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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

25 marriage tips (good read)

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I've recently come across a blog/site that I really like called To Love, Honor, & Vacuum!   The woman that writes it is an author and apparently writes a column for a newspaper somewhere in Cananda too.   Anyway, she has some pretty good ideas and thought this was worth sharing.  These are tips for women AND men.

WHICH ARE YOUR FAVORITES?   Do you agree or disagree with these?

Quote: http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2010/05/25-marriage-tips/

With June, the wedding month, peeking around the corner at us, I thought it was time to present you with twenty-five tips for a successful marriage, to help a wife make her husband happy, and a husband make a wife happy. And so, in no particular order, here is my accumulated wisdom, little as it may be:

1. Talk to your spouse more kindly than you talk to anyone else in the world. Too often we speak the most harshly to those closest to us.

2. Remember that marriage is less about marrying the right person and more about becoming the right person.

3. Don’t forget to laugh. Most couples spend the majority of their time talking logistics: who’s doing the grocery shopping, who’s calling the repairman, who’s picking up the kids. A relationship can’t survive on logistics. Have a water fight instead.

4. She needs you to be her best friend. Everyday, talk to her and tell her what you’re thinking. Even if you don’t think you’re thinking about anything. She needs to hear your heart.

5. He needs you to be his cheerleader. Let him know you believe he can take on the world.

6. Find ways to say “I love you” that don’t involve sex.

7. When you dress up, make sure the main person you’re dressing up for is him. And put on lipstick.

8. Leave the toilet seat down.

9. Forgiving means not bringing that old infraction up every time you have a new fight. Let it go.

10. If it’s not solved at 2:30 a.m., it’s not going to be solved at 3:00 a.m. either. Go to sleep. You can deal with it tomorrow, assuming you even remember what the fight was about.

11. When you’re having an argument, listen to understand, don’t listen to find loopholes so you can win. Marriage is either a win/win or a lose/lose. You can’t win by beating someone else down.

12. Your kids come second, not first. Your marriage needs to be number one. Your spouse was there before the kids and will be there after the kids move out. Work on that relationship first.

13. If you haven’t fully committed to your marriage, it won’t succeed. If you’re always testing your spouse, your spouse will always come up short. No one is perfect.

14. You will never drift together. People only ever drift apart. If you want to grow closer, you have to be intentional about it.

15. Let her cry. She needs to every now and then.

16. Don’t bug him if he doesn’t cry. Some men just don’t show their feelings. That’s why they’re men.

17. Don’t say everything that’s on your mind. More marriages would survive if more things went unsaid.

18. Let her be your every fantasy. Keep your eyeballs off everyone else.

19. Let him be your every fantasy. Keep your eyeballs off romance novels.

20. Don’t think he’s gross if he farts. Don’t think she’s pathetic if she obsesses over paint colours. You married someone of the opposite gender. That’s what life is about.

21. Don’t run to your mom if your spouse does something you don’t like. You’re a unit now. Act like it.

22. Make one of your favourite topics of conversation how much you admire your spouse. Tell your kids. Tell your friends. And let your spouse hear.

23. Men would be ecstatic if women showed up naked and brought food. Most women need more than that. Men, make it your goal in life to figure her out. Woo her. She’s worth it.

24. Say yes far more frequently than you say no.

And finally, for you women:

25. Every now and then, jump him.

And may you all live happily ever after.


by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 9:44 AM
Replies (11-20):
babie113
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:22 AM
Love it im sending it to dh ....
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MamatoKy
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:23 AM

 Ok, this is where I have to disagree with you.

I totally understand not letting your marraige slip to raise kids.

But scenario for you.

your kid is sick and in the hospital. but hubby is horny, and wants to have sex.

what do you do.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna go home and get my freak on with my husband when my child is in the hospital. That is where my kids come frist.

Hubby can wait.

*I dont want to hear there are exceptions. Because there is no exceptions when it comes to your child(ren). and that is my opinion.

Quoting CjEmmemommy:

These are great! 12 is a100% correct.
Its isnt about who gets the most time with you or who you love more. You arent negecting your children if you put your husband and marriage first, I think its the opposite actually.
Not letting your marriage slip to the back burner for 20+ years while you raise children will show them so much and your a fool if you think there will be anything to come back to after they move out (you will likely have lose yourself and who your spouse is over that time). Having a strong, intentional, solid marriage where you and your spouse are front will give your kids so much more than making them your sole focus.
You need you time, he needs him time and you need togetherness in every sense of the word to be he best most effective parents. To be a unit that your children can respect.

 

MamatoKy
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:24 AM

 

Quoting sew4fun:

I do not 100% agree with 12 either.  My kids come first 99% of the time. NOW before you bash me there are times , when you just have to put on a movie or put the kiddos to bed and love on hubby.

 exactly. i totally agree with this!

MamatoKy
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:26 AM
1 mom liked this

 This!! =)

And you and him chose to have kids (whether it was a planned or suprise pregnancy) there is like an unspoken rule that once you have kids, you must raise them into healthy independant smart adults for them to go out and start a life of their own. 

like another poster said, there are times where putting the kids to bed and loving on hubby is necessary or whatever. but i would never put a man before my kids.

Quoting IansMommy2012:

i agree .. even as much as it might make sense that your marriage did come first and will be there last .. i dont care .. my kids come first .. my dh even agreed to that .. 

Quoting MamatoKy:

 12, i do not agree with. Not at all, not even a lil bit. My kids come first, not second. Just because he was there before and will be there after, they are you children, your own flesh and blood. Him....hes just the guy you "fell in love with" and had children with.

kids come frist. no man will ever come frist in my life.

 

 

rnmom4lif
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:28 AM
2 moms liked this

this! the rest of it is a great advice but i defaintly disagree with number 12. i love my husband to death and would do just about anything for him but if i had to choose between him or my kids it would be my kids everytime!

Quoting MamatoKy:

 12, i do not agree with. Not at all, not even a lil bit. My kids come first, not second. Just because he was there before and will be there after, they are you children, your own flesh and blood. Him....hes just the guy you "fell in love with" and had children with.

kids come frist. no man will ever come frist in my life.


Santina25
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:28 AM
I love these :)
I agree with all of them!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CjEmmemommy
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:31 AM
1 mom liked this
That is stupid!!!
Like I said its not about who gets the most time with you (we all understand kids will be a main focus for a long time by nature) or who you love more (I think its confused that you have to pick hung or the kids and you don't. Its different but equally important) its about making sure your marriage is solid before, during and after kids.
For argument sake I will answer. If my child was sick we would be with him. I didn't marry a man so selfish that would even be a question..
My children are my whole world, I love them in so many unbelievable ways and I choose my husband. I have a bond with him that matters and shows my kids something worth seeing. They will know I love them, they will know he does and they will know we love each other! They will see a healthy marriage where people aren't left behind and a family unit where everyone is abundantly loved and respected (needed)


Quoting MamatoKy:

 Ok, this is where I have to disagree with you.


I totally understand not letting your marraige slip to raise kids.


But scenario for you.


your kid is sick and in the hospital. but hubby is horny, and wants to have sex.


what do you do.


I'll be damned if I'm gonna go home and get my freak on with my husband when my child is in the hospital. That is where my kids come frist.


Hubby can wait.


*I dont want to hear there are exceptions. Because there is no exceptions when it comes to your child(ren). and that is my opinion.


Quoting CjEmmemommy:

These are great! 12 is a100% correct.
Its isnt about who gets the most time with you or who you love more. You arent negecting your children if you put your husband and marriage first, I think its the opposite actually.
Not letting your marriage slip to the back burner for 20+ years while you raise children will show them so much and your a fool if you think there will be anything to come back to after they move out (you will likely have lose yourself and who your spouse is over that time). Having a strong, intentional, solid marriage where you and your spouse are front will give your kids so much more than making them your sole focus.
You need you time, he needs him time and you need togetherness in every sense of the word to be he best most effective parents. To be a unit that your children can respect.

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
JennPearce
by Jenn! on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:35 AM
I like #1!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MamatoKy
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:36 AM

 It's not stupid. What if it was his only night off for 10 weeks and he was leaving the state for 9 of those weeks! And you were having surgery the day he comes back, and couldnt have sex for 3 to 4 weeks. lol sh*t happens, and things tend to work out for some people in the worst ways...lol. One of those "just saying" it COULD happen, it probably wont, but its always a strange possibilty kwim?

I understand you didnt marry a selfish man, and most likely, he'll be there by your childs side as well.

But anything could happen. As impossible or crazy as it sounds it could happen.

I'd rather raise my children right, teach them lessons and values and morals. but that is just me. I'd want my husband by my side, but I def dont think your kids should come after your husband.

just my opinion. no need for saying it stupid.

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, some of them stink worst than others. =)

Quoting CjEmmemommy:

That is stupid!!!
Like I said its not about how gets the most time with you or who you love more its about making sure your marriage is solid before, during and after kids.
For argument sake I will answer. If my child was sick we would be with him. I didn't marry a man so selfish that that would ever be a choice.
My children are my while world I love them in so many unbelievable ways and I choose my husband. I have a bond with him that matters and shows my kids something worth seeing. They will know I love them, they will know he does and they will know we love each other! They will see a healthy marriage where people aren't left behind and a family unit where everyone is abundantly loved and respected (needed)


Quoting MamatoKy:

 Ok, this is where I have to disagree with you.


I totally understand not letting your marraige slip to raise kids.


But scenario for you.


your kid is sick and in the hospital. but hubby is horny, and wants to have sex.


what do you do.


I'll be damned if I'm gonna go home and get my freak on with my husband when my child is in the hospital. That is where my kids come frist.


Hubby can wait.


*I dont want to hear there are exceptions. Because there is no exceptions when it comes to your child(ren). and that is my opinion.


Quoting CjEmmemommy:

These are great! 12 is a100% correct.
Its isnt about who gets the most time with you or who you love more. You arent negecting your children if you put your husband and marriage first, I think its the opposite actually.
Not letting your marriage slip to the back burner for 20+ years while you raise children will show them so much and your a fool if you think there will be anything to come back to after they move out (you will likely have lose yourself and who your spouse is over that time). Having a strong, intentional, solid marriage where you and your spouse are front will give your kids so much more than making them your sole focus.
You need you time, he needs him time and you need togetherness in every sense of the word to be he best most effective parents. To be a unit that your children can respect.

 

 

MamatoKy
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:38 AM

 =) yup. Never. I would never choose anyone over my kids.

Quoting rnmom4lif:

this! the rest of it is a great advice but i defaintly disagree with number 12. i love my husband to death and would do just about anything for him but if i had to choose between him or my kids it would be my kids everytime!

Quoting MamatoKy:

 12, i do not agree with. Not at all, not even a lil bit. My kids come first, not second. Just because he was there before and will be there after, they are you children, your own flesh and blood. Him....hes just the guy you "fell in love with" and had children with.

kids come frist. no man will ever come frist in my life.

 

 

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