I had always been pretty led towards the "bad boy" type that always got me physically but mike (hubby) was different, so i really wanted to give him a chance. From the beginning i thought he was cute, adorable, sweet. We waited for 3 months to have sex and then it happened....nothing...i felt no and STILL feel no physical attraction to him. I obviously cant tell him that so i keep trying but our sex life is definatly not what it should be. I guess i always knew that that physical connection wasnt there but he was good to me (which i had never had before) and we connected on a emotional level. I just miss that physical connection though :(
I don't know what to do, nothing seems to help and it doesnt help either that we havent been getting along at all for awhile now..
Do any of you think a physical attraction is important when choosing a mate, is it a deal breaker or could you live without it??!
Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated :)
Thanks!
For me having a physical attraction is important, however I feel I have went out with more average type guys to give them a chance as well. As long as I am attracted to the guy physically, and the personality matches as well, and the interests and stuff match up, then I will date them. I kind of need a balance between both....
I think that my husband is cute but hes not my "type" at all. MY type is dark tanned skin, muscular build, stong jaw, strong hands, hard hair and eyes, tall... my hubby is tall but over about 70-80 pounds overweight, blue eyes, round head, bald... i love my husband very much and we have sex enough... although im sure he wishes it was more. i think you have to learn to crave him. we are going on 6 years strong and im pregnant with baby 2. i cant even explain how beautiful my daughter is :)
Quoting ShyPiper:I know I'm a wierdo ( don't know many people who agree with me on this) but I don't actually get fully attracted to someone until I get to know them. They could be cute, but later prove they are self centered and that will make me completely unattracted to them. On the other hand I could find someone that I have no attraction to, but they are so nice, and make me laugh, and make me feel good about myself and suddenly the beauty of their soul shines through and I become VERY attracted to them. I'm a firm believer in beauty is only skin deep. Beauty fades but true love lasts forever :)
Anyways it was so hard working 5 nites a week paying the mortgage alone, emotionaly hurting from divorce...
So when a really sweet older guy my height 5'9 came along i married him way too soon. I had never not had an attraction to someone and i thought it would change. Guess what it didnt. It caused huge issues he knew it and it mace him feel less of a man. There is something u know in your heart that isnt right and u must follow your heart always for true happiness. I gave everything up and it was alot to start. Over yes again on my own and i finally flund the man of my dreams and trust me u know it inside when its right. Im 37 now. Good luck its not an easy road but its better than living w regret every day :) hugs
I hope things get better for you. Hugs.
I was physical attracted to my dh so I believe it is very important because if you don't have that physical att. what will get the juices moving? Then once we started to get to know each other the emotional part took off. I am sorry but I feel as tho you settled for the 1st man to treat you right, physical att. doesn't just pop out of no where one day, it needs to be there from jump street. As far as advice goes I don't know because you can either be unhappy always earning for that hot readiness you are desiring or "D" and find someone who has your definition of the full package.
You are very young and the first five years of marriage are very difficult for two blossoming personalities. No body told me this!!! My husband and I have seen 75% of our friends divorce in the first five years. It is heart breaking because they just don't seem to want to communicate fairly with this person that used to mean the world to them. I know personally there were times that I didn't feel attracted to my husband in that first three years and I didn't want him near me because I felt so smothered by my new role as wife. Our sex life was terrible or non existant. I also I had barely had the freedom to make my own decisions and do what I want when I wanted and all of the sudden I was having to ask permissions again. And you are quite a bit younger than I was.
Attractions can grow deeper and more fulfilling in a healthy and close relationship. After all of that mess in the first few years, we had a sit down and decided to really try to talk things out with eachother. No pointing fingers, just explaining how we feel and promising to really work on acknowledging how the other person might feel in a situation. It has been hard but really helped us stay connected. Now every time I look at my husband I think that he is the most attractive person I have ever met and our sex life in very satisfying.
I guess what I am trying to say is, that you both need to make a consence decision to make this work and then the attraction will really happen. There must have been something there in the first place and you can grow that if you are willing to put the effort in.
i think attraction has many many various shades of gray. it is not something that is black or white. i think my husband is hot. seriously, i cant tell you how often i just sit and look at him with a smile on my face and think "yum".
however, i know not everyone ELSE thinks that he is. i realize that he is on the heavier side, he has thin lips and small teeth. he is starting to get some gray hair on his temple line, although he is blonde so you dont really notice except in certain light.
but, because of our life together, his personality, the things we have gone through, i find him to be very attractive. he has a scar on his arm from a burn with a cigar. i love to touch and find it sexy because i know that not everyone else gets to see it. he has a scar on his thigh from a brutal infection that i had to care for since its in an odd place he couldnt reach. i love it because it reminds me of our bond together. i adore his half smile, or his ridiculous laugh when he finds something REALLY funny. i love his birth mark on his eye because it is so unique. i c ould go on forever, but i dont want to bore you or come off as weird.
my point is, beauty and attraction isnt all magazine ads and movie stars. sometimes its the marks of history together that makes someone REALLY sexy.
When you met your dh/so?
- Hopefultobe87
on Apr. 2, 2012 at 5:35 AM