Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I'm so frustrated!

Posted by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 8:51 PM
  • 10 Replies

My husband has been forced to take overtime a LOT lately, and the extra money is great. But, I have only seen for maybe 30 minutes total in the past week. He works nights (5p-5a), so he sleeps all day. He hasn't had a day off since last Thursday, and last Thursday was the last day I had adult interaction of any kind. I know I shouldn't complain because he is working to hard to support me and our children while I'm in online school, but I miss conversating and being intimate. I'm going crazy!! When I mentioned to him how I felt he got pissed off at me like I'm not thankful for what he does and he said that this is how marriage is suppose to be and for me to get use to it.. If this is how our marriage is going to stay, I'm not sure I want to be married anymore. I was less lonely single. Even when he wasn't taking OT he was always leaving to go hang out with his cousin or go hang out at where he works..so I'm alone either way. We only have one car, and he is always using it so I'm stuck in this house all day every day. I like that he has friends he can hang out with, but I need attention too. And his sons need his attention. I just don't know how to make him listen to me..everytime I bring it up I get called selfish and unappreciative.

I just don't know what to do anymore.. I'm so frustrated and sad :(

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 8:51 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Eleonora01
by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Ok so can u either borrow a ride from 1 of your friends or maybe one your friends to pick you up his job to surprise him with a nice dinner or something.. and it is always hard to talk to me man when he's frustrated s maybe you should wait until he calm down relax in then talk to him
mom2boys90
by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't have friends where we live.. The few that didn't move away are still single and don't want to hang around someone with kids. And since I don't get out I can't make new friends, and my husband doesn't really want me to make friends. And he's a cop, so he doesn't get dinner breaks or anything..it's an eat on the go kind of job.

I don't really think he's frustrated. He loves working, and prefers to work over being home because he is bored here.

I was really just needing to vent. I have talked to my mom about it and I have tried all kinds of suggestions..like waking up when it's time for him to come home so I can spend time with him, but he stays at work until he gets tired now so he's not home until three hours after he gets off and just goes straight to bed.

I've decided to go stay with my mom for the next week in SC, and maybe he will decide to take a day off and spend time with me and the boys.

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 3:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I work nights and I dont sleep all day.  I would have a discussion with him about setting some time that he does have to spend with his family and to make sure you make him re-think his answer because it will be depndent on whether you file for divorce or not.

TJandKarasMom
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 6:50 AM
Can I ask you how old he is?
My DH used to be like that. Then he got payed off and was home all the time for three years, which was even worse than when he was working because he was so miserable not working. Now he is working again and he works nights and overtime all the time, 12 on, 2 off is his new pattern...it sucks, but he is handling it so much better at 28 than he did at 23. He works it out so he gets home at aout 9am, goes to bed,gets up at 3 or 4 (kids are in school full days and I work in school, so we get home around 3:15). He has dinner with us and spends some time with us before heading back out to work. This might not work for your DH since he is working 12hr shifts every day, my DH does 12hr shifts on the weekends and we just don't see him at all on the weekends.

And he is miserable on the weekends, he's kind of a jerk sometimes when I get him up for work, because he's tired and he hates his job, so I don't blame him. But sometimes I just have to let him get through a phase and he's back to being home more often or trying harder. Maybe a week with your mom will be good for both of you, definitely for you to get some interaction and get your sanity back a little, and for him to notice he misses you and the kids.

Enjoy your time with your mom, I hope things get better for you.
MunchiesMom324
by Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 7:19 AM

Where at in SC?

Quoting mom2boys90:

I don't have friends where we live.. The few that didn't move away are still single and don't want to hang around someone with kids. And since I don't get out I can't make new friends, and my husband doesn't really want me to make friends. And he's a cop, so he doesn't get dinner breaks or anything..it's an eat on the go kind of job.

I don't really think he's frustrated. He loves working, and prefers to work over being home because he is bored here.

I was really just needing to vent. I have talked to my mom about it and I have tried all kinds of suggestions..like waking up when it's time for him to come home so I can spend time with him, but he stays at work until he gets tired now so he's not home until three hours after he gets off and just goes straight to bed.

I've decided to go stay with my mom for the next week in SC, and maybe he will decide to take a day off and spend time with me and the boys.


ProudMommy51006
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 7:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Could he be cheating? This sounds very much like my friend's situation with her exhusband. When he was "at work for ours after his shift" he was actually sleeping with the office lady. Your dh may not be cheating, this just sounds just like their situation.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
horselvr_7
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 7:41 AM

I know the feeling. my dh is an over the road truck driver and is in training and was gone for 5 weeks and then came home for a week and is now back out on his 3rd week away again. I know what you mean by needing adult interaction. I find that I love going to my part time job now because I get the adult interaction and it givews me something to keep me busy during the day.

But if you have expressed your concerns to him and he just doesn't care then maybe you need to make a change. Tell him to see it from your perspective and see if he would like it if it was him who was basically being ignored . sorry you're in this situation. hugs!

jmlmomma
by Bronze Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 8:07 AM

I would be upset that he's hanging out for 3 hours after work... He is not being part of the marriage. Just making the money is not making a marriage and he is wrong..that is not how a marriage is! There's something up..

Sorry your so alone and hurting... 

Eleonora01
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 8:50 AM
Ok that is good maybe now he can see what he is missing.. Now my husband and I work odd hours He work at nite and I work thou the day and we work hard to keep our marriage going we have 3 kids so I think he should try...Ok I wasn't going to say it but it sound like he is cheatn..My husband always say if a man want to be with u he will try everything to be with u and his family
Lisa_Lynn
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 8:51 AM

 I deal with it too, but i just treasure the times we do have together.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN