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what have i done? please help.

Ever since my daughter has been born (6 weeks ago) things have been diffrent between my fiance and i, wev been on edge, argueing about stupid stuff, and he snaps at me for no reason. At first i thought that it was the stress with the new baby, she is a preemie and needs extra help with things. but i figured that it would go away once things started calming down. but then thursday he texted me saying that we needed to talk, when i got him he said nevermind. but then brought it up later. he said he was gunna break up with me, i asked him why and he said that things have been diffrent and i said is it because of the new baby, he said no that its been going on a while before she was born. I feel so lost because i feel like we were great before she was born. I dont understand what i have done for him to not be inlove with me anymore. we are trying to work on things, but i dont even know what to work on. i love him, and i want our daughter to have both of her parents. :/

by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 4:09 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2012 at 11:38 AM

I think so too even if one is having the problem, It still becomes a couples problem as it takes 2 to tango. Unfortunately he cannot pinpoint the root of the problem but I suggest you bring up therapy the next time you talk. HUGS!

Quoting AlannaMaria:

I think it's a mixture of different things. You should try couples therapy. I hope that your able to work things out. * hugs* hang in there

by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 12:00 PM
TRUST me. Its better for your baby to grow up with parents in separate homes if that means them getting along vs both parents living together and arguing all the time. I WISH I had gotten out when my gut first told me too, instead I kept hoping things would get better. Now dd is almost 4 and things are HORRIBLE & its harder to just leave now because we got married. If he doesnt want to be there you cant MAKE him want to be there. Let him go & focus on your dd & make the best life for the 2 of u.
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by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 12:01 PM

You don't want to marry a man (or should I say boy) that would just give up on you and you're daughter like that. You clearly don't mean as much to him as you thought. Drop the loser and move on. He can still be a dad...doesn't mean you need to be in a relationship with him.

by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2012 at 12:19 PM

Sorry but I agree with LuvCoopins. DH and I have been having major issues this pregnancy. She was planned but it hit us differently than we thought it would. As miserable as we've made each other the past few months, we're working every day to get better and he's right by my side. You need a man that's going to stay with you through the good AND the bad. Counseling COULD work, only if you're both up for it and open to it. The fact that he can't even tell you what the problems are or where he thinks they're steming from, makes me wonder if he just pulled it out of his ass. Sorry mama :-(

by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 12:29 PM
1 mom liked this

 hey, well i wanna start off sayin congrats on ur arrive. And secondly honestly mayb it is the baby i kno its hard to hear but my husband was acting some what like urs too. men neva can tlk about there feelings so i think its easier if they run away from them instead. but have eva thought of cuoples counsling? my husband didnt wana try that but i did. we use to argue all the time too for no reason really but we tried to wrk things out for our son. i felt like u i wanted my son to grow up wit two parents not jus one. but im happy to say we've been together for almost 4yrs n been married for 2. i say u cnt force someone to be or stay wit u. i kno its hard havin a kid n jugglin a relationship but its possible. stand ur ground tell him wats on ur mind even if he refuses to listen. remind him that while he thinks hes leavin u hes also leavin his daughter. those r milestones that he cud neva get bak if he chooses to leave. i hope i helped a lillte or made u feel a lilo better member i have been there too and now me n my hubby r happy. im here if u wana tlk or vent. HUGS!

by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 2:49 PM

Things change when you add a baby to the mix.  Suddenly you are both exhausted, there is no more "down time", and financial responsibilites increase.  Pregnancy hormones can contribute to more fights and exhaustion doesn't help. 

I think if you are both willing to work on it,  you should.  One thing that really helped DH and I when ODS was little was to remember that it's not a competition.  You both work hard for the family, just in different ways.  But you are a team.

If you are arguing about tone or misunderstanding, take the time to ask each other to clarify before jumping into a fight about it.  If you are arguing cause you want more help and aren't getting it, lay out specific expectations.  But be careful about criticizing him.  If he feels like everything he does is wrong, he is going to stop trying. 

by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2012 at 3:33 PM

how long have you been together?

by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 3:59 PM

a couple years

Quoting notjstasocermom:

how long have you been together?

by on Apr. 8, 2012 at 6:01 PM

To me, I think he isn't ready to be father, probley because of the preemie part.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2012 at 6:20 PM
Is this your first? Adjustment to parenthood is very trying...DH and I fought more those first few months than ever before (or ever since)

Hang in there, mama.
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