Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Thoughts on emotional abuse needed please UPDATE ADDED

Posted by   + Show Post
What's your definition of emotional abuse?

Would you leave if your DH or SO continued to emotionally abuse you?

Do you think emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse?

Any ideas on how I can make it stop?

We have been going to couples therapy for 6 months now and he is two faced. During the sessions he's lying and saying everything is fine then we come home and he's talking major stuff to me. I have repeatedly told him how I feel and he tells me I am too sensitive. Or he apologizes then turns around and keeps doing the same stuff! Our son will be 5 weeks old on Sunday and I think the only thing I can do is save up to move into my own place. I hope we can figure out visitation and child support without going to court. I have even tried writing letters and that doesn't help either. I don't know what else to do and I refuse to keep putting up with this crap.

UPDATE

He had the longest and most honest heart to heart we have ever had in our relationship last night. I told him my plans to save and leave because I was tired of the crap. He cried and got on his knees and begged for another chance and said he was truly sorry for not listening to me when I tried to tell him that he's hurting me. I included our son's age to the post just in case it really is just my hormones. He even made an appointment with the new therapist this morning before leaving for work. Other than this, he really is a good person. He works hard, thoughtful, and is usually kind.

Even if it doesn't work out, I will NEVER use my child as a pawn or keep him from his father. I used to be a pawn and will never put my son through the pain I still feel today.

I still plan on saving my money though. I am also going to my aunt's for a couple weeks to clear my head. I do love him very much and want to have no regrets or what ifs just in case we don't make it. I don't want to feel guilty later for not giving my all and trying everything possible to save our relationship.

On a positive note, I just want to say, YOU LADIES ARE AWESOME AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO TRY AND HELP ME! I really appreciate the honest comments and not being snarky. :-)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 12, 2012 at 12:06 AM
Replies (11-20):
touchingstars
by on May. 12, 2012 at 7:09 AM
1 mom liked this
Emotional abuse is a.stepping stone to physical abuse. At least thats how mine started
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Roo1234
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2012 at 7:14 AM
1 mom liked this
If your therapist hadn't caught in that he is pouring up a front and lying, then you need as new therapist.

Why not confront him about it during a session? Instead of letting him get away with it and them being angry.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jac77
by on May. 12, 2012 at 7:25 AM
1 mom liked this
I completely agree with this! I was in this type of relationship with my ex. Before I got out, I realized I was a beat up, broke down woman. Luckily, the therapist saw right thru it & called him out! Too late for me tho. Personally, it comes out if insecurity. Just an example, after u found out he cheated, it was my birthday. I had been crying & in a zombie state. He came up to me with a camera & took a picture. Saying, I want to remember you exactly like this...I still have this picture. You are worth more!


Quoting ReiReally:

 I see emotion abuse is using mean, insulting, degrading and threatening words to keep someone who loves, trusts and depends on you in an unhealthy submissive state.


I would probably leave if i recognized DH as emotionally abusing me especially if he was lying during therapy about it. I would imagine you wouldn't be able to make someone who is emotionally abusing you stop. They do it to have power over you and everyone knows that someone like that doesn't want to give up their power so easily because they have their own insecurities they don't want to face or deal with in a healthy manner.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:13 AM
Oh wow! Glad you are happy now. I agree that emotional abuse is worse.

Quoting daisymae0:

Emotional abuse to me is far worse than physical abuse. The memories last far longer. My ex would say horrible things and then like you say I was too sensitive. Like you I tried it all. Nothing changed. So when he ballistic I shut down and did nothing. That made him mad too. I decided that I needed to get on my own and i did. I kicked my ex out almost 2 years ago. I told him calmly that he had called me every name in the book in the past few years and I didn't love him anymore. Funny thing was he started apologizing really quick. Told him no I was done. He left. Last time I heard from was when he sent me a text w/pic showing his new baby off. Dirt bag. He wasn't going to change.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:14 AM
I am sorry to hear that.

Quoting touchingstars:

Emotional abuse is a.stepping stone to physical abuse. At least thats how mine started
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:17 AM
We are getting a new therapist. I have called him out and he has an excuse for everything. It really makes me sick. He makes it look like he is the perfect gentleman and does everything right and I don't appreciate anything and just complain all the time, which isn't true at all!

Quoting Roo1234:

If your therapist hadn't caught in that he is pouring up a front and lying, then you need as new therapist.



Why not confront him about it during a session? Instead of letting him get away with it and them being angry.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BannerElkHogans
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2012 at 9:23 AM
1 mom liked this

I would get a tape recorder an start recording how he speak's to you until you move out - because I really think it's going to get ugly when u go to court over your son ....an you will have audio proof of his emotional abuse!~ Cover your own ass...ha ha ha-(CYOA) !!

misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:26 AM
What?! He needs his ass kicked! That is really f*cked up! I am so happy you have moved on.

Quoting jac77:

I completely agree with this! I was in this type of relationship with my ex. Before I got out, I realized I was a beat up, broke down woman. Luckily, the therapist saw right thru it & called him out! Too late for me tho. Personally, it comes out if insecurity. Just an example, after u found out he cheated, it was my birthday. I had been crying & in a zombie state. He came up to me with a camera & took a picture. Saying, I want to remember you exactly like this...I still have this picture. You are worth more!




Quoting ReiReally:

 I see emotion abuse is using mean, insulting, degrading and threatening words to keep someone who loves, trusts and depends on you in an unhealthy submissive state.



I would probably leave if i recognized DH as emotionally abusing me especially if he was lying during therapy about it. I would imagine you wouldn't be able to make someone who is emotionally abusing you stop. They do it to have power over you and everyone knows that someone like that doesn't want to give up their power so easily because they have their own insecurities they don't want to face or deal with in a healthy manner.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:28 AM
That is a great idea! Thanks! I will start that as soon as possible.

Quoting BannerElkHogans:

I would get a tape recorder an start recording how he speak's to you until you move out - because I really think it's going to get ugly when u go to court over your son ....an you will have audio proof of his emotional abuse!~ Cover your own ass...ha ha ha-(CYOA) !!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sweetnspacey
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:29 AM
1 mom liked this

I was emotionally abused for a long time. He wont stop, it's a cycle. He'll be good for awhile then go back to it and right when you're about to break he'll be nice again. My ex husband was abused badly as a child and he knew he was emotionally abusing me. He really tried to change but always fell back into it. I told him that if he couldn't stop to please just leave me because it was killing me. He finally did and we both still love each other but I am a lot happier.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN