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Is physical attraction important..?

Posted by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 5:35 AM
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My husband and i will be married for a year in july. We got married after 6 months of dating and 5 1/2 months after my 18th birthday... now sometimes i regret it. :(
I had always been pretty led towards the "bad boy" type that always got me physically but mike (hubby) was different, so i really wanted to give him a chance. From the beginning i thought he was cute, adorable, sweet. We waited for 3 months to have sex and then it happened....nothing...i felt no and STILL feel no physical attraction to him. I obviously cant tell him that so i keep trying but our sex life is definatly not what it should be. I guess i always knew that that physical connection wasnt there but he was good to me (which i had never had before) and we connected on a emotional level. I just miss that physical connection though :(
I don't know what to do, nothing seems to help and it doesnt help either that we havent been getting along at all for awhile now..

Do any of you think a physical attraction is important when choosing a mate, is it a deal breaker or could you live without it??!
Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated :)
by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 5:35 AM
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by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 5:54 AM
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I think it is absolutely important. I didn't have sex until after marriage (and I know that's a whole other topic), but I knew that I was physically attracted to my husband and that I wanted him physically. If that wasn't there, I would not have married him. Not because looks are everything or any other superficial reason (besides, what attracts one person may not attract another, it is always personal opinion). But the way I always saw it, my husband is the one and only person that I would ever be intimate with. The physical connection between husband/wife (or gf/bf) is unique to that relationship alone. If people were going around having sex within other relationships too, it would not be so important in a marriage. But because most relationships are exclusive/monogamous...I see no way around it.

That being said, I'm sure I could live without it, because I made a commitment to my husband and I vowed to stand by him. If he suffered a disability or illness that made a physical relationship impossible, I would not leave. But that is because I love him and want to be with no one else. Had there been no spark, I would not have married him initially; at that point, yes it would be a deal breaker for me.

No judgement from me on your situation. It must be extremely difficult, and I'm sorry you're going through it. I wish you only happiness as you decide on what you wish to do. My only advice would be to remain honest with your husband. Perhaps his reaction would surprise you, and things would pick up in that area?
by Ruby Member on Apr. 2, 2012 at 9:56 AM
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For me it's very important and it's a deal breaker.  That being said.....if DH ever were to get into an accident and be severely disfigured I would want him just the same. We've been together for 11 years now and I really don't think that there's anything in the world that could not make me want DH.  We've both changed physically but it doesn't bother me.....I want him just the same as I did the day I met him.

by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 10:00 AM
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Hmm. I think attraction can grow over time. There's something that attracted you to him...
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by Jenn! on Apr. 2, 2012 at 10:10 AM
I think it's important. Looks aren't everything but I think (for me anyways) it's important to keep looking decent. I have changed some since I have gotten married & so has dh but the attraction is still there. Well, at least I know it is for me anyways. I guess you might have to think about what attracted you to him & go from there! I think it also comes & goes for some couples for reasons other than physical. Good luck momma!
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by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 12:34 PM
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Thank you all for your replies and honesty :)
Im going to try and talk to dh tonight!
Wish me luck! :)
by Silver Member on Apr. 2, 2012 at 1:10 PM
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I believe physical attraction is important, but I don't believe it's everything.  I believe a person's personality can make the most beautiful person on the face the earth, the ugliest and vice versa.  When you look at your husband look for the good that is in him, the good moment, his good qualities, the cute things he does. 

by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 1:21 PM
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I know I'm a wierdo ( don't know many people who agree with me on this) but I don't actually get fully attracted to someone until I get to know them. They could be cute, but later prove they are self centered and that will make me completely unattracted to them. On the other hand I could find someone that I have no attraction to, but they are so nice, and make me laugh, and make me feel good about myself and suddenly the beauty of their soul shines through and I become VERY attracted to them. I'm a firm believer in beauty is only skin deep. Beauty fades but true love lasts forever :)

by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 1:28 PM
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for me looks were not important. it was the emotional level that attracted me...if they were there for me and listened to me and care and love me that is what attracts me and keeps me attracted. but when they start being jerks the attraction goes away and i find them ugly...its the prsonality for me i think.
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by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 1:31 PM
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 Yes, physical attraction is important, but you have to be compatible beyond that. 

For me, it's a person's personality that makes them more (or less) attractive to me.  The hottest guy in the world will be unattractive to me if he's a complete jerk, and a not so attractive guy will become so much more attractive if he has a stellar personality. 

by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 1:33 PM
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 It's important to me, but it's not everything. I like personality just as much and a great personality will make someone appear more attractive to me. A shitty personality can make the most gorgeous guy ugly in my eyes

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