Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is physical attraction important..?

Posted by   + Show Post
My husband and i will be married for a year in july. We got married after 6 months of dating and 5 1/2 months after my 18th birthday... now sometimes i regret it. :(
I had always been pretty led towards the "bad boy" type that always got me physically but mike (hubby) was different, so i really wanted to give him a chance. From the beginning i thought he was cute, adorable, sweet. We waited for 3 months to have sex and then it happened....nothing...i felt no and STILL feel no physical attraction to him. I obviously cant tell him that so i keep trying but our sex life is definatly not what it should be. I guess i always knew that that physical connection wasnt there but he was good to me (which i had never had before) and we connected on a emotional level. I just miss that physical connection though :(
I don't know what to do, nothing seems to help and it doesnt help either that we havent been getting along at all for awhile now..

Do any of you think a physical attraction is important when choosing a mate, is it a deal breaker or could you live without it??!
Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated :)
by on Apr. 2, 2012 at 5:35 AM
Replies (261-270):
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 12:04 PM

It is important to an extent. It makes the difference between a boyfriend and a friend. You marry to procreate (we'll use those words for now for simplicity's sake and won't get into the necessity of society's approval, etc.) In order to procreate you need to have sex. So, on a purely biological level what draws to people together is the attraction that eventually leads to the making of a new life. 

Unless, of course, we're talking about arranged marriages, etc. I guess this topic is enough for a book or two.

by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 1:50 PM
From my own experience, I would say that you will get in love more with the time. When you will see the things that happens in marriages around, you will get attached to your husband with both of your hands, legs and the heart. It will be there believe me. I got married to love of my life, and I do not regret doing that, but our physical attraction completely wore out during the years. If I would have been married to a good guy, who was kind and caring for me more than anyone else, I believe, we would have reached the level of intimacy step by step.
Other point. You are still young, you do not want to marry and oblige yourself with a "bad boy" like you say. When the feelings cool off, your bad boy will start doing bad things for you. why do you want to suffer?
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 2:22 PM

do you want to stay with him? it's ok if you just don't.

I read this the other day, and I almost didn't answer. but here's my take. Sounds like you married the man that you thought you were supposed to. Rather than the one that you thought you could see yourself making love to for the rest of your life.

I almost married the guy I thought I was supposed to. then it all got turned upside down, and I didn't. I married a wonderful man, but for whatever reason, so many people didn't think that the mix of the two of us was the recipie for a long happy marriage. Probably because to be totally honest, we met on vacation, were instantly attracted and I DO mean instantly. We had consimated our relationship by midnight that night. (I made him wait until midnight so it wouldn't be the day we met because I'm a lady! ) as my friend put it, you two met, and spend the whole rest of the trip 'bonking' like rabbits! and we did.

It was that very quick encounted that led to us bonking for the next 15 years. We got engaged 4 months after we met and we'll be married 13 years next month.

I do think you need to be in love, but I think a lot of being and staying in love is having great s*x, and laughing together when you aren't banging each other's brains out.

"I obviously cant tell him" this is your huband. I think if you can't tell him the truth, then you really don't stand a chance.

may sound like a odd question, but do you like his smell? there is supposed to be something to that when it comes to physical attraction. I say of you do, but something isn't there, maybe it's not him but what you are doing. Maybe you're into something sexually you haven't tried yet. I've seen a lot of married couples get in sync once they started exploring fetishes and things outside the box.

not everyone is turned on by what most people think is sexy.

have you thought about that? maybe you guys need to try unusual things on for size. doen't matter how strange it may seem, if it turns you on, it's nobody elses business. I urge you to try some new things no matter how weird they may seem.

maybe you don't have to tell him that you aren't turned on by HIM write him a note confessing that you aren't turned on by what you guys are doing. suggest some 'weird' things. he may like it!

I say find me a couple that does things that would shock the neighbors and I say you've got yourself a couple with a very healthy sex life!

good luck!

by on Apr. 6, 2012 at 10:51 AM
Yes it is. If you are not attracted to that person it makes it hard to have a great sex life or want to kiss that person...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Silver Member on Apr. 6, 2012 at 10:54 AM

Quoting shoot4thestars:

I believe physical attraction is important, but I don't believe it's everything.  I believe a person's personality can make the most beautiful person on the face the earth, the ugliest and vice versa.  When you look at your husband look for the good that is in him, the good moment, his good qualities, the cute things he does. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 3, 2012 at 2:18 PM

I know this sounds weird, but physical attraction can be developed. I married a man I was not attracted to, also. One advantage to this situation is that he didn't have "power" over me by virtue of sexual attraction. It took me years to stop being "shy" about our sex, and I too could never tell him that I didn't feel that strong sexual attraction to him that I had felt for others.

However, when I started to tell him the things that he could do physically that were more satisfying for me, he became more and more attractive to me. Once I just focused on what he did have going for him, and what he could "do for me", I found that he wanted to please me more than I would have guessed, and we both ended up a lot more satisfied.

If you aren't getting along, it could be that better sex would help. Also be aware that sometimes better sexual satisfaction is also a result of a better relationship. Have you thought about some couples counseling?

Good luck, I hope things improve for you.

by Lauren on May. 3, 2012 at 3:15 PM

     My husband and I have been married for 8 years.  We married after 3-4 months of dating, but I knew that I wanted to marry him after a week of dating.  The "spark" that I felt with him was more than a physical attraction.  Afterall, I had been with other guys before him.  It was different.  I can't explain it very well with words.  For the first time ever, I wanted to be the mother of somebody's children. Having said that, yes, physical attraction is necessary for a healthy marriage.  After all is said and done, sex is ultimately the only thing that you do with your mate that you don't do with everyone else.


by on May. 16, 2012 at 10:50 AM


by on May. 16, 2012 at 11:03 AM
I agree with shypiper: couldn't. Have said it any better than that * 5 star on this!

Quoting ShyPiper:

I know I'm a wierdo ( don't know many people who agree with me on this) but I don't actually get fully attracted to someone until I get to know them. They could be cute, but later prove they are self centered and that will make me completely unattracted to them. On the other hand I could find someone that I have no attraction to, but they are so nice, and make me laugh, and make me feel good about myself and suddenly the beauty of their soul shines through and I become VERY attracted to them. I'm a firm believer in beauty is only skin deep. Beauty fades but true love lasts forever :)

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 16, 2012 at 11:16 AM
I believe that the strongest relationships have five must have components: emotional connection, mental connection,spiritual connection, physical connection and sexual order for the couple to be connected at all levels without one or the other it couldn't work.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)