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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Wanting to move in

Posted by on May. 3, 2012 at 2:05 PM
  • 5 Replies

My BF and I have been dating just over a year and a half.  We're both older (in our 30's).  I have a DD 6 yrs, he has full custody of his DD 8 yrs old.  They get along great.  We were both college students, which is where we met, so for financial reasons he lives with his parents and I live with mine, but we live an hour apart from each other.  He graduated last December and went to work.  I transferred to a University and have another year of school left.  We want to move in together this summer so the girls can start school in the fall.

We used to see each other every day when we went to the same school.  Now, with him working 2nd shift, and me going to school during the day, with the demands of our kids, we see each other onlyl a couple hours on Sundays.  (His work makes him work Saturdays... every Saturday but one since the beginning of the year and he asked for it off so he could walk in his graduation ceremony).

I miss him so much.  My fear is that we'll grow apart.  It is so hard to have a relationship with someone when you only see them a couple hours on one day out of the week.  And I so desperately want to move in with him this summer so we can spend more time together. 

He can't get approved for a mortgage because he's only been working since February (not enough time on his current job).  He wants to stay in the same school district that his duaghter is in.  I don't mind moving my daughter so much, she's only been going to the school she's in now for one year (kindergarten) so moving her won't be as traumatic as moving his daughter, who has gone to that school for three years.

We can't find a place in the school dristric where he wants to live.  His daughter has a lab and no place allows pets.  Its a smaller-community and places are hard to come by anyway.  I'm growing very very frustrated with the whole process.

Why won't he consider moving to another school district?  Does it matter as long as we're together in the end?  I'm SO frustrated.  And he gets upset with me when I tell him I want to look in another school district.  Any advice on how I can handle it?  I mean, I respect his decision - where he's at now is a good town and good school.  But there are others out there, ya know?  I'm so upset about it that I just want to scream.  I want to enroll my daughter in a fall sport but don't want to commit to something where we are only to move this summer... but I don't want her to miss out on an opportunity if we don't end up finding a place together.  Plus, I need a part-time job while I'm finishing my last year at school - because we live so far apart, I don't know which town to apply to!

Ugh.

by on May. 3, 2012 at 2:05 PM
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Replies (1-5):
bookworm14
by Mandy on May. 3, 2012 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this
I understand where your coming from. I had to deal with some of this myself, as far as the separation. How close are the other areas to the school district he wants? Would it be feasible to find a place outside the district & do school of choice to that one? Maybe you can find a rental that allows pets, since he can't get a mortgage. Good luck to ya, it may seem hard to get through now but it'll be so worth it when things work out for you to be together.
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AustinsMommy860
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:38 PM

My fiance and I have lived together for 3 years... he works 2nd shift, I work 1st. The only time we see each other is Monday nights after I get out of work (he has Mondays off). So I totally get where you are coming from on that.

It worries me that your bf won't even consider another school district. His daughter is young enough that she could easily adjust and make new friends. I understand changing schools can be hard at first but I think he is being stubborn for not even considering looking outside that area. This is going to sound crazy and I wouldn't want to do this but would you and your daughter be able to live with him at his parents for a little while to make sure it is going to work out? Maybe he is afraid of moving his daughter out of her school because if it doesn't work out between you two, he will have to move her again when he goes back to his parents.

deeds99
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:06 PM

I appreciate your suggestion.  His mom is insane over-the-top crazy and there is no way I will live there.  She's controlling and most of the time doesn't let BF decide how to raise his daughter; it's her way or she threatens to kick them out.  Plus, she  just adopted four kids (ages 9, 7, 5 and 2) so their house is really full already.  BF and his daughter are currently sharing a room, which I completely and totally disagree with on SO many levels - but, nothing I can do about that.

Any way, if after a couple more weeks, I'll discuss the school district issue with him again.  And its not fair that I have to move my daughter to a completely different school district and then if it doesn't work out, move her back.  If I'm willing to take the risk, so should he.  That's just how I feel.  Maybe he's scared, I dunno.  He says he's ready to move in together - but actions speak louder than words, ey?

How do you guys make it work not seeing each other?  I'm the type of person that likes quality time together and not seeing him makes me so crazy and sad.

windsails
by on May. 3, 2012 at 9:19 PM

it sounds like that is what he WANTS to do but is not willing to do the WORK to make it happen...he wants you to do all the changing and come to his town and move YOUR daughter, he is being unreasonable in not even considering moviung elsewhere, when a man is really in love, he will move heaven and earth to be with his woman....he is sitting back and letting you do all the stressing, also keep in mind he's got his mom in his ear all the tome telling him not to move his dauhgter which opens up a whole new can of worms concerning her, he doesn't see it, but it would be best for him to get away from her asap, i guarantee his mother is a central role player in this

deeds99
by on May. 4, 2012 at 7:18 AM

oh yeah, i totally agree.  He does anything and everything his mom says - its so frustrating to me.  I can't help but think that the reason we can't find anything in that school district is because God has better plans for us.  I KNOW moving away from his mother would make our relationship so much better, but he just can't see it.

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