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Christian post: Fear in Love

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 8:32 AM
  • 11 Replies

I've been struggling in my relationship with my boyfriend.  He is amazing, supportive and we get along very well together.  The love I feel for him is so deep within my soul - truly, he is my best friend.

I've been hurt a lot in the past, betrayal/cheating by an ex husband as well as many other "hurts" that I'm sure are common to us all in relationships.  Because of that, I have a hard time trusting the love I have for my BF.

We met at college (we're "older" students... in our 30's) a year and a half ago and took it slow getting to know one another.  Then we dated, and discovered the love we have for each other.  I transferred to a University (we met at a community college), and he graduated with an Associate degree and started working.  We live an hour apart which makes seeing each other difficult.  Plus, I have a "first shift" schedule with classes and he works second shift.  We both have daughters (he has full custody of his, and I have full custody of mine), so a lot of our "free" time goes to house chores and taking care of our children.

Anyway... I'll get to the point here.

doing my bible study this morning, I came across a verse in 1 John.  "There is no fear in love."  Which makes me question why I fear?  Why am I so afraid to trust my love for my BF?  I've prayed continuously about it and am certain that this is where God wants me to be.  Why do I fear?  If God is for me, who can be against me? Satan has no power over me.  1 John continues to say that Fear is punishment.  Am I punishing myself (or allowing Satan to punish me) because I haven't forgiven myself for my previous failed marriage?

I'm tired of hurting and not trusting God when it comes to my relationship with my BF.  Just thought I'd vent.

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 8:32 AM
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by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 8:43 AM
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Do you remember this passage, part of the Love Chapter in 1 Corinthians 13: For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

In the Bible, one of Jesus' names IS Love. The way I see it, right now no matter how much we love someone, it is still imperfect, because Jesus IS perfect love. He's not here yet. Like the passage says, right now we can only see a reflection. We can try to get as close to perfect as we can, but sometimes fear, or anger creeps in and taints that love. 

I wouldn't beat yourself up for being afraid sometimes. You have been hurt in the past, and that in itself taints things. It's ok. Just keep working, keep striving, to have that perfect love. But know that you won't ever hit that mark fully until Jesus returns. And that's ok too.

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:59 PM
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Thank you for that reminder, and for the encouragement.  You're right - Jesus is love and His is the only perfect love.  Until His return, I see only a reflection.  And I must love despite my broken nature, keeping my eyes on Him.

You made my heart feel lighter.  

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:12 PM
There is a lot to think about here. It makes me think about my own situation. I spent my whole life almost in every relationship that I've been in with the kind of fear that you are talking about. Then I finally let go of it. I believed that God sent me that person also. And by letting go of that fear I allowed that person to hurt me more than anyone else in my whole life. So maybe it's healthy to have a little fear. I don't think it means your not trusting God. People on this earth are not perfect. Noone is. Only God is. And we have to remember that always.
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by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:19 PM
God always has a plan for everyone. Yes you've had bad experiences in your past. But remember this man had crossed your path for a reason. Take a chance give ig the benefit of the doubt. Believe that after all that pain you finally find real love and happiness.
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:24 PM

we are only human and being christ like takes a lot of work.  My mother is constantly reminding me to give it to God. But I find myself giving and then taking back.  Your fears are normal you just have to trust that God is there to help you through this! I hope this makes sense I need coffee. 

Wife, Mother, Progressive Christian


by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 7:49 PM
My husband and i have tattooed on our arms 1 corinthians 13:13. But i read 1 John over like 10 times and also makes me wonder why i have such a fear.Of course coming back from a ex husband who was a sex addict and cheating on me and even bought a hooker and somewhere in there i got an std.
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 8:35 PM

i was in the same boat as you when i met my dh, i had tons of bad relationships, an tons of fear , but i just had to remind myself  " he is not my ex he is a great man"

happily married for a lil over 1.5 an together for 6 , he is more amazing everyday

you have to let go of the past, i get when you say are you punishing yourself, i think  we can sabotage our relationships with this fear that he may cheat  

by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 2:01 PM
I believe wat u have gone through is to make u stronger. Now u r older n more matute. I say take that verse to heart n dont fear. In Psalms 23 The Lord is ur shepard u shal not Want!
by Member on Apr. 20, 2012 at 2:15 PM
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Perfect love cast out all fear, well, who is the only one who has perfect love? That's Christ. In His perfect love, there is no fear. No fear of death, no fear of life, no fear of being left again or hurt. Put Him 1st in this relationship, everything else will fall into the right spot. Don't stress about what hasn't happened yet! Bible says if you take delight in the Lord, He will give you your hearts desires. Let Him take your hurt, your fear, your anger and pain and forgive where forgivness is needed, seek forgivness on your part and ACCEPT His forgivness & go on with life! Don't be burdoned down by the past! 

by on Apr. 20, 2012 at 8:58 PM
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Great advice, ladies. Thank you for your Christian perspective.  Forgiveness is something I struggle with.  I have been praying so hard and so often the past two weeks and I feel God's presence in this situation.  I can feel him guiding me, telling me to trust and to forgive and be forgiven.  I made a difficult phone call today to ask for forgiveness... it was very humbling.  

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