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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Thoughts on emotional abuse needed please UPDATE ADDED

Posted by on May. 12, 2012 at 12:06 AM
  • 140 Replies
What's your definition of emotional abuse?

Would you leave if your DH or SO continued to emotionally abuse you?

Do you think emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse?

Any ideas on how I can make it stop?

We have been going to couples therapy for 6 months now and he is two faced. During the sessions he's lying and saying everything is fine then we come home and he's talking major stuff to me. I have repeatedly told him how I feel and he tells me I am too sensitive. Or he apologizes then turns around and keeps doing the same stuff! Our son will be 5 weeks old on Sunday and I think the only thing I can do is save up to move into my own place. I hope we can figure out visitation and child support without going to court. I have even tried writing letters and that doesn't help either. I don't know what else to do and I refuse to keep putting up with this crap.

UPDATE

He had the longest and most honest heart to heart we have ever had in our relationship last night. I told him my plans to save and leave because I was tired of the crap. He cried and got on his knees and begged for another chance and said he was truly sorry for not listening to me when I tried to tell him that he's hurting me. I included our son's age to the post just in case it really is just my hormones. He even made an appointment with the new therapist this morning before leaving for work. Other than this, he really is a good person. He works hard, thoughtful, and is usually kind.

Even if it doesn't work out, I will NEVER use my child as a pawn or keep him from his father. I used to be a pawn and will never put my son through the pain I still feel today.

I still plan on saving my money though. I am also going to my aunt's for a couple weeks to clear my head. I do love him very much and want to have no regrets or what ifs just in case we don't make it. I don't want to feel guilty later for not giving my all and trying everything possible to save our relationship.

On a positive note, I just want to say, YOU LADIES ARE AWESOME AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO TRY AND HELP ME! I really appreciate the honest comments and not being snarky. :-)
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by on May. 12, 2012 at 12:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ReiReally
by on May. 12, 2012 at 12:17 AM
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 I see emotion abuse is using mean, insulting, degrading and threatening words to keep someone who loves, trusts and depends on you in an unhealthy submissive state.

I would probably leave if i recognized DH as emotionally abusing me especially if he was lying during therapy about it. I would imagine you wouldn't be able to make someone who is emotionally abusing you stop. They do it to have power over you and everyone knows that someone like that doesn't want to give up their power so easily because they have their own insecurities they don't want to face or deal with in a healthy manner.

DARKRAI is a good guy.
                            

misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 12:26 AM
Yeah, you are right about that. I didn't think about it like that so thank you. I tried cussing him out, the silent treatment and killing him with kindness. They work for a minute but then back to the same crap. He goes to couples therapy and says everything is fine. So I unload and look like a nagging bitch in there. I am not gonna waste my time or lie when something is wrong. It is just getting worse and I am sick of it!

Quoting ReiReally:

 I see emotion abuse is using mean, insulting, degrading and threatening words to keep someone who loves, trusts and depends on you in an unhealthy submissive state.


I would probably leave if i recognized DH as emotionally abusing me especially if he was lying during therapy about it. I would imagine you wouldn't be able to make someone who is emotionally abusing you stop. They do it to have power over you and everyone knows that someone like that doesn't want to give up their power so easily because they have their own insecurities they don't want to face or deal with in a healthy manner.

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misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 3:16 AM
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mal546
by on May. 12, 2012 at 3:35 AM
1 mom liked this

I have been emotionally abused. I have been called stupid in front of my children. My husband has also been an addict. I don't know if it is related to addiction. These people don't take any responsibility for their actions. They are always smarter than everyone else and if something goes wrong it is you not them. He is going to therapy now too but by himself and he says that he tells the therapist that everything is alright and the therapist has no advice for him. Just like you I am frustrated.  Maybe showing him that you are not going to take it anymore and that you are leaving will send a message. Good luck.

misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 3:43 AM
Thanks and I am sorry you are dealing with this issue too. I have tried cussing him out, the silent treatment and killing him with kindness. It works for a while, then back to the same crap and all our relationship problems are my fault because my mistakes were bigger than his as he says. I am sick of it! I see a therapist alone plus the couples therapist.

Quoting mal546:

I have been emotionally abused. I have been called stupid in front of my children. My husband has also been an addict. I don't know if it is related to addiction. These people don't take any responsibility for their actions. They are always smarter than everyone else and if something goes wrong it is you not them. He is going to therapy now too but by himself and he says that he tells the therapist that everything is alright and the therapist has no advice for him. Just like you I am frustrated.  Maybe showing him that you are not going to take it anymore and that you are leaving will send a message. Good luck.

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Fields456
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2012 at 3:59 AM
1 mom liked this
I feel emotional abuse is constant negative thingsoutput you form you loved one. ( whether it be an slo, spouse or any other family member!
No I would not stick around. I am too strong of a woman to dealwith/ take that crap
misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 4:01 AM
I plan on saving my money to leave. I can't do this anymore. I tried cussing him out, silent treatment and killing him with kindness. Nothing works long term and I am tired of his crap!

Quoting Fields456:

I feel emotional abuse is constant negative thingsoutput you form you loved one. ( whether it be an slo, spouse or any other family member!

No I would not stick around. I am too strong of a woman to dealwith/ take that crap
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Fields456
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2012 at 4:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting misslady80013:




That's a great plan. When I decided to divorce my ex( no abuse just infidelity ). I planned for a year and put my self in a position to support my dd a year later I told him to get out! That was in 2008. I have since met and married my wonderful dh. I wish you the best and hope and pray your find yournwaynout to better yourself and your kid/kids you deserve it. If you ever need someone to talk to please pm me
misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 4:21 AM
Thank you. :-) I. Really appreciate the encouraging and kind words. Glad you got away and are happy now.

Quoting Fields456:

Quoting misslady80013:






That's a great plan. When I decided to divorce my ex( no abuse just infidelity ). I planned for a year and put my self in a position to support my dd a year later I told him to get out! That was in 2008. I have since met and married my wonderful dh. I wish you the best and hope and pray your find yournwaynout to better yourself and your kid/kids you deserve it. If you ever need someone to talk to please pm me
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daisymae0
by on May. 12, 2012 at 7:08 AM
3 moms liked this
Emotional abuse to me is far worse than physical abuse. The memories last far longer. My ex would say horrible things and then like you say I was too sensitive. Like you I tried it all. Nothing changed. So when he ballistic I shut down and did nothing. That made him mad too. I decided that I needed to get on my own and i did. I kicked my ex out almost 2 years ago. I told him calmly that he had called me every name in the book in the past few years and I didn't love him anymore. Funny thing was he started apologizing really quick. Told him no I was done. He left. Last time I heard from was when he sent me a text w/pic showing his new baby off. Dirt bag. He wasn't going to change.
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