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Venting and don't know how to settle house trouble with DH

Posted by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:55 AM
  • 4 Replies

 This is probably a disorganized venting mess but.,.....Do you know what it's like to marry somebody because you are totally in love? I did that. I moved into his house because HE is the best, and I want to be his wife for the rest of my life. The problem right now is the house hasn't worked out for me and my teen daughter. You can't go to the bathroom without everybody knowing what's going on. The house is too small for four of us living there and we have no guest room for our grown kids to come back. Christmas was claustrophobic for me with 12 people in our living room that seats 4 or 5. The neighborhood is also going downhill, most of the people are unemployed by choice, it's a main road in town, and there is drug activity the street behind us. He bought it because he wanted to downsize his debt. Before this marriage I lived in a nice subdivision.

He tells me we can move but he is on the school board and would like to hand his son his diploma next May and would like to stay in his district to do so. I am fine with staying in this house until then, but if something comes available in his district we could move now, so we do look around. HE is the one that keeps looking for something to move into right now!! The problem I am having is nothing seems to suit him and I feel like he is leading me on and making excuses to stay here. He is making me crazy because one day he will tell me sweetly he will do anything to make me happy, then the next day he throws his hands up and says he will just quit the school board, blah blah.... and I'm not even pushing to move right now! I am ashamed I seem to be a snob about where I live. I've always been a middle class working girl. I just truly love him but don't understand why, if we can afford better, he wants to stay here. Do I let him quit the school board after his son graduates to make me happy if we can't find a house in his district? I've never put myself first like that.

by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:55 AM
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by on May. 3, 2012 at 2:12 PM

I have no advice.  I don't think you're a snob... you just want the best you can afford to get.

by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:23 PM

I don't think you are being selfish. How much bigger of a house are you looking for? How old is your daughter? And is his son going away to school after he graduates? I only ask those questions because a lot of people want to downsize when the kids go away to school. I would definitely want to be happy and feel safe where I am living, but if it is going to be just you two soon, you probably don't need a huge house. Although, my dad and stepmom live in a 5,000 sq ft house and it's just the two of them. I suppose it isn't always about what you need, sometimes it's about what you want.

Maybe he is getting overwhelmed because he wants to make you happy (with a new house) and feels like he isn't finding anything that meets everyones needs. He might not be getting upset because he feels like you are pressuring him, but because he is frustrated that he can't find something that will make everyone happy.

by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:34 PM

hmmm sounds like there is bigger issue at work, i dont think it has anything to do with the houses your looking at , sounds like its affecting something more personal

once you figure out what that is you should be ok

but your gonna have to talk to him

by Member on May. 8, 2012 at 10:00 AM

Thanks ladies, we talked again and I'm finding he gets frustrated when we don't see anything but after that wears off he is back to saying we can move anywhere and do anything, he would just like to at least stay on school board until his son graduates next May. I think he really is trying to please me, I'm just not used to a man doing that and it's hard for me to trust. I'll try to be patient!

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