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Rocky marriage, but no infidelity, I need some advice!

Posted by on May. 10, 2012 at 11:47 PM
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So my husband is in the army, and I am in the Navy. My husband has spent the last 13 months in Korea, then came back for about a week, then went to AZ for some training. I saw him on Easter and things were awesome, I couldnt have been more happy or in love. Then about a week later I brought up an issue about communication, which I had previously brought up in January, and we fixed. This time he was not willing to compromise and was and still is completely selfish. We have two children, one that was born three months before he left for korea. I udnerstaood when he was in Korea that talking was going to be hard because of the time difference and him working, but we would email, skype and talk on the phone more when he was in Korea than while he is in AZ.

I am willing to compromise, becuase being in the military myself and having been in training, i understand how it can be hard, and what he is going through. Ive told him that I DO NOT expect to talk to him during the week cus he's probably busy, but I do expect to talk to him for a couple of hours (max) at least once a week (Sunday). He would call during the week and talk for about 15 minutes right before he would go to sleep, and we could never talk about anything important like the finance (which i handle) or things that are going on with me and the kids or with him and the army. With that being said, my husband said that my couple hours once a week was too much, and im not being understanding or compromising with him. No we do not really talk at all, and this fight happened about two weeks ago.

We used to be best friends, and would tell each other everything, good and bad. We'd vent with each other about our day, the kids, our education, whatever. Now...we dont talk about squat. He'll call me during the week and say he's having a bad day or something happen, then say I do not want to talk about it or then I'll begin to talk about my day and he does not want to here it.

For me communication is everything, and I feel like I have done everything to try to keep the communication open, emails, text, phone, skype, but my husband is not trying. He thinks that once he gets back from AZ in about two weeks that everything will be perfect and we'll fix it then, but I feel like it does not work that way.

Currently, im drained emotionally and I do not even feel like we are friends, let alone married. He is not acting like someone who loves and cares about his wife and family. So my question is what do I do, what should I do, and am I overreacting here?


by on May. 10, 2012 at 11:47 PM
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by on May. 10, 2012 at 11:52 PM

 I don't think you are over reacting.  Being a part is very straining on a relationship.  I don't know if I have very good advice.  I almost left my husband because he was too distant when he traveled and would come home acting like nothing was wrong.  It was even worse when you threw in the kids needing his attention.  I am not sure what changed our relationship around.  I got really pissed and very honest about our situation and that I couldn't do it anymore without his help.  Then I outlined EXACTLY what I needed from him.  It was a rough turn around but it is so much better now!

by on May. 10, 2012 at 11:56 PM

I have already laid it out to him, I told him Im not happy, I told him its not working, and what needs to be done, which is simple communication, but he is still not getting it. Im all out of ideas and I dont know what to do next. Everyday that this goes on, I lose feelings for him. I know that I love my husband, but I do not feel that way right now. I can talk to a friend that is deployed more than  I can talk to my husband that is in training and stateside. Honestly, I'm just flabergasted at his reaction and behavior.

by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 5:31 PM

I totally get your point.....I just want to let you know that nor being togther is already affecting your marriage and though it will be hard for you YOU JUST NEED TO STAY CALM AND FIRM, now it is his turn to do something about your needs...

If I remember correctly, men in uniform need to feel like, give him room and space for him to come out and rescue your marriage. How do you do that?

After you already told him what you wish him to do in order to made you say no more...YOUR SILENCE will be his first motivation to take the next step. Good luck!

by on May. 11, 2012 at 7:44 PM

I don't think you're over reacting at all.... You have a really tough life right now?  Do you love him?  Does he love you?  If so, tough it out.

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