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Second guessing getting married (UPDATED IN BLUE)

Posted by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 3:01 PM
  • 22 Replies

 I find myself growing apart from DF. He is treating me like I'm his maid, butler, cook, etc. I have had just about all I can handle. I honestly won't be surprised if I end up in the hospital from all the stress going on. I want things to work out for our 17 mo old DD, but Idk what to do. I am tired of him thinking he doesn't have to lift a finger. Things are going to have to change.


Well I spoke with DF last night on our way home from my in laws last night. We didn't get mad at each other which was great. I told him how I felt and he understood why I was feeling what I was feeling. I told him that it stresses me out when I feel that I have to do everything. I was like my day is on going and never stops. I do everything for the baby, and keep up with the house by myself and it gets exhausting after awhile. I asked him if he'd be willing to help me out a couple times a week even. I asked him to pick his clothes up off the floor in and into our hamper, if he sees dishes out to please put them in the dishwasher and when he is done eating not to leave his dishes so I have to clean them up. He agreed so we will see if he does it tonight.

I also told him that I do not want him to treat me like I'm his maid or his mother. That I get enought crap from his mother as it is and I do not need anything added. I told him how I feel embarrassed when his parents come over and our place is a mess and he doesn't care because they're his parents. He told me that he doesn't care what they think, which then got me upset but he saw how it bothered me and then turned around and said "but when we have company no matter who it is I will help pick up our place." It seems he is going to help me out, but we've already discussed what will happen if he doesn't. So he has until I leave to go visit my mother this summer to change his ways. Whether it'll happen, idk. i guess time will only tell.   (He did apologize for treating me the way he did. And he realized that we don't live in the 1950s era.)

by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 3:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 3:02 PM
Tell him!!!
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by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 3:06 PM

Well have you tried talking to him about this? Have you told him how you felt? Have you told him that if he doesn't change his ways you are outta of there? If you have tried talking to him about it, and he has continusaly dismissed it, then there is some serious issues there that if he isn't willing now to fix, then what makes you think after a piece of paper that anything will change? Just curious, not trying to bash. But if he hasn't attempted to fix anything after so many talks then its probably best to walk away because if he really cared he would have put your feelings into consideration and done something to change it.

by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 3:15 PM

Tell him! A marriage should be two ppl who are completely capable of taking care of themselves and living alone, but are together only have a partner to keep them company. My husband is a rare kind , i believe. He does most of the cooking, he does laundry, vaccums, mops, cleans bathrooms, everything that i also do. It is much nicer to have team work, than for everything to be dropped on one person.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2012 at 3:18 PM
yea id definatly push that wedding back.
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by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 3:19 PM

better tell him and get things worked out before the marriage!!  GL

by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2012 at 3:25 PM
1 mom liked this

This is very good of you to be thinking about BEFORE you get married. It might have been something to even think about before you two had a kid together but at least you're thinking now.

You must remember, whether you marry him or not, he's going to be in your and your dd's life forever. And that's a good thing because you want that. 

However many women end up marrying men like that and they feel "stuck" in their marriage. Unable to get out of it because they didn't THINK beforehand about what they were getting into. YOU are thinking about what you're gettng into before you get married and that's important.

If you don't think that he's going to change his ways or the ways in which he treats you and you can't LIVE with that FOREVER (because marriage is for life, at least it should be) then don't marry him. If you decide that you can live like that forever, then do marry him. It's your choice on how happy you want to be for the rest of your life. 

by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 3:56 PM

I am really no help, I personally prefer my husband not to have to "lift a finger" around here . BUT i too think it is better that you find out now prior to marriage that you may not be going down the isle with whom you thought you wanted to . I also think that you need to talk to him about it and let him know what you need.

by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 4:09 PM

 Thanks ladies. I definitely plan on having a talk with him. We have had a conversation like this before we moved on our own, but never went into depth. I don't expect him to help with everything but I do expect him to help with some of the things as he does work full time and he is tired. I get it i readlly do, however I will be going back to school in the fall and will need the extra help especially when it's homework time, which he was great with then I went last year. I am hoping things work out between us and if not then DD and I are off to Florida which is the only other place I have to go being as my mother is down there. My father is out of the picture.

by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 4:10 PM
Don't expect him to change once you get married. It's not going to happen.
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by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 7:12 PM

well discuss change and compromise with fiance and go from there

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