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Ladies, i have a question. My husband is in the military and we have four children two of which are 1 and 2. I attend school and i also have a sat class. We have had a few sat out. My husbands says that i shouldn't take classes because he is always left with the kids which is not true during the week when i'm in class for about two hours they are at their daycare provider and when i'm not in class they are with me, weather i'm going grocery shopping or mmeetingfriends. Some days he come in and just go directly upstairs..he does not bathe them or feed them. Am i being selfish? He says that i don't work so having them isn't that big of a deal but i disagree but would love feedback please.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 10:06 AM
Replies (11-20):
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 2:41 PM

No you are not being selfish.  He is though.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 14, 2012 at 2:59 PM

Quoting BaileynMe:

I don't think you're being selfish, but it sounds like your husband is.

by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 3:43 PM

I agree. I think your dh is the one being selfish.

Quoting jiblet:

He should watch them while you have your class. Thats part of being married and sharing in each other's goals. Having 4 kids is a BIG deal and you should have the ability to continue your education.

by Trica on Apr. 14, 2012 at 3:59 PM
I agree! He isn't doing a thing to help! You shouldn't even have to lug the kids to the grocery store! That in itself is a hard chore! Then add kids! No way! When mine were younger DH always helped me plan around our kids. And getting out to the store was my "me" time! He knew I got so little of it!

Quoting BeckyP.:

I agree. Having children is a SHARED responsibility. Sounds like he's not fully on board.

Quoting BaileynMe:

I don't think you're being selfish, but it sounds like your husband is.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this

i think a healthy family =  family time, alone time, together time,

to be great parents i think its important that your lives are well rounded 

sounds like you guys need to talk

i would ask him to provide some examples of why he came to that conclusion

by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 4:26 PM

Children are a shared responsibility. That's all there is to it. If he doesn't want to share the responsibility, he shouldn't have had kids.

by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 5:23 PM

Your husband chose to be a Father and now he should spend some time doing that!  No, you are not being selfish.

by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 5:30 PM

My husband is the same way, only he's not military. I'd firstly like to tell your dh thank you for serving, and I wish I could go back into the military because it was the best time of my life.

Secondly, you're not being selfish! True he may have long days and just be fed up and ready to call it a day... but that doesn't mean he can't spend some time with the kids! Even if while you're bathing them, he comes in and washes their feet (my dad used to do that, and that's my fondest memory). Or if he comes home after the kids are already in bed, my dad used to come in and pat our butts and make funny noises to wake us up just to say goodnight.

My dad was never the lovey-dovey affectionate type with my sisters and I, but he still spent some time with us, even if that meant he didn't get a full night's sleep.

by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 6:36 PM

My husband complains when our youngest (1) wakes in the night, and he wakes me up to get up and go get him, usually when i fall asleep i'm sleep, but he rarely gets up to go get him unless i'm up with him and trying to get him to go back to sleep in his own bed, then he will come get him and take him to our bed and hand him over to me..He also feels like I don't deserve me time, I go to school, and on mondays my kids go to care as well so i can clean house, i can't clean it when everyone is home so i take them on mondays to come clean the house or get some school work done.  My kids are for the most part with me weather i'm home or out, on few occasion i go visit friends but my babies are already in bed.  IDK, i'm just tired.  I also was just offered a job, but i didn't tell my husband until my first interview because i was scared he was going to make me feel bad about it.  we are tight for money and i know we could use the extra income, it is only a few hours a week but he is upset because i have to stay overnight from friday evening into sat, but i took that shift because it is not every weekend and i know on sunday he needs to relax for another work week.  I just don't get it.  I feel so confused, also I'm still a work in progress, we got married when i was 19, i had never lived outside of my moms house and i had just graduated high school that year...

by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 8:04 PM

I'm in the same position as you. I am pregnant with  my 4th and have three little ones at home. My oldest is in kindergarten and its rough at times. My husband works full time and picks up side jobs since he is trying to get his own business started so he is barely home, but we have had times where he wasnt working and still wouldnt watch the kids. For some of us, like me, I feel that getting back into school is the break that we need sometimes. I don't find you being selfish at all, they are both your children, which means they are equally your responsibility.

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