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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Thoughts on emotional abuse needed please UPDATE ADDED

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What's your definition of emotional abuse?

Would you leave if your DH or SO continued to emotionally abuse you?

Do you think emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse?

Any ideas on how I can make it stop?

We have been going to couples therapy for 6 months now and he is two faced. During the sessions he's lying and saying everything is fine then we come home and he's talking major stuff to me. I have repeatedly told him how I feel and he tells me I am too sensitive. Or he apologizes then turns around and keeps doing the same stuff! Our son will be 5 weeks old on Sunday and I think the only thing I can do is save up to move into my own place. I hope we can figure out visitation and child support without going to court. I have even tried writing letters and that doesn't help either. I don't know what else to do and I refuse to keep putting up with this crap.

UPDATE

He had the longest and most honest heart to heart we have ever had in our relationship last night. I told him my plans to save and leave because I was tired of the crap. He cried and got on his knees and begged for another chance and said he was truly sorry for not listening to me when I tried to tell him that he's hurting me. I included our son's age to the post just in case it really is just my hormones. He even made an appointment with the new therapist this morning before leaving for work. Other than this, he really is a good person. He works hard, thoughtful, and is usually kind.

Even if it doesn't work out, I will NEVER use my child as a pawn or keep him from his father. I used to be a pawn and will never put my son through the pain I still feel today.

I still plan on saving my money though. I am also going to my aunt's for a couple weeks to clear my head. I do love him very much and want to have no regrets or what ifs just in case we don't make it. I don't want to feel guilty later for not giving my all and trying everything possible to save our relationship.

On a positive note, I just want to say, YOU LADIES ARE AWESOME AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO TRY AND HELP ME! I really appreciate the honest comments and not being snarky. :-)
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by on May. 12, 2012 at 12:06 AM
Replies (21-30):
all4Him999
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents and I'd rather take a beating than suffer the after-effects of emotional abuse.  If he blames you for his bad behavior, or acts like there is something wrong with you when he's being mean, or doesn't change hurtful behavior even though you have told him it hurts you, then, you need to find a way out.  Emotional abuse causes scars you can't see, but you will feel them forever...

CrazyLife1996
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this
Has he always been like this? How long have you been together?

I have a couple of suggestions to help you get through this time while you get stable.
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jac77
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:39 AM
1 mom liked this
I did this! I had hrs & hrs of tapes. He was fighting me on staying n the house & saying I was making it up. I was trying to prove it was a volatile environment for the kids. It worked...he was ordered to leave.


Quoting BannerElkHogans:

I would get a tape recorder an start recording how he speak's to you until you move out - because I really think it's going to get ugly when u go to court over your son ....an you will have audio proof of his emotional abuse!~ Cover your own ass...ha ha ha-(CYOA) !!


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BannerElkHogans
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2012 at 9:40 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm here all week for new an awesome way's to burn men's asses to the stake!!!!!!!!! ha HA HA....I've been in a really fucked up relationship an it almost costed me my life! but I'm great an I'm here an now I am married to my Charming an loving husband an I have a little girl :)

jac77
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:41 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree! I'm engaged to a great man now but, on occasion when he asks me to do something I get angry. Makes me feel like I'm being bossed again.


Quoting all4Him999:

I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents and I'd rather take a beating than suffer the after-effects of emotional abuse.  If he blames you for his bad behavior, or acts like there is something wrong with you when he's being mean, or doesn't change hurtful behavior even though you have told him it hurts you, then, you need to find a way out.  Emotional abuse causes scars you can't see, but you will feel them forever...


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misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:48 AM
I am so sorry.

Quoting sweetnspacey:

I was emotionally abused for a long time. He wont stop, it's a cycle. He'll be good for awhile then go back to it and right when you're about to break he'll be nice again. My ex husband was abused badly as a child and he knew he was emotionally abusing me. He really tried to change but always fell back into it. I told him that if he couldn't stop to please just leave me because it was killing me. He finally did and we both still love each other but I am a lot happier.

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misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:49 AM
Yes, this is true. I am still seeing a therapist for the emotional and physical abuse I had to deal with during my childhood.

Quoting all4Him999:

I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents and I'd rather take a beating than suffer the after-effects of emotional abuse.  If he blames you for his bad behavior, or acts like there is something wrong with you when he's being mean, or doesn't change hurtful behavior even though you have told him it hurts you, then, you need to find a way out.  Emotional abuse causes scars you can't see, but you will feel them forever...

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:52 AM
No, he really hasn't. It started a year ago but has been more often and hurtful the last several weeks. Our 5 year anniversary is in July.

Sure! I would appreciate that, thanks!


Quoting CrazyLife1996:

Has he always been like this? How long have you been together?



I have a couple of suggestions to help you get through this time while you get stable.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:53 AM
Lol! Please share, I am all ears! Glad you are happy now and congrats on the LO!

Quoting BannerElkHogans:

I'm here all week for new an awesome way's to burn men's asses to the stake!!!!!!!!! ha HA HA....I've been in a really fucked up relationship an it almost costed me my life! but I'm great an I'm here an now I am married to my Charming an loving husband an I have a little girl :)

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misslady80013
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:55 AM
I can understand that. I hate being told what to do! I will do it just because I was told not to. My ex husband told me I couldn't wear make up after we got married. I only wore it maybe a couple times a week. Well, I wore it every day for a couple months just to prove a point. I am an adult so don't tell me what to do.

Quoting jac77:

I agree! I'm engaged to a great man now but, on occasion when he asks me to do something I get angry. Makes me feel like I'm being bossed again.




Quoting all4Him999:

I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents and I'd rather take a beating than suffer the after-effects of emotional abuse.  If he blames you for his bad behavior, or acts like there is something wrong with you when he's being mean, or doesn't change hurtful behavior even though you have told him it hurts you, then, you need to find a way out.  Emotional abuse causes scars you can't see, but you will feel them forever...


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