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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

dh treats me like im a pos

And I don't know what to do anymore.

We've talked about it so many times. We come up with plans, agreements, rules we've even signed papers but nothing works. I give him ideas to help his anger and open up to me and nothing.

Right now he's mad at me (I have literally no clue why) he won't talk to me (I begged him to and he literally ignored me acting like I wasn't next to him), won't sleep with me and once again said he wants a divorce. Now he's gonna treat me like crap for days on end till finally he wants sex then apologize and start all over.

I can't take the pain anymore. Literally right now I feel dead inside. I dream of crying and someone comes in and holds me. I told him that last night and he said I deserve that.

But instead I'm crying alone. Again.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:51 AM
Replies (41-50):
Refurbished
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:06 PM

THIS.  Don't base your self worth on whether or not a man is there to validate it.  The lonliest years of my life were when I was married.  Being single really is okay.

Quoting maidjillian:

Oh, please don't worry about no one ever wanting you... that should not be your priority.  YOU have to want to be with you. Once you love yourself and have self confidence, you will attract the right sort of man.

My mom had 2 kids by 2 dads (me and my sis) and still managed to marry our current step dad 30 years ago.  It can happen.  But it WON'T happen if you stay where you are and you don't learn to love yourself.  And you know what?  Being single is OKAY.



Jennifer_57
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Its a game, and he'll keep playing it until you send for divorce papers before he's even done saying it. Stop breaking down, stop letting it affect you, ITS A MIND GAME. Don't cry, go to get the divorce papers and tell him, ignore him and just tell yourself "I don't need to be upset by this stupid crap" and at least pretend to be ohk until away from him. It's not very easy to threaten divorce when you see your wife is fed up with your crap and is suddenly emotionless about the idea and words
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
grneyez132
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I go through this also. I recently threw him out for the second time and I don't think I will be taking him back this time. He has gone off the deep end and become someone I don't even know anymore. You have to ask yourself is it going to change? Will it be better this time? If the answer is no, honey, do yourself a favor and let him go. Don't stay miserable just to be with him. It's not worth it.

fostermomoftwo
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:26 PM

all i kept thinking to myself is that i should rent my dh out for a day! u would then see how a man really is..

i would leave his butt behind, but thats just me :)

GL hun

grneyez132
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:29 PM


Quoting Refurbished:

THIS.  Don't base your self worth on whether or not a man is there to validate it.  The lonliest years of my life were when I was married.  Being single really is okay.

Quoting maidjillian:

Oh, please don't worry about no one ever wanting you... that should not be your priority.  YOU have to want to be with you. Once you love yourself and have self confidence, you will attract the right sort of man.

My mom had 2 kids by 2 dads (me and my sis) and still managed to marry our current step dad 30 years ago.  It can happen.  But it WON'T happen if you stay where you are and you don't learn to love yourself.  And you know what?  Being single is OKAY.


 

I need to listen to this advice also. I am terrified to be alone but I took the first step and told him to leave. So now I'm trying to deal with being with just me. It's a learning process and takes time but I know I am going to be alright. Thanks for this ladies.

paknari
by on May. 6, 2012 at 12:30 PM
I would say if he won't do counseling to deal with his childish behavior you should leave him. He has to know you are serious.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Chelsey191
by Member on May. 6, 2012 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe try marriage counselling other wise you may have to move on. SO used to be like that, would only pay attention to me and be sweet when he wanted sex. Then after nothing, it was like I didnt exist. So I just didnt have sex with him for a long as time. I flat out told him why and I didnt care if he got mad or what ever. It straightened him out pretty good. Now he knows he best be sweet to me before and after or he will have to suffer without sex for god only knows how long. Perhaps he needs a good dose of his own medicine so he realizes what you feel like when he treats you that way.

Refurbished
by on May. 6, 2012 at 1:21 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting grneyez132:


Quoting Refurbished:

THIS.  Don't base your self worth on whether or not a man is there to validate it.  The lonliest years of my life were when I was married.  Being single really is okay.

Quoting maidjillian:

Oh, please don't worry about no one ever wanting you... that should not be your priority.  YOU have to want to be with you. Once you love yourself and have self confidence, you will attract the right sort of man.

My mom had 2 kids by 2 dads (me and my sis) and still managed to marry our current step dad 30 years ago.  It can happen.  But it WON'T happen if you stay where you are and you don't learn to love yourself.  And you know what?  Being single is OKAY.



I need to listen to this advice also. I am terrified to be alone but I took the first step and told him to leave. So now I'm trying to deal with being with just me. It's a learning process and takes time but I know I am going to be alright. Thanks for this ladies.

I felt the same way and stayed way too long as a result.  When we first separated, I applied for a job.  The job application asked what my hobbies were.  I sat there scratching my head, not knowing what to put down.  I'd spent the last 8 years of my life focused on doing whatever it took to keep his butt from pouting and sulking.  I had no hobbies, no life, and didn't even know what it meant to do anything but try to keep him from being a jerk. And that's the moment I decided my life was my own, and I was going to live it.

At first I really wanted to get into another relationship but I decided to take some time and find myself.  I finished my degree, which is great thing to do because if you pick a major you love, you find yourself surrounded by like-minded people. 

I drove from coast to coast and back again with my kids just for fun.  We stopped at the silliest of places just to take pictures.  I got botox.  I snorkled with sharks. I started writing a book.  I bought season passes to theme parks and visited so much the employees knew mine and my kids' names.  I went to a No Doubt concert.   I caught up with old friends that my relationship put a damper on.  I started running and fishing with my son.

And now when a guy expresses interest in me, I suddenly get the urge to run.  Like, physically run.  I never want to go back there.  EVER.  I'm having too much fun.

demlilkit
by on May. 6, 2012 at 1:25 PM

When my man was angry like that I just let him be when he wanted to talk i let him I didnt pressure him into anything just made him worse.

GE1
by on May. 6, 2012 at 1:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Sure why not! I double like it too LOL. Seriously speaking it's true. You are worth a hell of a lot more than he is treating you. I am sure you will find someone one day who will treat you like a queen and will make you happy. I was married 15yrs to a jerk and finally got out. I have remarried my soul mate since and we now have a beautiful 4 month old together

Quoting Ichthus:

Can I double "like" this?

Quoting CadensMommy813:

If he wants a divorce, I would give it to him. If he's making you feel this bad then why continue to be with a person like that? There are PLENTY of men that would love to have the chance to be with YOU! Never forget that! You are worth more than this bullshit that your husband is putting you through. We only get one life, you have to live the life you want, instead of wishing your husband will change. Because he is making it pretty clear he doesn't want to change.



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