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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

todays drama.....

Posted by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:52 PM
  • 9 Replies

 so my dh and i are trying hard to lose weight..he lost 50lbs in the last few months..ive lost he makes a comment to me the other day that im obviously not sticking to the diet...saturday i worked 10 hours and went home to no dinner....he said if you want ill make you a lean cuisine....are you serious!!! then he asks me what ive been doing to cheat on the diet....he is always putting me down like this..he says hes trying to give me positive this positive???

by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:52 PM
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by on May. 8, 2012 at 2:57 PM

no, it only makes it harder.  mine used to make wise cracks when i was doing weight watchers.  i was doing terrific but the more he made fun of me the harder it was.  i feel bad for you and i'm sorry he is treating you this way.  

by on May. 8, 2012 at 3:00 PM

 Not at all what he should be doing is trying to encourage you

by on May. 8, 2012 at 3:28 PM
I think a man's interpretation of positive feedback is very different from a woman's. DH used to make comments that he intended to motivate me to work out, but they just made me feel more depressed and worse about myself.

People lose weight differently. I know a couple who've tried different weight loss strategies from time to time; the husband always loses weight while the wife never loses more than 10-15 lbs, even sticking to the routine as strictly as possible. Maybe what's working for him just doesn't work for you, and it's time to try something different. Maybe you just have a slower metabolism and thus are going to lose weight more slowly, no matter what.

Either way, I would sit down with him and explain to him what kinds of words help and what kinds just hurt. You may have to give him specific examples.
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by on May. 8, 2012 at 3:43 PM
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Men lose weight differently then women.

by on May. 8, 2012 at 3:53 PM
This is backwards from when we were losing weight. I was losing faster than he was. I just tried to keep encouraging him...but then the holidays came and screwed us both up. We both stopped dieting and I started doing Insanity. I lost even more. He was impressed. But I had the time since I'm home all day. He works all day. He's back to dieting, and I'm pigging out (preggers). Lol!
I agree with what a previous poster said, try something different if one way isn't working for you. And definitely explain to him that everyone loses weight differently. Tell him that it hurts your feelings when he assumes that you're cheating when you're actually sticking to it. And tell him exactly what you need from him as far as encouragement goes. Warn him that if he says something mean or something opposite of encouraging, he may have to deal with tears and/or screaming. Lol!
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by Kendall on May. 9, 2012 at 12:09 PM

I'd give him positive feedback too.  I'd positively hit him over the head with a rolling pin!  :x

He's being a douche!!!

by on May. 9, 2012 at 12:41 PM

 My husband sometimes thinks insulting me will motivate me, which totally does not work.  He and I are doing Weight Watchers together right now, and we've actually lost the same amount of weight.  He isn't sticking with it as strictly as I am, and I know for a fact his metabolism is faster than mine.  In the past he's lost more weight than me without even trying. 

Your husband telling you that you're cheating on the diet because he's lost more weight isn't positive feedback.  It shouldn't be a competition either.  You should be motivating each other to get healthy!

by on May. 9, 2012 at 1:55 PM

That is awful. He should be encouraging you. That isn't even tough love, that's rude. 

by on May. 9, 2012 at 1:57 PM
Tell him what he is doing is not helping. My Dh was trying to help, but it came out all wrong. Now he knows how to help motivate me and I know how to motivate him. I'm the one usually motivating him though!
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