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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

job = conflicted , help

Posted by on May. 6, 2012 at 8:04 PM
  • 11 Replies

outsider perspective greatly appreciated

i've been a nanny for a awesome lil man for the last 2.5 years, through out that we have had a number of issues but nothing that would make me leave i just sucked it up

they have bended around my school schedule an are nice people , i graduate in december

but my fall schedule would mean another bend in the schedule an another pay cut which has really hurt our savings for baby - we plan to ttc at the end of the year

here are the issues 

they dont really respect my professional opinion (getting degree in early childhood)

when their son started walking i begged for a baby gate on the stairs an never got one

as soon as he turned 2 , we had to start potty training even though he wasnt ready an have tried 3 times unsuccessfully because they wont support me by staying home on weekends to help the process 

she pushes him way to hard , she asked me about getting him a adding an subtracting book an a stencil to help him write his name, when i said that was a 5 year old milestone she ignored me an did it anyways, hes not ready for these things

on the off chance that i forgot my diaper trash can duty -they refused to get a diaper genie- or in the whole time ive worked for them i was late once after being with them a year, you would have thought i had been late alot "im going to be late because your late an you cant be late i depend on you nicole ok do you get it" DAD WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE DIDNT HAVE ANYWHERE TO BE , i was 6 mins late

OK HERES MY DILEMA

i feel guilty for leaving an feel like maybe i should offer her the chance to keep me

but at the same time i really just want to leave , i dont want to stay an have a stressful pregnancy 

she wrote a AMAZING letter of recommendation (as part of a school thing for my portfolio)


but his parents stress me out with their over reactions, the way they push their son and the cases that have made me believe they dont always put their son first

- if dads out of town i have to come in early because she has to get her workout in

- she went away on a long business trip so i thought she'd get home an want to play an send me home NOPE she had to workout 

- they wont put aside their social calendar on weekends to support potty training

WHAT DO I DO , do i offer her a chance to keep me, or do i leave 

by on May. 6, 2012 at 8:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GaleJ
by on May. 6, 2012 at 8:20 PM

In your post you didn't mention how you felt about leaving the child and that, in my opinion, would be the most important issue in the decision to leave or not. As to a stressful pregnancy, why are you so extremely stressed by their behavior? The child is theirs and so the decisions as to how to raise him must also be theirs. The fact that you are studying early childhood may, or may not, give you some insight but it doesn't mean they agree with your beliefs. They are paying you to be their child's nanny and as their employee that is what is expected of you, why is it your place to decide when they should go out or what they should do in regards to their son? As to the "being late" incident, if that is not the norm and they normally treat you well and are basically reasonable and respectful you just have to let it go. Perhaps punctuality is a pet peeve of hers, or she was having a bad day, or she was just anxious to leave, who knows. It sounds as though they have been, overall, rather nice employers and believe me that is not always the case.

nicole2884
by on May. 6, 2012 at 8:25 PM

i would be really sad to leave him an i know parenting styles will differ, but the two main kickers are the pay cut and an the need to finish school an the conflicts in schedules again, which is so nice of them but im not sure they can bend anymore an thats really not fair of me to ask that of them to 

you know


Quoting GaleJ:

In your post you didn't mention how you felt about leaving the child and that, in my opinion, would be the most important issue in the decision to leave or not. As to a stressful pregnancy, why are you so extremely stressed by their behavior? The child is theirs and so the decisions as to how to raise him must also be theirs. The fact that you are studying early childhood may, or may not, give you some insight but it doesn't mean they agree with your beliefs. They are pay As to the "being late" incident, if that is not the norm and they normally treat you well and are basically reasonable and respectful you just have to let it go. Perhaps punctuality is a pet peeve of hers, or she was having a bad day, or she was just anxious to leave, who knows. It sounds as though they have been, overall, rather nice employers and believe me that is not always the case.


nicole2884
by on May. 6, 2012 at 8:30 PM


Quoting GaleJ:

In your post you didn't mention how you felt about leaving the child and that, in my opinion, would be the most important issue in the decision to leave or not. As to a stressful pregnancy, why are you so extremely stressed by their behavior? The child is theirs and so the decisions as to how to raise him must also be theirs. The fact that you are studying early childhood may, or may not, give you some insight but it doesn't mean they agree with your beliefs. They are paying you to be their child's nanny and as their employee that is what is expected of you, why is it your place to decide when they should go out or what they should do in regards to their son? As to the "being late" incident, if that is not the norm and they normally treat you well and are basically reasonable and respectful you just have to let it go. Perhaps punctuality is a pet peeve of hers, or she was having a bad day, or she was just anxious to leave, who knows. It sounds as though they have been, overall, rather nice employers and believe me that is not always the case.

in this case i need them to stay home all weekend to help potty training you can't just expect me to do it all week an then you dont do it, or if you do , they did it for 4 hours on a sunday , the lack of consistency is really hurting the learning process, children thrive on consistency 

MomToovey
by Marianne on May. 6, 2012 at 10:05 PM

 As stressful as it may be, he's their child so they make the decisions. You can continue to give your educated opinion, but at the end of the day, they choose what they want for their son, and that's their right. As their employee, you are expected to respect that. If their not listening to your advice stresses you out too much, then yes, maybe it is time to leave. After all, stress is never good for you, but it's even worse for baby. Don't put yourself in an uncomfortable position.

GaleJ
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:15 PM

I do understand but it simply isn't something you control. All you can do is your best within the parameters of the reality. If they complain as to the lack of success with the toileting then you can explain that it is hard to accomplish if they can't follow up on the weekend but other than that it is not appropriate to have any expectations of what they should do unless it is a matter of health, safety or welfare.

Quoting nicole2884:


that it isn't approp

Quoting GaleJ:

In your post you didn't mention how you felt about leaving the child and that, in my opinion, would be the most important issue in the decision to leave or not. As to a stressful pregnancy, why are you so extremely stressed by their behavior? The child is theirs and so the decisions as to how to raise him must also be theirs. The fact that you are studying early childhood may, or may not, give you some insight but it doesn't mean they agree with your beliefs. They are paying you to be their child's nanny and as their employee that is what is expected of you, why is it your place to decide when they should go out or what they should do in regards to their son? As to the "being late" incident, if that is not the norm and they normally treat you well and are basically reasonable and respectful you just have to let it go. Perhaps punctuality is a pet peeve of hers, or she was having a bad day, or she was just anxious to leave, who knows. It sounds as though they have been, overall, rather nice employers and believe me that is not always the case.

in this case i need them to stay home all weekend to help potty training you can't just expect me to do it all week an then you dont do it, or if you do , they did it for 4 hours on a sunday , the lack of consistency is really hurting the learning process, children thrive on consistency 


CameronsMommy23
by on May. 7, 2012 at 1:10 AM
Even though you're probably attached to the kid you have to do what's best for your life and sanity. You can find another family who is willing to listen to your suggestions at least and that is willing to be flexible with you. You may have to go through a few "bad apples" to find the best fit possible.

Maybe look for new employment and stay with them in the meantime til your schooling is over.
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Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 5:23 AM
1 mom liked this

If you need the money,stay,if not,go! I can understand your frustration.

diamondsetter
by on May. 7, 2012 at 5:48 AM
1 mom liked this
They pay you to do what they want done, so you can't control how they raise their son or interact with him because you are an employee to them. I would never be able to work with people like that! I think it'd be beneficial to you and the baby you are ttc soon not to continue working there.
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TJandKarasMom
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 6:05 AM

I've been there, I completely understand how you're feeling.  Honestly, I would leave.  If you feel bad, I would look for another job and then let them know you found another job now that you are graduating. 

Even though they pay you to do what they want and provide them a service, it's too hard to work for people that don't have the same views as you about the position.  It's hard enough to practically raise someone else's child, but to do it with them pulling against you is even harder (I did this for free for years with my stepdaughter, lol, finally her mother really did put herself first and left).  Nannying is rough when you don't have the same views, IMO.

I think you know what would be right for you/your family, and that's the decision you'll have to go with.  And that's a good enough reason to give them.  I also would consider giving them a 30 day notice since you have been with them so long, but be prepared for them to let you go sooner than that if they are upset with you for leaving.

Good luck

nicole2884
by on May. 7, 2012 at 6:44 AM

thanks for the  outside perspective , thats basically how i feel, i just feel so guilty , an want to make a rounded decision

Quoting TJandKarasMom:

I've been there, I completely understand how you're feeling.  Honestly, I would leave.  If you feel bad, I would look for another job and then let them know you found another job now that you are graduating. 

Even though they pay you to do what they want and provide them a service, it's too hard to work for people that don't have the same views as you about the position.  It's hard enough to practically raise someone else's child, but to do it with them pulling against you is even harder (I did this for free for years with my stepdaughter, lol, finally her mother really did put herself first and left).  Nannying is rough when you don't have the same views, IMO.

I think you know what would be right for you/your family, and that's the decision you'll have to go with.  And that's a good enough reason to give them.  I also would consider giving them a 30 day notice since you have been with them so long, but be prepared for them to let you go sooner than that if they are upset with you for leaving.

Good luck


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