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Failing at being a mom :(

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:35 PM
  • 12 Replies

I am overwhelmed and I feel like I am failing as a mother.  I always wanted kids and thought I would be a great mom..........but I feel like I am failing.

Here is a bit about me..........

I am 26 and married to my amazing husband.  I work at home but have to go into work twice a week for a few hours........which I do when DH is home with the kids.  My husband works at a Federal prison.  Both of our incomes got cut when I got off of maternity leave after having my second.  My husband took another job which cuts his income for a little bit but for the end result it was better to do it now.  My income got cut due to budget issues.  So we are really budgeting.  We have two kids a 3 year old boy and a 10 month old daughter.  

I am in charge of the kids all day and a lot at night.  DH is in a golf league at work and has begun taking over times to compensate our income that we lost (we have trips and plans that we cant break that we need the money for...........plus he wants to take me away for our anniversary and buy me some new clothes :)  ).  Plus DH is working on his masters degree at night.  So between my work, his work, his schooling, his overtime, and his golfing............I feel like our schedules are CRAZY.  Plus we live in a small town and I have to drive 20-25 minutes to take my son into town for socializing and playgroups several times a week.  Our second car broke down so I have to get up early to take DH to work and if he gets overtime wake the kids up and go pick him up at midnight.  

I am noticing I am exhausted and tend to snap at my sweet babies.  I adore my children but I get so frustrated.  I am overwhelmed by work, by being a housewife, by keeping the house clean, by making meals, etc.  I have made some friends in the area lately and try to hang out with them but my son has been acting up.  I think it is because DH is so busy and he doesn't get to see him a lot.  Tonight DH had an overtime shift so we ran his dinner out to him and all the way home my son cried and said daddy needed to hold him.  It is even harder because DH worked overtime on Sunday and golfed last night (plus I work Monday nights).  My son is very strong willed and you have to be on him.  I feel after a day I am tired.........so add in nights by myself I start to snap.

I use to run to relieve stress but there is no time now.  

I truly feel like I am failing.  I am a snappy mom and I don't want to be.  I get so frustrated.  I feel like I am failing my kids, my husband, and myself.  

Sorry to rant I just needed to get it out.  DH doesn't get it and I don't want to make him worry or feel sorry for anything.  I know he needs his outlet (golf) and i know we need the money (overtime) and I know that his schooling will help us drastically in a few years.  WE are hoping I can be a SAHM while going back to school once we are out of debt.  But until then I need my job. 

I am just overwhelmed.........I feel like I can barely think straight.  I know I need to put my big girl pants on and just deal with it and get over it..........it is just SO hard.

How do you ladies juggle it all?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CayShek
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:58 PM
You are not a horrible mother or failing. However, I think you have a ridiculously crazier schedule than need be! One thing that helps me is making freeze ahead meals. I take one day per month and make 20-25 meals. Usually easy stuff to reheat. Schedule, organize, budget. Get a HUGE calendar from staples and hang it somewhere private yet it will get seen. Write down every friday what needs to paid. Write down where you are going during the week & what you are spending. Plan out your entire month or two ahead of time. Have you thought of hosting a play date at your house? Is golf year around where you live or just for the season? DH needs a reality check and needs to cut gold time down until bills are caught up!
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midjet117
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:02 PM
2 moms liked this
you just kinda do it. I totally get where you are comming from, but in truth you are not super woman. You can only do so much. It took me getting pregnant a 2nd time to realize that myself. Do u have any friends or family who would be willing to watch your kids as a favor while you and your hubby have a date night. You 2 dont even need to go out, just send the kids to the friends house for a few hrs and do dinner in and a movie from redbox or netflix or something.

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sew4fun
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:05 PM
3 moms liked this

You are NOT a failure ! I repeat NOT !!!!!!!! It really sounds like you need time for you . Now I am not talking alot of time. I am talking 5 mins here and 5 mins there . I know it does not sound like alot but it really helps. Put the kids in safe areas and bring in "quiet play" start with a few mins once a day then dry to get up to two or three times a day for about 5 mins each time. Eventually you will get to where you can do this about 20 mins at a time. Like I said it does not seem like much but it really helps. I use my few mins at at time to just sit and enjoy a glass of tea. Doing that alone really helped me with the "snapping" I normally only get to do this once a day but it still helps.

LML1
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry momma. Keep your chin up!

2rays0fsun
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:18 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed! Sometimes I think we as moms tend to take on way too much (work, household, kids, cooking, wifely duties - lol). And not enough time for ourselves to just BE and have some peaceful relaxation! Is there any way you can get up early and run? Can you afford a treadmill and run in the house while the kids are there? (I do that). I know it sounds crazy trying to fit even more in your schedule (working out) but oddly enough it helps u relax, clear your mind, and release stress. So less likely to snap. Also is driving to socialize several times a week really necessary? Like almost hour round trip? my older DD didn't do many playdates until she went to preK at 4. Now she's very social and does great with classmates in K. In fact her teacher compliments her as one of the class leaders :) So maybe cut down on some playdates to save time (and sanity lol)?

Also sorry to ask, but I think you posted in the past about your son being traumatized at church? I was wondering how that went and was he able to move past that.

windsails
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:43 PM
1 mom liked this

oh girl, you are a great mom! just too occupied!!! slow down a little, if there are a few dirty dishes in the sink, don't worry bout it...sit and play with the kids instead for a few minutes, that might help you to reconnect with them...you're young, things have a way of settling down over time, it's clear you love your babies, that is the most important thing, just take a breath, and relax a little, nothing should be all that urgent....you're doing fine, don't be so hard on yourself

ddhb2007
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:05 PM
1 mom liked this
It's time to take a break. You need an outlet as much as your husband does. You'll be a better mom if you remember to take care of yourself.
Linz0522
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:24 PM

Thanks for the idea.  We just got a chest freezer from some neighbors who were moving........so now I have room to freeze meals.  That is a great idea to try.........it would definitely take some stress off!  The problems with the play dates is we meet at either a free indoor play structure or a indoor play co-op.  So not at a persons house.  And my son is in speech therapy and I was encouraged to have him go to as many play dates as possible because it will help him.  Golf only goes from April until around October where I live.  His league is from May to August.  We pay all of our bills fine it is any extra we need his overtime for.  So for birthday party for my daughter, trips, getaways, money to buy clothes, etc.

Quoting CayShek:

You are not a horrible mother or failing. However, I think you have a ridiculously crazier schedule than need be! One thing that helps me is making freeze ahead meals. I take one day per month and make 20-25 meals. Usually easy stuff to reheat. Schedule, organize, budget. Get a HUGE calendar from staples and hang it somewhere private yet it will get seen. Write down every friday what needs to paid. Write down where you are going during the week & what you are spending. Plan out your entire month or two ahead of time. Have you thought of hosting a play date at your house? Is golf year around where you live or just for the season? DH needs a reality check and needs to cut gold time down until bills are caught up!


Linz0522
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:26 PM

We don't know anyone enough to leave our kids and our family lives several hours away but DH took the initiative and planned a getaway for our anniversary in like 3 weeks and his parents will be watching the kids.  I am really excited for that and just hope I keep my sanity until then.

Quoting midjet117:

you just kinda do it. I totally get where you are comming from, but in truth you are not super woman. You can only do so much. It took me getting pregnant a 2nd time to realize that myself. Do u have any friends or family who would be willing to watch your kids as a favor while you and your hubby have a date night. You 2 dont even need to go out, just send the kids to the friends house for a few hrs and do dinner in and a movie from redbox or netflix or something.


Linz0522
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:32 PM

I did post about my son being traumatized at Church........wow I cant believe you remembered :)  We are still working through it.  He is now potty trained again thank goodness.  But my husband is ALWAYS with him at Church.  Since I am working at Church I cant focus on my kids.  So DH stays in the nursery with them and he is NEVER out of our sight.  This past Sunday DH got called into overtime so a lady we trust at the Church stayed with my son.  Pretty much word has gotten around the Church about what happened......even though the Pastor never addressed it.......and a lot of people are keeping an eye out now for my son.  It is amazing what we have seen though.  The male adult and his daughter are ALWAYS in the nursery........my DH said the little girl hits everyone and hard and when they try to stop her she screams and refuses to apologize.  The Dad yelled at my son the other week and I stepped in.  So pretty much my son is always with us at Church and he feels safe again.  We are still working on some of his anger though but he seems to be handling it..........he does get super anxious when they walk by..........but we are always with him.  Thanks for asking me about it :)

Oh and the reason I make sure to do so many play dates is because my son is delayed with speech and I was encouraged to get him around kids his own age as much as I can.  It is an hour round trip and we try to go 2-3 times a week.  It is super stressful but he LOVES it.  He has made really great friends and talks about them all week.  Plus his speech has already improved a lot by being with the other kids.  I also think it is good for him since he is so bullied in the Church nursery to be around kids who are his friends.

Quoting 2rays0fsun:

I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed! Sometimes I think we as moms tend to take on way too much (work, household, kids, cooking, wifely duties - lol). And not enough time for ourselves to just BE and have some peaceful relaxation! Is there any way you can get up early and run? Can you afford a treadmill and run in the house while the kids are there? (I do that). I know it sounds crazy trying to fit even more in your schedule (working out) but oddly enough it helps u relax, clear your mind, and release stress. So less likely to snap. Also is driving to socialize several times a week really necessary? Like almost hour round trip? my older DD didn't do many playdates until she went to preK at 4. Now she's very social and does great with classmates in K. In fact her teacher compliments her as one of the class leaders :) So maybe cut down on some playdates to save time (and sanity lol)?

Also sorry to ask, but I think you posted in the past about your son being traumatized at church? I was wondering how that went and was he able to move past that.


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