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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Help us with our 'debate'

Posted by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:26 PM
  • 21 Replies
My DF and I have been back and forth on this for nearly a year and a half .. and it leads to a brick wall!!

Here's the story. When I was 16 my bio-mom and a friend of hers decided to get myself and her son together. They recently moved from Indiana and we were roughly the same age. We met a few times, he was tall and handsome, shy to boot just like me. We went on our first and only date to a local car show/fast food joint. We both enjoy old cars and enjoy the joint. We were so nervois neither one of us ate, we walked around looking at the cars. It was a fun night all together. We stayed in touch and hung out occassionally. A few years later his mom ended up buying a house across the street from us. He was already graduated from high school, working on cars. We began to hang out more. He even took me to my senior prom. We never dated, though we flirted with each other all the time. We would get close to a kiss in the midst of a hug or while cuddling watching a movie but never did. We evetually grew apart, but would always find our eay back to each other.

I moved out of state to live with the "love of my life" shortly aftet my Father passed away. When I finally moved back home we caught back up with each other .. both newly single. We hung out for a few nights, but it wasn't until nearly a month later that something happened. We went out for drinks with a friend of his and his GF. We had a blast and a little too much to drink. I made the first move and he didn't seem to mind, just didn't know how to take it but sent back the vibes and advances. I told him that he was not going to drive himself home with the amount of drinks we both had, that he would stay at my house in the spare room. My house was 2 blocks from the. Well, one thing led to another when we got home and neither of us tried to stop it. We were comfortable with it. This went on for a little over a month, but we werent together. We saw other people, but we would always find our way to each others bed.

I met my DF and couldn't continue with what my friend and I were doing. Thankfully he understood, we were both a little upset about it, but we knew it would happen.

When I was about 5 months pregnant my friend had called and said that he was in the area hanging out with a mutual friend. I hadn't seen him in nearly a year and wanted to show off my bump! I brought my DF with me out of respect to him and to introduce them to each other. Since then my DF rubs it in my face that I made him hang out with one of my ex's not knowing that he was an ex. (I explained our "friendship" on the way home that night.) I told him that he isn't an ex, he is a friend that I sex with. There were no feelings involved. The only reason it came up recently was because my friend called me the other day out of the blue. The debate started all over again!!! He's an ex .. no he's a friend I had sex with after knowing him for 12 years.

What do you think? Would you really consider him an ex or still just a friend?
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by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bookworm14
by Mandy on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:30 PM
1 mom liked this
How bout an EX friend with benefit?

I dunno, that's all I can come up with. Good luck!
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Garnet_Iris11
by Member on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:33 PM
Very true :-) But we decided to not bring ex's around, let alone hanging out with them. So he gets mad. That's where I get ticked becuase it was nothing, we don't even talk about what happened, basically like it never did.

Quoting bookworm14:

How bout an EX friend with benefit?



I dunno, that's all I can come up with. Good luck!
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jac77
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:39 PM
My SO & I have had this talk. We live in a small town & he grew up here. Long story short...he's dated everyone! So, I've told him, please oh please don't let me kick it with someone you've doinked. Lol. & that seems to work for us...GL!
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2rays0fsun
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:45 PM

I'm not sure. But if you're committed to your DF and want to make a life with him, I don't think it matters as much what "term" you give your friend, as the fact your DF seems really uncomfortable with this friendship. I would guess that's really what your DF is getting at, as opposed to a debate over how to label the guy (friend, ex, friend with benefits etc).

windsails
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:46 PM
1 mom liked this

definitely still just a friend, you DF needs to get over it, i can bet you that he had a sex buddy or two in his lifetime and would no more consider them ex's than you do your friend...i still consider a couple of guys that were just friends (even though we had sex), still JUST friends NOT ex's...gee whiz, really needs to get over it and drop it, unless it's a fun little game that you guys like playing, otherwise...no

MILFInProgress
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:47 PM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't want to meet someone my dh had sex with.
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GCSOmom
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:51 PM
1 mom liked this
He might as well be an ex if you were fucking each other. Would you like it if df kept in touch with a former booty call? You're in the wrong here.
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maidjillian
by Member on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:57 PM

I probably wouldn't have mentioned you had sex with him since it was such a tiny part of your friendship as a whole. Now that he knows...of course he's uncomfortable with it!

MistyMoo
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2012 at 10:57 PM
I would consider him a friend and would have put the ordeal behind me, so DF wouldn't even know we had slept together...BUT had i told DF, he would disagree and he too would say it was an ex. Even though we never dated. LOL.. But I guess if the roles were reversed we'd be thinking the same. If not we certainly wouldn't want our SO hanging out with them... This is a toughie..
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m3lissa_16
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 11:03 PM

I would say an ex. Sex is sex, whether it is with a person you are in a relationship with, or a stranger. 

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