My expectations are ruining my marriage... is it just me??? HELP!
DH and I have known each other since HS. I was married before. We are married 7.5 years and have two DD together. He has always been a bit immature. But standup in other ways. We have a great deal of stress in our lives. Always have. My problem is I have expectations that he doesn't come close to fulfilling and then I get mad at him. IE, last night he bought a bottle of wine. I wanted to enjoy it with him. It was Sat night and the kids stayed up late w me watching movies, goofing around (he was on FB the whole time right in the same room drinking the wine). By the time everything was settled down the wine was gone. I was all bummed and annoyed that he didn't save any for me. We are tight financially and it's a real treat when we can have wine. Any human would think to share - RIGHT? Save half??? That's what I teach the kids... And he yells at my son if he ever gets caught finishing anything!!!! So I turned him down (even though earlier I already told him 'I guess we're not doing it since u drank all that wine' and I told him how I don't like having sex when he's been drinking bc its just not fun for me. He got really pissed then when I blocked him and reminded him I said no. Then it turned into how I'm such a selfish person. Waiting for everyone to serve me. And other things that thankfully I could not hear. BUT, this happens over and over. Things I feel he would never do to some girl he's dating, yet he does to me. He's a perfect gentleman to women when we go out. He puts on a charade. Worst part, is that he knows he's playing these games. I just feel... if he got a bottle of wine, I'd expect he'd save some for me for when I was finished w the kids and settled down. Or, is it really me. If I wanted some, should I have poured mine and put it aside? If I asked him to save some, he would have drank it anyway saying 'ooops'. btw, he's had drinking problems in the past and that's another reason we have a dry house most of the time. Oh, and I had to block his posts on FB because I got sick of him NEVER addressing me on there. Just about his guns, or himself. Sometimes a pic about the girls. But me... never. We had a big blowup over this too. So I just thought it was easier to block him so I can't see the stupid stuff he writes. And the fact that all these old female friends are always the first ones to comment on his stuff.
I really love him on a deep level. When it's good its good. but I know I'm not being treated w respect. I go out of my way to keep the kids from seeing these things. I set up opp for them to have a very good relationship. Although he's a jerk to my son 75% of the time. Totally jealous of him. Thinkshe should be doing way more chores (my dh does NOTHING around the house, doesn't pay the bills, minimally helps w the kids... just goes to work)....
so, am I wrong to let expectations ruin our relationship? is it all in my head??? we are going to see a councelor. just hope he doesn't leave before then over these fights.