Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

is it possible to...

Posted by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:42 AM
  • 13 Replies
"unhear" an unkind remark from you DH? We are under a lot of stress between my inability to work from a car accident (constant migraine, lack of concentration/comprehension) there is financial stress, caring for the children, housework I can't keep up with....I'm a wieght on my family instead of an asset right now. He's been great and way understanding for the past seven months....but today seemed to be a breaking pt for him and he mispoke(basically saying I wish you were the person/mother you used to be" and I shattered into a million pieces... He quickly backtracked and knelt down and seriously apologized that he didn't mean it the way it came out and the stress overcame him. He said he knew it wasn't my fault, he just wanted me better or at least an answer, but doc appts are so spread out. I cried, he cried b/c he upset me. I know he didn't mean it how he said it. He even came back in the room and said "I really didn't mean what I said" and I told him, that I knew that but let's not talk about it or I'll cry again." Ladies, it HURT! I do the best I can right now and I know my efforts are crappy I know he adores me, my 12 yr old knows there is a difference in me....I wish I could play and be more patient with tot....but the headaches and his squeals don't mix.
How do I "unhear" a cruel statement that was simply mispoken? I accept the apology whole hearted, he would never talk to me like that on purpose....but it was said, and it can't be unsaid. I can't sleep, now. That will make for a worse headache and an even less productive day. How do I let it go?
by on May. 8, 2012 at 12:42 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
CameronsMommy23
by on May. 8, 2012 at 1:25 AM
It sounds like he was genuinely sorry. He's probably just as stressed as you are because of the change in the family dynamic. Just reassure him often that you will work with him to get back to normalcy or as close as possible. Hang in there!!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bhow
by on May. 8, 2012 at 9:27 AM

Since he dropped to his knees right then and there he ment it and sounds to me like he feels pretty crappy about it.  I can understand what he ment by it too, and it did come out wrong.  He misses the old you...and so do you it's understandable.  Doesn't make it any easier.  Sorry.  Mine had no reason except his own inability to watch our daughter at one point and when she drove her little tiny trik off of the porch, while I WAS INSIDE cooking lunch...he screamed at me that I was a bad mother!  Has never apologized and claims he doesn't remember saying it.  Did I ever really get over it? No!  Because of they way he acted about the whole thing, that was 12 yrs ago and it hurts right how to admit he did it.

Forgive yours he deserves it and so do you.

sew4fun
by on May. 8, 2012 at 10:43 AM

It sounds like he really is stressed, and is really sorry . I can see how he may miss the way you used to be BUT it may not be meant in a mean or neg way. He knows you are hurting he prob wants you to be pain free again and happy. I can say this because I know hubby wishes I could be like I was prior to getting sick BUT it was becuase I was pain free ( well almost) and had energy!.

AmaliaD
by Member on May. 8, 2012 at 11:16 AM
2 moms liked this

you just deside to let it go.   

AmaliaD
by Member on May. 8, 2012 at 11:16 AM

or you take action and reach out for help - do you go to church or have neighborhood friends - could they take teh child so you get a break and can get stuff done or sleep?   you sound like you need to reach out and get (free $$)  help!!  

Mrs.Worthen
by on May. 8, 2012 at 11:17 AM
No, that's why they say to be careful what you say in the first place
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
stickyfingers
by on May. 8, 2012 at 11:25 AM
its a decision. u decide to let it go and everytime ur brain brings it back again u say to yourself "no im not going there again i forgive him"
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CrazyLife1996
by on May. 8, 2012 at 11:56 AM
2 moms liked this
Everyone says things they really don't mean. You just have to let it go and remember what type of man he is. That's how you let go.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomToovey
by Marianne on May. 8, 2012 at 3:06 PM

 My DH has said/done hurtful things to me in the past, but often times, I simply misunderstood and when we talked it out, I felt much better. When I didn't misunderstand, it usually became something we could laugh about later, and if not, we were always able to talk it out and fix the problem. That being said, yes, I have been able to "unhear" things he's said because the wound has been healed and I no longer think about it.

Since your husband seems to be genuinely sorry, I think that with time (no, I don't know how much time) you too will be able to heal, and before you know it, you'll "unhear" it.

I'm sorry momma, good luck

chloesmommy777
by on May. 8, 2012 at 5:10 PM

I think you already know that he didn't mean it the way it came out. A very insightful married marriage counselor had this motto, "Quit your stinkin' thinkin'--men often say things they don't mean that sound like insults to the filtering system of women's ears... so it's up to us to reframe them if and when they weren't meant the way they sounded..." It's still fresh, so give yourself and your husband both time and a break and realise the initial sting will pass. You're also overwhelmed and need to come up with a strategy to manage your stress... perhaps a sitter and a spa day? (((hugs)))

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN