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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Husband and ex girlfriend as friend (Please help)

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 4:21 PM
  • 41 Replies

My husband has run into an ex from back in his high school days..... I meet her she seem o.k. she was married with three kids.... as time has passed we invited her to our family get together and she invited us to hers ... well about two months ago she needed a job and my husband and I work at a large car plant and he got her a job working with us.She is in a bad marriage and has made a couple of side way comments on how she should have hung on to my husband. I told him that I was o.k. with them being friends .... I told him that I would trust him til he proved me wrong but if he ever did that would be the end. With that said .... my husband around Easter took 3 extra days off so that he wouldn't lose them. On Tuesday of this week he informed me that she had bought him a 40.00 dollar hat. I asked why in the world would she do that. he tells that he had made her a bracelet to go with a necklace that she had ....... (My husband makes jewelry) then he informs that that they went to lunch on Monday.  he drops all this on me and I had to leave and didn't get to talk to him til the next afternoon by this time I am so made I swear I could have blown up.... we get into an argument and he keeps holding to the fact that I gave him permission to be her friend and since I am going through some hormonal things in my mid 40's I have been angry and that telling me all this would have just set me off. Now he is giving me the silent treatment in which I don't get because the way I see it I should be mad at him ....it feels like he wants out of the marriage and will not own up to it. I don't know ....all I know is that I would never disrespect him by going out with a man in a bad marriage. I would never have excepted a gift from a married man nor would I give a gift to said man .....please help me I feel hurt most of all.  Jill

by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 4:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsPancake
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 4:23 PM
I'm sorry you have to go through that! I'm also married and friends with my ex. We have a son together so it's so much easier to share custody when we get along! If you need someone to talk to you can message me!
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lillybug222
by Silver Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 4:23 PM
2 moms liked this
That seems like a big conclusion to jump to. Talk to your husband. Explain that given the cirvumstances, you are regretting your previous decision. Ask him to respect you & your marriage by remaining only co-workers. Furthermore, discuss how the two of you can get back to just you.
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jmlmomma
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 4:31 PM
1 mom liked this

hmm... I agree with you on all the "I would never"

He needs to step back and take a long hard look at the truth....about HER motives and what it's doing to you guys!...will he do that? Just ask him to step back a minute and think about it.... then talk about what he thinks about it after... try to let cooler heads prevail and hopefully he will see whats happening and except that he is wrong for doing a few things and needs to change it before he looses his family.

HUGS...sorry this is happening....she sounds like she is setting him up to have an affair.

dawnbradley
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 4:31 PM
OMG. My husband's HS GF found him on FB. First it was X mas pictures of the families. Next came jokes..............like 'do over'. Told him that I was not cool with this. He said 'aww she is always like that'. I asked him to stop conversing w/ her. No he said. Then slowly lovey dovey stuff, thru e mail then tex then phone calls. All which I accidently came across.............................now it is all my
fault. I made him sooooo unhappy.
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elisa330
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 4:59 PM
2 moms liked this

 i would put a stop to it right now, its never a good sign when a x is involved and they were a x for a purpose. when she is buying him things and he makes her jewlery its them doing things for each other and it can blow up old feelings and cause things to happen when they shouldnt. he giving you the silent treatment is only because he is trying to work through his emotions and i think its time you guys really talked things out and put a stop of her being apart your guys life!!!!

ilovemykids732
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:06 PM

OHHHH no... DH doesnt have any exs... so that wouldnt even be an issue... but if he did... that would be the end of us... like if that crap was happening... yeah... no freaking way... I dont have any advice... but good luck mama...

Ichthus
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:06 PM
1 mom liked this

IMO, there is a line with male/female friendships when married. You need to be open about the relationship with your spouse. You need to tell him/her when you are going to spend time with this person, and you need to share what you talk about and do together. The only time my DH or I spend time with the opposite sex is when we are together as a couple, or it's in a group setting. Maybe you meant they could be friends with that line drawn, but he didn't understand that. I think you need to talk and define what is okay to you when you say he can be friends with another woman.

MILFInProgress
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:14 PM
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My dh is not allowed to hang out with any non blood related female alone. He doesn't always like it but he respects how I feel. I don't care how secure you relationship is, that can change and any woman who sees how.amazing he.is.will plant seeds of opportunity.
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Mrs_Szontagh
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:16 PM
1 mom liked this

my husband was friends with his ex for a long time too- ya know what got him to stop more than all my nagging, bitching, whining and crying? befriending her myself. call her up. invite her out to lunch. let it be known that since they are becoming so reacquanted you want to get to know her better too! his friends are your friends after all!! 

mybaby77
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:16 PM
1 mom liked this

 i dont think your husband wants out of the marriage but of a change in scenery, he got all worked because of some stupid bitch!   he should own his feelings and admit that he has a crush on this bitch and that hes flattered that shes into him!   he needs to grow up,   if you dont mind me asking how old is your husband?

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