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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Dh and I aren't on the same page and it's hurting my feelings.

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:01 AM
  • 17 Replies

Lately Dh and I aren't agreeing on things.

He got into rock climbing about a year ago, right after Dd was born. Go figure, right? Ugh, men always find some excuse after baby's are born to be away from the house. RIGHT after she was born he wanted to join the police academy and go away for an entire month to a city 2 hrs away for training. I put my foot down. He got mad because he said I was "holding him back" when really, I just needed his help with a new born. I mean, who seriously thinks its a good idea to leave their wife with a newborn? 

It felt then a lot like it does now. Right now he's a mechanic and works about 8 hours a day while i'm home with Dd. we agreed after I left my previous job (preschool teacher) that there was no point in my returning to work as i would be working to just pay for daycare basically. So its been almost 9 months since I've taken on the roll of sahm. 

The arguments we mostly have have to do with his rock climbing. He wants to go out ALL the time and do it while I would rather he be at home with Dd and I. So when I put my foot down and insisted he stay home most of the time and go rock climbing once a week or so he decided he was going to "make a business" out of it and lead guided climbs. Mind you, the nearest rock climbing we have is an hour from home. I feel like he's using this "business" to get more rock climbing in after work and every weekend after the fact of my telling him once a week is fine. I'm fine with him having a hobby!

I just feel like he's ignoring his home responsibilities. If he wanted to rock climb ALL the time, lead and guide climbs, and travel and work long hours then he shouldnt have gotten married and started a family. These are things SINGLE men do and he's not single. 

Then he tries and makes things sound SO desperate that he HAS to do this business. "We're going to lose everything if we don't do something." First off, we're not going to lose everything. Our only debts are our house and our car and then the usual bills like utilities, cable/internet, and phone which add up. I told him I'll get a job at night while he's home with Dd. He's trying to make it seem like the ONLY way to get more money is for him to be gone more from the house and never home and able to climb whenever and however long he wants. 

I don't beleive for a second he's starting this business for the family, he's doing it for himself and I think thats what makes me the angriest. 

I'm seriously tired of having these arguments with him. All I'm doing is repeating myself over and over and over again. 

by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PortiaRose
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:03 AM
Omg the "business" shit reminds me of my man and his RC helicopter.
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flowerfunleah
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:06 AM

From what I've heard from other wives the "business" thing is a pretty common excuse among husbands.

Quoting PortiaRose:

Omg the "business" shit reminds me of my man and his RC helicopter.


shadow_lark
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:07 AM
Why Dont you think he's doing it for the family. i agree that everyday and all weekend is over the top, but if ge really does love it, then why Dont you try giving him a chance? Sit hint down and discuss what hours and days he can be in business, and then try that for a few months. you never know....this may turn into a good way for him to bring in some extra income while also doing something he loves.
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PortiaRose
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:11 AM
What if I had a little "business"? Call me an adult entertainment facilitator. Aka stripper.

Its a business! Our family needs the money!


Quoting flowerfunleah:

From what I've heard from other wives the "business" thing is a pretty common excuse among husbands.


Quoting PortiaRose:

Omg the "business" shit reminds me of my man and his RC helicopter.


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MumsTheWord571
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:12 AM
So he has to ask permission like a child??

Perhaps he feels overwhelmed and bullied and needs time to think. Maybe you forcing him to stay home "all the time" is putting excess pressure on him. Also with a new baby he's likely feeling the need to over achieve and improve his income/life for the baby. It's common in men.

Try talking about it, without being accusatory & find out what HE wants and needs.

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flowerfunleah
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:13 AM

Because I know exactly how it will end up. We'll start with set hours and days and then he'll insist on this or that client that can only do it NOT on those specified days and he'll get angry if I insist he stick to the schedule and we'll be right back where we are now. 

I told him that the best time to start this sort of thing will be when Dd is older, in school, and I'm working full time. Right now she is only a year old, I need him here to help me. I don't understand why he cant be as family focused as he is on rock climbing. 

Quoting shadow_lark:

Why Dont you think he's doing it for the family. i agree that everyday and all weekend is over the top, but if ge really does love it, then why Dont you try giving him a chance? Sit hint down and discuss what hours and days he can be in business, and then try that for a few months. you never know....this may turn into a good way for him to bring in some extra income while also doing something he loves.


shadow_lark
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:16 AM
How do you know that? Honestly, you sound a little controlling. you wont even give him the benefit of the doubt, and see this as him being family focused....just in a different way than you are.

Quoting flowerfunleah:

Because I know exactly how it will end up. We'll start with set hours and days and then he'll insist on this or that client that can only do it NOT on those specified days and he'll get angry if I insist he stick to the schedule and we'll be right back where we are now. 

I told him that the best time to start this sort of thing will be when Dd is older, in school, and I'm working full time. Right now she is only a year old, I need him here to help me. I don't understand why he cant be as family focused as he is on rock climbing. 


Quoting shadow_lark:

Why Dont you think he's doing it for the family. i agree that everyday and all weekend is over the top, but if ge really does love it, then why Dont you try giving him a chance? Sit hint down and discuss what hours and days he can be in business, and then try that for a few months. you never know....this may turn into a good way for him to bring in some extra income while also doing something he loves.


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rockinmomto2
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:21 AM

If he's trying to make a business out of it, maybe you need to take a look at yourself and think about why you're trying to control so much of what he does. My husband has a full time job from 7 am to 5 pm (he leaves between 5:30 and 5:45 am, gets home around 6:30), and he's starting his landscaping business on the side. Many nights he has appointments after work and he does most of his jobs on the weekend so he doesn't have to take time off of work. Sure it's frustrating, but he's doing it because it's what he loves to do. Who am I to stomp on his dreams?

CrusherMama86
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:25 AM
My husband is a rock climber as well. It's his passion, and it is seriously addicting. Luckily for him, I climb too. It's a family affair. DS is 3.5 and he loves playing in the woods, so we pack lunches and spend the day out. Have you ever tried going with him?
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Jennifer_57
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:27 AM
" who seriously thinks its a good idea to leave their wife with a newborn?"

Lol well I would hope its a good idea...i would rephrase that lol
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