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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Thoughts on emotional abuse needed please UPDATE ADDED

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What's your definition of emotional abuse?

Would you leave if your DH or SO continued to emotionally abuse you?

Do you think emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse?

Any ideas on how I can make it stop?

We have been going to couples therapy for 6 months now and he is two faced. During the sessions he's lying and saying everything is fine then we come home and he's talking major stuff to me. I have repeatedly told him how I feel and he tells me I am too sensitive. Or he apologizes then turns around and keeps doing the same stuff! Our son will be 5 weeks old on Sunday and I think the only thing I can do is save up to move into my own place. I hope we can figure out visitation and child support without going to court. I have even tried writing letters and that doesn't help either. I don't know what else to do and I refuse to keep putting up with this crap.

UPDATE

He had the longest and most honest heart to heart we have ever had in our relationship last night. I told him my plans to save and leave because I was tired of the crap. He cried and got on his knees and begged for another chance and said he was truly sorry for not listening to me when I tried to tell him that he's hurting me. I included our son's age to the post just in case it really is just my hormones. He even made an appointment with the new therapist this morning before leaving for work. Other than this, he really is a good person. He works hard, thoughtful, and is usually kind.

Even if it doesn't work out, I will NEVER use my child as a pawn or keep him from his father. I used to be a pawn and will never put my son through the pain I still feel today.

I still plan on saving my money though. I am also going to my aunt's for a couple weeks to clear my head. I do love him very much and want to have no regrets or what ifs just in case we don't make it. I don't want to feel guilty later for not giving my all and trying everything possible to save our relationship.

On a positive note, I just want to say, YOU LADIES ARE AWESOME AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO TRY AND HELP ME! I really appreciate the honest comments and not being snarky. :-)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 12, 2012 at 12:06 AM
Replies (131-140):
VeroKarr
by on May. 21, 2012 at 11:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Is he really honest with you when he says he wants to work things out with you? It seems to me that he's just looking for excuses.... The way you talk about him makes me think he's a flake. Sorry! :-S.... Maybe counceling would work. Or maybe he's really tired. What does he do for living? Have you ever sent him a letter telling him how you feel? Do you have family close by who can help you during the day so you can sleep? I hope your baby starts sleeping through the night soon!

Quoting fostermomoftwo:

and emotional abuse almost everytime leads to physical abuse. I dealt with this for 10 years thought it was normal cause he had excuses every single time he did it.

I finally had enough, most women dont realize how bad it is till they do leave. I finally left and have a great hubby now and he is what a man should be and aspire to be, he would never abuse me in anyway, i wish women esspcially would realize its not okay and its not normal and theres no excuse for it, NONE.

Quoting Caitlin10081989:

Emotional abuse is abusing a person emotional. 

Yes, I would leave my dh or so if they continued to emotional abuse me.

Yes, I think emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. Abuse is bad period no matter what form of abuse it is in. 



misslady80013
by on May. 21, 2012 at 11:47 PM
Don't apologize for being honest. You weren't snarky so it didn't bother me at all. Actually, I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes, I wonder the same thing. He says he is and I did write him a 4 page letter just 2 days ago. I poured out everything and we had the best heart to heart we have ever had. I am tired of the excuses and he needs to show and prove. He knows exactly how I feel and he better get it together or I will move on. I told him I want to see some changes within the next 3 sessions. I am tired too! I am the one who is up with our son at night, he rolls over and goes back to sleep. He's a Reservation Analyst. My older sister lives like 10 minutes away, but she has been working herself to the bone because her husband missed a few days from work being sick. She needs her rest right now. No one else has offered and I am too stubborn to ask. This is something else I have to work on myself. I hope so too and thanks so much! ;-)

Quoting VeroKarr:

Is he really honest with you when he says he wants to work things out with you? It seems to me that he's just looking for excuses.... The way you talk about him makes me think he's a flake. Sorry! :-S.... Maybe counceling would work. Or maybe he's really tired. What does he do for living? Have you ever sent him a letter telling him how you feel? Do you have family close by who can help you during the day so you can sleep? I hope your baby starts sleeping through the night soon!

Quoting fostermomoftwo:

and emotional abuse almost everytime leads to physical abuse. I dealt with this for 10 years thought it was normal cause he had excuses every single time he did it.


I finally had enough, most women dont realize how bad it is till they do leave. I finally left and have a great hubby now and he is what a man should be and aspire to be, he would never abuse me in anyway, i wish women esspcially would realize its not okay and its not normal and theres no excuse for it, NONE.


Quoting Caitlin10081989:


Emotional abuse is abusing a person emotional. 


Yes, I would leave my dh or so if they continued to emotional abuse me.


Yes, I think emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. Abuse is bad period no matter what form of abuse it is in. 




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
la_bella_vita
by Bella on May. 22, 2012 at 12:47 AM
1 mom liked this

 ((Hugs)) Emotional abuse is just as dangerous, painful and scarring. They say only 10% of abusers can change. I wish you the best of luck.

VeroKarr
by on May. 22, 2012 at 8:26 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm glad you had that conversation. In my experience communication and trust are the key to a good relationship. I hope he does something about it. It's just not fair. You're exhausted all day, because of being up all night, plus you just had a baby and your hormons are still up and down. This is the time you need the most help. Just ask. The worse thing that can happen is for them to say no.... and you just continue the way you were before. But if your family's there and you can ask for help..... My family is soooooo far. I'm originally from  Chile and they're all there or in Europe. I have a cousin in Delaware and I live in Texas. So far. It's not easy, you know that.

Good luck. Let me know how it goes with your hubby! :)

Quoting misslady80013:

Don't apologize for being honest. You weren't snarky so it didn't bother me at all. Actually, I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes, I wonder the same thing. He says he is and I did write him a 4 page letter just 2 days ago. I poured out everything and we had the best heart to heart we have ever had. I am tired of the excuses and he needs to show and prove. He knows exactly how I feel and he better get it together or I will move on. I told him I want to see some changes within the next 3 sessions. I am tired too! I am the one who is up with our son at night, he rolls over and goes back to sleep. He's a Reservation Analyst. My older sister lives like 10 minutes away, but she has been working herself to the bone because her husband missed a few days from work being sick. She needs her rest right now. No one else has offered and I am too stubborn to ask. This is something else I have to work on myself. I hope so too and thanks so much! ;-)

Quoting VeroKarr:

Is he really honest with you when he says he wants to work things out with you? It seems to me that he's just looking for excuses.... The way you talk about him makes me think he's a flake. Sorry! :-S.... Maybe counceling would work. Or maybe he's really tired. What does he do for living? Have you ever sent him a letter telling him how you feel? Do you have family close by who can help you during the day so you can sleep? I hope your baby starts sleeping through the night soon!

Quoting fostermomoftwo:

and emotional abuse almost everytime leads to physical abuse. I dealt with this for 10 years thought it was normal cause he had excuses every single time he did it.


I finally had enough, most women dont realize how bad it is till they do leave. I finally left and have a great hubby now and he is what a man should be and aspire to be, he would never abuse me in anyway, i wish women esspcially would realize its not okay and its not normal and theres no excuse for it, NONE.


Quoting Caitlin10081989:


Emotional abuse is abusing a person emotional. 


Yes, I would leave my dh or so if they continued to emotional abuse me.


Yes, I think emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. Abuse is bad period no matter what form of abuse it is in. 





misslady80013
by on May. 22, 2012 at 8:53 PM
Yes, you are absolutely right about that. They are very important. Yep, all they can do is say no. This is something that I really have to work on. The only person I could depend on was me growing up so asking for help is extremely hard for me. I feel as an adult, I should be able to handle my business. I understand everyone needs some help at times, but I feel like a failure when I do. I started asking him for helps so I am taking baby steps to get better with that. Wow! That's really far! Of course I will let you know how it's going. :-) Thanks for all your kind words and advice!

Quoting VeroKarr:

I'm glad you had that conversation. In my experience communication and trust are the key to a good relationship. I hope he does something about it. It's just not fair. You're exhausted all day, because of being up all night, plus you just had a baby and your hormons are still up and down. This is the time you need the most help. Just ask. The worse thing that can happen is for them to say no.... and you just continue the way you were before. But if your family's there and you can ask for help..... My family is soooooo far. I'm originally from  Chile and they're all there or in Europe. I have a cousin in Delaware and I live in Texas. So far. It's not easy, you know that.

Good luck. Let me know how it goes with your hubby! :)

Quoting misslady80013:

Don't apologize for being honest. You weren't snarky so it didn't bother me at all. Actually, I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes, I wonder the same thing. He says he is and I did write him a 4 page letter just 2 days ago. I poured out everything and we had the best heart to heart we have ever had. I am tired of the excuses and he needs to show and prove. He knows exactly how I feel and he better get it together or I will move on. I told him I want to see some changes within the next 3 sessions. I am tired too! I am the one who is up with our son at night, he rolls over and goes back to sleep. He's a Reservation Analyst. My older sister lives like 10 minutes away, but she has been working herself to the bone because her husband missed a few days from work being sick. She needs her rest right now. No one else has offered and I am too stubborn to ask. This is something else I have to work on myself. I hope so too and thanks so much! ;-)



Quoting VeroKarr:

Is he really honest with you when he says he wants to work things out with you? It seems to me that he's just looking for excuses.... The way you talk about him makes me think he's a flake. Sorry! :-S.... Maybe counceling would work. Or maybe he's really tired. What does he do for living? Have you ever sent him a letter telling him how you feel? Do you have family close by who can help you during the day so you can sleep? I hope your baby starts sleeping through the night soon!

Quoting fostermomoftwo:

and emotional abuse almost everytime leads to physical abuse. I dealt with this for 10 years thought it was normal cause he had excuses every single time he did it.



I finally had enough, most women dont realize how bad it is till they do leave. I finally left and have a great hubby now and he is what a man should be and aspire to be, he would never abuse me in anyway, i wish women esspcially would realize its not okay and its not normal and theres no excuse for it, NONE.



Quoting Caitlin10081989:



Emotional abuse is abusing a person emotional. 



Yes, I would leave my dh or so if they continued to emotional abuse me.



Yes, I think emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. Abuse is bad period no matter what form of abuse it is in. 






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
VeroKarr
by on May. 23, 2012 at 11:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Good for you! I understand. It's not easy to ask for help, but this is the best moment to do it!!! :)

Good luck!

Quoting misslady80013:

Yes, you are absolutely right about that. They are very important. Yep, all they can do is say no. This is something that I really have to work on. The only person I could depend on was me growing up so asking for help is extremely hard for me. I feel as an adult, I should be able to handle my business. I understand everyone needs some help at times, but I feel like a failure when I do. I started asking him for helps so I am taking baby steps to get better with that. Wow! That's really far! Of course I will let you know how it's going. :-) Thanks for all your kind words and advice!

Quoting VeroKarr:

I'm glad you had that conversation. In my experience communication and trust are the key to a good relationship. I hope he does something about it. It's just not fair. You're exhausted all day, because of being up all night, plus you just had a baby and your hormons are still up and down. This is the time you need the most help. Just ask. The worse thing that can happen is for them to say no.... and you just continue the way you were before. But if your family's there and you can ask for help..... My family is soooooo far. I'm originally from  Chile and they're all there or in Europe. I have a cousin in Delaware and I live in Texas. So far. It's not easy, you know that.

Good luck. Let me know how it goes with your hubby! :)

Quoting misslady80013:

Don't apologize for being honest. You weren't snarky so it didn't bother me at all. Actually, I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes, I wonder the same thing. He says he is and I did write him a 4 page letter just 2 days ago. I poured out everything and we had the best heart to heart we have ever had. I am tired of the excuses and he needs to show and prove. He knows exactly how I feel and he better get it together or I will move on. I told him I want to see some changes within the next 3 sessions. I am tired too! I am the one who is up with our son at night, he rolls over and goes back to sleep. He's a Reservation Analyst. My older sister lives like 10 minutes away, but she has been working herself to the bone because her husband missed a few days from work being sick. She needs her rest right now. No one else has offered and I am too stubborn to ask. This is something else I have to work on myself. I hope so too and thanks so much! ;-)



Quoting VeroKarr:

Is he really honest with you when he says he wants to work things out with you? It seems to me that he's just looking for excuses.... The way you talk about him makes me think he's a flake. Sorry! :-S.... Maybe counceling would work. Or maybe he's really tired. What does he do for living? Have you ever sent him a letter telling him how you feel? Do you have family close by who can help you during the day so you can sleep? I hope your baby starts sleeping through the night soon!

Quoting fostermomoftwo:

and emotional abuse almost everytime leads to physical abuse. I dealt with this for 10 years thought it was normal cause he had excuses every single time he did it.



I finally had enough, most women dont realize how bad it is till they do leave. I finally left and have a great hubby now and he is what a man should be and aspire to be, he would never abuse me in anyway, i wish women esspcially would realize its not okay and its not normal and theres no excuse for it, NONE.



Quoting Caitlin10081989:



Emotional abuse is abusing a person emotional. 



Yes, I would leave my dh or so if they continued to emotional abuse me.



Yes, I think emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. Abuse is bad period no matter what form of abuse it is in. 







mikeysmom510
by on May. 24, 2012 at 6:27 PM
1 mom liked this

you are welcome! i'm always here if you need to talk. i know what you are going through. its nice to know that you aren't alone. the abuse started when i was 2. my whole family, whether it was emotional, mental, physical, and sexual. even with boyfriends or just random guys. i'm happy to be out of that situation. it was like a breath of fresh air!

misslady80013
by on May. 25, 2012 at 2:06 AM
Thanks. Yep, I feel the same way. My mom is nuts and I want nothing to do with her for the rest of my life!

Quoting mikeysmom510:

you are welcome! i'm always here if you need to talk. i know what you are going through. its nice to know that you aren't alone. the abuse started when i was 2. my whole family, whether it was emotional, mental, physical, and sexual. even with boyfriends or just random guys. i'm happy to be out of that situation. it was like a breath of fresh air!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomToovey
by Marianne on May. 25, 2012 at 7:24 AM
1 mom liked this

 I'm so glad that he realized what he has. I hope things work out for you, good luck!

misslady80013
by on May. 25, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Aww, thank you. I do love him very much, but I love myself more and wonkt tolerate anymore crap. I hope this rough patch is over soon.

Quoting MomToovey:

 I'm so glad that he realized what he has. I hope things work out for you, good luck!

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