried about, what you are afraid of. Men can be clueless sometimes. Good Luck.
Quoting i.heart.myboys:
I think he's having a hard time adjusting as well. I think you both need to talk it over with adults and perhaps come up with some routine!
I really think he's a bit stressed and all trying to adjust. Still doesn't give him the right. But when comes men and emotion they handle things very differently.
I would be annoyed about the potatoes too - but it's one of the "choose your battles wisely" moments. I guess it's less about the potatoes as you feeling like you're doing most of the work for the household now. Including driving him, etc. And the potatoes was just another little example of that. At the same time he probably feels less of a man (or something along those lines) that he can't work any longer on top of anxiety about the surgery coming up. If he really is feeling lacking, being treated like a kid isn't going to help... I agree you two should talk about this. Maybe you can come up with set things he can do daily to help out?
I completely understant what you are saying about being on the computer. My SO does the same thing and when we argue he gives me the silent treatment and plays poker on facebook, It drives me nuts!! I can't stand that he does it but he says the reason why he does it is because it gets his mind off of what we are fighting about and it makes him less mad. I've learned to leave him alone when he is on it even though I can't stand it. But our fights don't last as long and he is better once he calms down. Its just his way of letting off steam instead of getting mad at me. But there are times where i can't let it go cause it does drive me insane that he does it. And then we do get into a huge fight over it. As far as helping with dinner my SO does help if I ask. And saying its none of your business what he is doing is rude and mean :( I don't know what I would do if my SO said something like that to me. But I know I wouldn't be happy about it either. I don't know what advice I can give you except ((hugs)) I am sorry you are going through that. I hate it when my SO and I fight. I've learned I need to disengage myself and not care what he does and just do what I need to. Do what makes me happy. And when I do that then I don't care as much that he is on the computer. But I totally understand where you are coming from :(
Leave the chaos of the house and go someplace quiet and talk. Full disclosure on both parts each telling the other you won't get upset about what's said because it sounds like you both have things to talk about. You both have to be heard. Stress with the kids and surgery can be hard. Be more specific about his help around the house. Wishing you the best.
If he does feel like he's lacking I just don't see how sitting around all day is going to help.
Quoting 2rays0fsun:I would be annoyed about the potatoes too - but it's one of the "choose your battles wisely" moments. I guess it's less about the potatoes as you feeling like you're doing most of the work for the household now. Including driving him, etc. And the potatoes was just another little example of that. At the same time he probably feels less of a man (or something along those lines) that he can't work any longer on top of anxiety about the surgery coming up. If he really is feeling lacking, being treated like a kid isn't going to help... I agree you two should talk about this. Maybe you can come up with set things he can do daily to help out?
You know , but does your partner?
- angelmommy2806
on Mar. 28, 2012 at 9:31 AM