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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

dh treats me like im a pos

And I don't know what to do anymore.

We've talked about it so many times. We come up with plans, agreements, rules we've even signed papers but nothing works. I give him ideas to help his anger and open up to me and nothing.

Right now he's mad at me (I have literally no clue why) he won't talk to me (I begged him to and he literally ignored me acting like I wasn't next to him), won't sleep with me and once again said he wants a divorce. Now he's gonna treat me like crap for days on end till finally he wants sex then apologize and start all over.

I can't take the pain anymore. Literally right now I feel dead inside. I dream of crying and someone comes in and holds me. I told him that last night and he said I deserve that.

But instead I'm crying alone. Again.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:51 AM
Replies (11-20):
2rays0fsun
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:03 AM
2 moms liked this

He sounds like he has a manipulative and controlling personality. You really shouldn't put up with it because you're allowing him to continue in the cycle. You need to stop crying and reacting to his behaviors. If he's being an @ss keep going about your day like usual. Don't allow him to dictate whether you'll have a good day or a bad one - that's exactly what he's getting off on. I think if he's not willing to work on *his* behavior issues then you should think about leaving. This type of realtionship isn't healthy :(

Dimples04
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:05 AM
3 moms liked this
I work in a Domestic Violence shelter and if you or someone you know is being abused you need to get help.  ALSO REMEMBER THAT YOUR COMPUTER CAN TELL YOUR ABUSER YOUR PLANS, PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND DELETE ALL INFORMATION THAT YOU LOOK UP IN REFERENCE TO LEAVING OR GETTING HELP.  Violence doesn't know any discrimination.  If you or someone you know needs help PLEASE call the National domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) whoever answers the line can direct you to a local shelter or answer any questions you may have.  Any Shelter is there to help women and child (and some also help male victims) get the counseling and any other help that they need to get through the difficult time.  Abuse can be Emotional abuse (name calling, putting someone down, or controlling who/what they see or do), Physical Abuse (hitting, kicking, biting, anything that causes physical pain), Sexual abuse (can also be from a spouse or otherwise intimate partner when it is a unwanted occurance.)  Leaving your partner is the most dangerous time, wait until he/she is gone and then pack whatever you will need and just leave.   Good Luck and Don't forget that help is never more than a phone call away 24 / 7 / 365.

* To delete your history:  go to control panel, internet options, delete cookies, delete files, delete history.  EVERYTIME!!  
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

·Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
·Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
·Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
·Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
·Does not want you to work.
·Controls finances or refuses to share money.
·Punishes you by withholding affection.
·Expects you to ask permission.
·Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
·Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
·Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
·Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or Strangled you.
·Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
·Scared you by driving recklessly.
·Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
·Forced you to leave your home.
·Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
·Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
·Hurt your children.
·Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
·Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
·Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
·Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
·Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
·Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
·Held you down during sex.
·Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
·Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
·Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
·Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
Quoting baby2zacharias:

And I don't know what to do anymore.



We've talked about it so many times. We come up with plans, agreements, rules we've even signed papers but nothing works. I give him ideas to help his anger and open up to me and nothing.



Right now he's mad at me (I have literally no clue why) he won't talk to me (I begged him to and he literally ignored me acting like I wasn't next to him), won't sleep with me and once again said he wants a divorce. Now he's gonna treat me like crap for days on end till finally he wants sex then apologize and start all over.



I can't take the pain anymore. Literally right now I feel dead inside. I dream of crying and someone comes in and holds me. I told him that last night and he said I deserve that.



But instead I'm crying alone. Again.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
eastcoastmama11
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:12 AM
I'm sorry, I know how hard it is.

My ex was that way. I remember a time when I bumped his foot under the table while I was crossing my legs and he flipped! Went off for 30 minutes about how I don't pay attention to anything, or have consideration for anyone but myself blah blah blah. Then he ignored me for two days until he was ready to act like nothing happened.
If u wanted to actually talk about it, forget it. I would be sitting there sobbing and he would pay no attention. Or give me a "wht are you so upset about? ".

We had many fights over this. Id be going on about why it's not okay to call me a stupid bitch, or a cunt and he would say "well what, do you just want to get a divorce then?! "

Finally I said yes. And good luck finding a woman who will put up with that shit forever.

Honey ... not all men are like that. You don't deserve it. If he keeps this up and continues bringing divorce up, I'd give it to him.

*hugs*

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
RockstarMom86
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Nothing will help HIM unless HE wants to get help! Sounds like it's time for you to move on, not fair for you to feel "dead inside". Maybe he's fighting with himself inside and taking it out on you.

Take a break from each other? I know easier said than done, but maybe one of you can go stay with family or friends for a while.....then go from there?


Good luck hope everything get's better for you : )

Cheribomb
by Member on May. 6, 2012 at 10:15 AM

are you sure he is mad at you?? not just ignoring ?  when my hubs is crabby he just ignores everyone & kind of seems like he is pissed at us but really he isn't . i just leave him alone for a few hours & let him do his own thing.  let him work through his funk.  

nverheyn2011
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:25 AM

You're not alone. You got us. if DH keeps treating you like you're a lesser being than him, then imo it's time to get rid of him. I'm eating my own advice because my dh treats me like a pos too, but he refuses to get a divorce (i've mentioned it because he just makes me so unhappy at times).

mehamil1
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Sweetie, he is emotionally abusing you and none of it is your fault! He would act like this regardless of who he's in a relationship with. You need to get out. There is no change that you alone can accomplish because it is not yours to change!! 

sandra1023
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:47 AM

You can't change his behavior, you can only change what you are willing to put up with.

Krysden
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2012 at 11:01 AM

It sounds like he hasn't changed his behavior because he knows there are no real consequences.   It seems controlling to me as well.  If you both want things to work then he needs to get help for his issues.   You have a higher obligation here.   It's not just you, it's your kids as well (assuming since you are a cafemom member that you have children)  They are watching you & him together.   You are both teaching them what a marriage should be.... how men and women should be treated by each other.    Good Luck whatever you come up with.

Mommy2BeAmy
by on May. 6, 2012 at 11:06 AM

My husband has a smiliar problem like this..he gets mad often, lots of stresses are on his mind though like business, his family back in Bahrain, and so on..sometimes if one thing doesnt go right, he hardly talks and will say something not so nice...when we get into a heated argument he will curse me, and I dont believe in cursing back at my husband...but I tell him, "I am your wife, you know what you're doing is wrong--you wont ever talk like this infront of people but you will when we are alone.." and since I told him like this he stopped..he keeps quiet, I find holding his hand or being affectionate really helps him. But my husband NEVER slept away from me, infact when hes mad Ill go downstairs to sleep and he will come and get me and bring me upstairs, and no sex but he doesnt believe ever should we sleep without eachother.

Every man has his quirks, maybe he has a lot of stress, and you should hold his hand when you're alone and ask him if something bothering him..show him the attention you want and that may change him..yelling at him or talking back only gets them angrier..so I suggest also crying infront of him, dont let him leave the room (be secluded) and pour your heart out to him how bad he hurts you (be dramatic) this has also worked for me, and my husband never really shouted on me after that..I know what you're going through, never signed papers or drew up contracts, but sometimes you need to talk and keep talking till he gets it...

And dont draw contracts like divorced people, really see if he has stresses maybe he is locking inside of him..this worked for me.

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